In Dreams He Came - (Patrick / Twin Flame / Past Life)

~ About this Blog ~

2011-09-08T14:29:00.018-05:00

This blog consists basically of entries from my older Patrick sites. That way everything is combined into ONE blog opposed to several. (And I didn't copy/paste everything from those other sites to this blog).

Here's a quick overview of the different sections, just in case you want to skip certain entries:

- What are Twin Flames?
- Backstory
- EVP
- Aunt's Reading
- Automatic Writing
- Patrick Dreams, Part 1
- Patrick Dreams, Part 2
- Patrick Dreams, Part 3
- Readings, Part 1
- Readings, Part 2
- "Stop, Phantom!"
- Random Coincidences
- Possible Signs
- Random Messages
- Past Comments
- Recent Updates

* (Recent updates can be viewed by clicking HERE. Blogger won't acknowledge when that entry is being updated... since it will always be the last entry on this blog... so you can only check for updates by clicking the link provided).

Just FYI: I have since ceased communicating with the person that volunteered a lot of the readings, but am still grateful for her "friendship" at the time. (Before we stopped talking, I was even going to include her in the dedication of my book which is loosely based on Patrick; should it ever become published of course). I did learn a lot from her, most importantly to trust myself a little more. No matter how things turn out in the end, I do believe some people come into - and even leave - our lives for good reason.

And in following my gut, which can be a tough thing for me to master, (Hello? Analytical Taurus here ) I do believe a lot of Nat's readings were correct.

Also, please understand that even though I've recorded my experiences and theories on this blog.... I am still very skeptical. To discover the truth, I believe skepticism - and openmindedness - is pretty much key.

What are Twin Flames?

2011-09-07T12:42:00.071-05:00

First off, I would like to confess that I am not a fan of the term "Twin Flame." It sounds too hokey and New Age for my tastes. When I first heard about twins, I didn't take them very seriously because the term itself sounded so ridiculous and made up. I also didn't give the topic much credit simply because most of the sites and forums I'd come across about twins were really, erhm... eccentric, strange, filled with a lot of 'woe-is-me' angst

and a few stories of infidelity. They made me think they were pulling their information out of a box of crackerjacks. I was reading a lot of platitudes which didn't come with any skepticism whatsoever.

Okay, having said that... written below is what I believe about twin flames. And when I say "believe," there is still some skepticism rearing it's head. Not nearly as much as before, but I'd be lying if I said I believe in this 100%. I don't know how anyone can say they 100% believe, in anything spiritual or paranormal related, without the facts staring them in the face. With ghosts, a person KNOWS they're real when they SEE one when wide awake. But something like twin flames.... how can that be proven through science? It can't. The details of twin flames aside, the key element here seems to be emotion. (Which quite frankly, I'd be skeptical of since ego can get in the way). The truth of twin flames really does have to be experienced. Otherwise, I can understand how crazy it might sound to some people.

Remember, I was one of those people. (Okay, so I still kind of am. Whether TF's are real or not, it doesn't matter to me. I do find it an interesting theory though).

So if I were to describe what I think Twin Flames are, I would say to imagine Yin & Yang. Our twin and ourselves have our own separate identities - formed by life experiences - yet we really are one; like two sides to the same coin. During - rare? - incarnations together, there is usually a large age gap and oftentimes something will invariably keep twins apart. I also believe, for most of us anyway, that our twin is watching over us from The Other Side.

Now, is any of this really true? That's up to YOU to decide for yourself. Follow YOUR instincts and inner voice, not anyone else's.

I also think people tend to romanticize twins. I have a feeling it's more about spiritual growth than romantic love. (Not that romance is never there. I just think the spiritual aspect of twins is more powerful, hence even incarnating without them).

A lot of people tend to believe that one day, when we've learned all the lessons we've set out to master, that only then will our spirit merge with our twin in the afterlife; our souls will literally become one whole. Personally, I never bought into that theory because it would imply that in the end we don't have our own separate identities. I think that one twin's lessons during an incarnation also affects the other. We learn from each other, and ALWAYS do we have our own individual personalities and sense of self.

The best way I can wrap my mind around the theory of twin flames is that IF we all belong to "soul groups," our twin is simply another soul which is the closest to our own; hence them being our "twin." (Sort of like how most twin siblings here on Earth can feel such a strong connection with each other. They ARE their own person, but they also share a very strong connection). When it comes to these soul groups, I tend to picture a family tree like is used in genealogy. For instance, your twin would just be on the same branch as you and right next to you. Out of all the souls on your branch, your twin is your closest 'neighbor.'

I hope that makes sense.

Everyone else on your branch, or nearer your branch, could be your soulmates. (I call them "Kindred Spirits," as I think the term 'soulmate' is often misinterpreted).

One more thing: Even I don't 100% know that twin flames are real. I don't even know for sure exactly who Patrick is. It's only that through doing a lot of research and paying attention to my own experiences and dreams, I've discovered that him being my twin is just one possibility.

For all I know, he could be anyone.

Note:
I’ve decided to erase the Twin Flames articles. I know that a lot of people have expressed liking seeing the articles in one place - as did I - but I think it’s time to take them down.

When creating this page, I made it a point to provide a link to every single article. Unfortunately, where one finds the article isn’t always where it was originally posted. (And I would think this is self-explanatory, but there’s no surefire way of knowing the original source unless you yourself wrote the actual article).

So as to not step on anyone’s toes, I’m going to wave my magic wand here and make it all disappear.

From this blog anyway. There is A LOT of information out there concerning Twin Flames, and it does take time to weed through it all.

~ Backstory ~

2011-09-06T22:37:00.014-05:00

"The listeners got some such insights into their past lives, as one gets into the darker parts of the woods, when a stray gleam of sunshine finds its way down to the roots of the trees."

- James Fenimore Cooper

While I was living in Houston I had my first ghostly encounter. I was only 6 or 7 years old at the time, so the experience was very frightening and thoroughly confusing.

I was in my bed, unable to sleep. I was lying on my right side when I decided to lie on my back. When I switched positions, I saw a ghost kneeling at the end of the bed. He was looking down as he smoothed out the covers. He was actually very immersed in such a tedious task! He was dressed in Renaissance clothing, although at the time all I knew was that he didn't look or dress like men of today and that he had very weird hair for a man. Lol!

Amidst my fear of seeing a ghost, I remember thinking that his hair was very “girly” for a male. (Pageboy hairstyle). His hair was VERY blond and his clothes were VERY fancy. I remember his jerkin as being burgundy. It had vertical stitching, and it ‘puffed out’ a bit between sections. (Sort of like in the photo below, only the sections were wider and had more padding).

I think he might have had on a cape as well, but I don’t know for sure as it was dark in the room and I was pretty frightened. I tried pinching my sister awake, so that SHE would scream FOR me (Lol!) but I didn't pinch hard enough I guess. (I even remember trying to pinch her enough to wake her, but not enough to actually hurt her. I've always wondered if she would have seen him, too, had I woken her up).

For a long while I watched him concentrating on smoothing out the covers from one end of the bed to the other. When he was on my side… well, the middle of the bed actually as my sister and I slept in the same bed and I was always sleeping smack-dab next to her while holding her hand... he was smoothing the covers, when suddenly he looked up.

He froze and silently stared straight back at me, which terrified me even more because his eyes started glowing. They glowed a very bright white light. Like a light encased inside a fog. (TERRIFIED ME). I’ve always thought that unusual for a spirit, but I’ve been told that that’s normal. He looked very solid, like us, except for those eyes.

Someone told me once that they see that in spirits all the time and call it “love light.” They say the light intensifies with their emotions. I really don’t think he meant for me to see him and didn’t want to scare me – and so he froze. In fact, I think that I scared him!

Several years ago... as in on or around October 1, 2002... my aunt tried contacting my ghost. It took her a while to get a name from him. He finally told her that his name was “Patrick.” A few years later someone else told me that his name was "Patrick" as well. After 24 years, the mystery of his name is solved!!!!

Another interesting thing is that my aunt said that Patrick said something about her losing her kids. The psychic... just someone who offered free readings for fun on a forum not even paranormal-related... told me almost the same thing; that he had lost his children. All I know is that someone definitely lost children. (I've even had a dream before where the spirit of some woman kept crying to me about that same thing).

Just FYI -

Whenever I mention "Dr. MacNeill" from the Christy tv series in one of my dreams, it's the actor in the video below. I would fastforward to around the 9 minute mark to see him:

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Also, the picture below is the closest I can find that looks like Patrick. It isn't exact of course - (I mean, duh... Brad Pitt? ) - but it's the best I can find. It's the hair and chiseled features more than anything. I think Patrick's features are a little harsher.

~ Electronic Voice Phenomenon ~

2011-09-05T15:56:00.015-05:00

Just a few possible EVP's of Patrick:

I don't fully trust EVP, as I have captured a few negative one's before, so I would be skeptical. I've even had evp's where it sounds like Patrick, only they're being negative. The evp's below are the one's I feel deep down in my gut really are him. I can't explain it, but they sound and feel... well, familiar.

And for those who don't know what evp is, it's just spirit voices picked up on a tape recorder. Some of these might be easier to hear with headphones, and laptops aren't the best for listening to them. For the most part, however, I think these particular files can be heard fine without headphones.

Remember to pause the music in the sidebar!

"Wake Up! Be-cky."
(This evp appeared the second I entered the room to turn off the recorder. The first part is a very loud whisper, and the last word is said in a very deep voice)

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"Be-cky, Becky, Becky... I miss you."
(The volume might have to go all the way up on this one. Just remember to turn it back down before listening to the other clips)

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"Noooo, stop it!"
(The squeak you hear at the beginning of the clip is me closing my bedroom door right after turning on the recorder)

And below is the same evp, only slowed down and without the door squeaking in the beginning:

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"I called you... Becky."
(The last word in this evp is an echo)

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"Please."

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"Rebecca."
(This one is near the end of the clip)

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"Becky, love to find you."

(To me, the first word sounds like a different voice since it's higher pitched. Also, the last word here has an accent. Sounds Scottish, or something similar. Maybe even Wales or Holland? No idea. I definitely hear an accent though).

My Aunt's Reading on Patrick

2011-09-05T14:02:00.000-05:00

One day my mom and aunt were talking about the paranormal over instant messaging when Mom brought up my knight. Out of the blue my aunt decided to do a reading. This was the very first reading ever done on him, which I believe happened on October 1, 2002.

Aunt:
He has not come back to this life.

Mom:
In her dream - He is on his horse. It is rearing. It is like a battle is going on. He has a sword. She is frightened. He is the leader.

Aunt:
He must have died in battle. And he is letting her know he is still there waiting for her. She must not be frightened.

Mom:
Very fierce. She grabs a woman’s hand and runs into a white tent. It has furniture in it. She hides from him. They are afraid.

Aunt:
White stands for purity and spiritual things. He is not there to hurt her. He is there to protect her.

Mom:
Then he opens the tent flap and peers in right at her. She wakes up.

Aunt:
She needs to confront him. Tell him she understands.
He wants her.
He has to be patient because she has to finish this life.

Mom:
Oh, okay. She says they were very afraid.

Aunt:
Because she doesn’t know who he is, but he knows her.

Mom:
He was evil looking. Fierce.

Aunt:
He will not hurt her.
Yes, he was a warrior.

Mom:
Not evil. Fierce.
His eyes were huge and white (when she saw him as a ghost).

Aunt:
I will talk to him.
Yes, he is a spirit.

Mom:
Okay. Kris knows he is not evil. Because as a child, when he came to her, he froze when she looked at him.

Aunt:
No, he loves her but is mad that she has not come back.
He misses her.
He will be aggressive.

Mom:
He isn’t earthbound?

Aunt:
NO

Mom:
Like waiting in a castle for her?

Aunt:
But she keeps coming back.
Yep.

Mom:
And he does not?

Aunt:
Right. He has chosen not to come back. I will try to contact him.
OHHHH

Mom:
Kris thinks he was there for her sister.

Aunt:
NOOOO he is there for Kris.
Not her sister.

Mom:
I agree.
Remember her medieval vision? About me (possibly).

Aunt:
Yes.

Mom:
Waiting to climb up the castle wall.

Aunt:
I believe you and I were there at the same time. I read books about castles and feel I have been there. Walked on the cold stone floors and felt the cold walls.

Mom:
Some of her dreams were seeing “paintings.”

Aunt:
Maybe she was an artist.

Mom:
Kris wants to know if the dream about him was just a dream or a memory.

Aunt:
His spirit is trying to contact her. He doesn’t mean to scare her.

Mom:
I think so, too.

Aunt:
He is so lonely for her.
I will do the cards on him.

Mom:
She is reluctant to believe he is waiting for her.

Aunt:
Ace of Swords. YES.
It is him.

Mom:
Kris says maybe we were twins back then?

Aunt:
Yes, I bet we were. I have always felt that we should have been twins.

Mom:
I have always felt like I was a twin but nobody would tell me where my twin was?
So what do his cards mean?

Aunt:
He was a very important knight.
He was very much in love with Kris.
She died.
Or he died.

Mom:
But did she love him?

Aunt:
YES.
Oh very much so.

Mom:
He must not have come back at all yet.

Aunt:
NO
He doesn’t want to come back.

Mom:
Kris wishes she hadn’t. She’s told me so many times that she doesn’t belong in this time.

Aunt:
I don’t believe I do, either. I understand how she feels.
I will tell him to be patient.

Mom:
.... And I told her when she told me about the castle turret that I was going to get a baby from the woman in the castle. I was getting a baby that was stolen. Kris says someone was going to lower a rope or something down to me but maybe they got caught?

Aunt:
Maybe that is how I got here. They beheaded me. Ha!

Mom:
Kris could have been a captive he fell in love with.

Aunt:
TRUE.

Mom:
That would explain her fear of him.

Aunt:
Well I have a fear of being smothered.

Mom:
In her dream, she says it was a battlefield. She says he was the LEADER.
Yelling directions to the warriors.
He had a white horse.

Aunt:
OH MY GOD
I just pulled a card on him and it was a white horse. The sun card.
Wow

Mom:
Now that is funny.

Aunt:
Just as you said it.
Wow

Mom:
Do you suppose he’s constantly watching her?

Aunt:
Oh yes
She needs to talk to him.

Mom:
Literally?

Aunt:
Yes. She needs to chat with him.
Let him know she is aware of him and that he knows she is a very private person and to be patient.

Mom:
She says he had a chance to speak and was stunned when he saw she could see him.

Aunt:
Yes, but she was a child.
He was guarding her. Children can see spirits. Adults have a harder time of it.

Mom:
She was about 7 when she saw him in real life. He was fixing the covers at her feet. Smoothing them out.

Aunt:
He must have loved her dearly.

Mom:
And he looked up and noticed her staring at him and he stopped moving. He wasn’t even breathing.

Aunt:
It frightened him.

Mom:
Did he recognize the child as the woman he loved?

Aunt:
She wasn’t supposed to see him.
Yes. Of course. He knew she needed to come back.

Mom:
I agree with you.

Aunt:
So he was protecting her.

Mom:
Just “checking” in on her.

Aunt:
Does she see a letter in her mind, ever?

Mom:
She says no.
He was dressed as a knight. Dressed in burgundy. With a vest. Vertical stitching. Blonde pageboy above the shoulders.

Aunt:
He said he would come to her in peace.

Mom:
What the hell does that mean? ;o)

Aunt:
I could hear him screaming at me.

Mom:
He is screaming what?

Aunt:
I told him to come to her in peace in her dreams. That his forcefulness scares her.
He screamed, "BUT I LOVE HER!"
Then I envisioned him kneeling and bowing his head and saying he would do so.
Bowing his head.

Mom:
Good. Maybe we’ll get somewhere now. It has haunted her forever.

Aunt:
Does he have hair to his shoulders?

Mom:
Yes. Yellow.

Aunt:
YES

Mom:
Dressed very well.

Aunt:
It was him. I know it was.

Mom:
In burgundy.

Aunt:
Blonde hair. YES

Mom:
Yellow blonde. Very blonde.

Aunt:
It was him. I know it was. He had a deep voice.

Mom:
Name?

Aunt:
He won’t come back. He won’t tell me. May start with an L.

Mom:
Kris says she just knows he was dressed weird and looked different from men she knew. She was only 7.

Aunt:
I asked him, but he would not come back.

Mom:
Wonder why? Lord something? Kris says she was thinking “L.” Now that is weird.

Aunt:
No, it is not weird. It is connecting to the Other Side. Maybe he will come back. He has to want to talk to me.

Mom:
Maybe he’ll come to you in a dream and talk to you. He can channel to you.

Aunt:
He has a very deep voice. Yes, he can. Sometimes I get better stuff awake than asleep.

Mom:
Kris wants him not to scare her again.

Aunt:
I told him so. I saw a tear coming down his face.

Mom:
Oh, wow. He was crying. Maybe relieved to make contact?

Aunt:
Yes. I told him he was scaring her. He got on one knee and bowed his head to me.

Mom:
So he agreed to do what you asked. This is good.

Mom:
Kris doesn’t want him to be sad.

Aunt:
I told him he didn’t have to come back to me but he needed to go to her and make peace. He knows my name! He said “Yes, Cynthia, I will go to her.”

Mom:
Ask him if he knew you then, too?

Aunt:
When I ask his name, I feel nothing. He won’t answer.
Okay.

Mom:
Lord something…. Maybe that is the “L.”

Aunt:
He said I was his mother????????????

Mom:
And me?

Aunt:
He said, “Don’t you remember?”

Mom:
Did he know me? Kris tried to play her vhs tape of First Knight today and it messed up. The sound was crackling.

Aunt:
“I knew all of you well.”

Mom:
How does he know Kris? How did they meet? Did they marry?

Aunt:
He is playing games with me. He won’t tell me.

Mom:
Ha! Perhaps it is too hard for an old Knight? Not tough enough for the 21st century? ;o)

Aunt:
I had tears rolling down my face and I didn’t even know it. This is so weird.

Mom:
Yes, I understand. At one point I felt it, too.

Aunt:
I asked, “Why did you not come back?” He just screamed NO

Mom:
NO MORE
Kris understands.

Aunt:
And I said, but she did. And he shook his head.
His name is Patrick.
Was there a name of that then????
He said his name is Patrick.
????

Mom:
Omg! That is the name we gave a puppy dog statue I have. ;o)

Aunt:
Were there Patrick’s then?

Mom:
Yes, I suppose. St. Patrick.

Aunt:
We need to find out.

Mom:
I will look it up. What country is he from?

Aunt:
He said I came back to find my children, but I couldn’t find them because they didn’t come back.
Ireland.
Wow. That was fast. I just read what you said and Ireland came to me.
But that would match the name, wouldn’t it?

*********

(Conversation was lost, so they began a new one)

Mom:
Patrick is the most common Irish name. And there were Irish Knights as well. What was that about his children? He was looking for them?

Aunt:
He said I came back to find my children.

Mom:
He came back to our time to find them?

Aunt:
But what I didn’t understand was that they chose not to come back.
NO, I DID. He came to find Kris.
“But her name was not Kris.”
Whatever that means. Ha!
Ana something, Annabelle, Ana???

Mom:
He remember her name? I will look up Irish women’s names.

Aunt:
GREAT. Let me know.

Mom:
I will. And were they married?

Aunt:
Yes. He showed me flowers, white ones around her neck.
????

Mom:
When they were married?

Aunt:
Yes. See if the Irish wore flowers around their necks in ceremonies.

Mom:
I will look into marriages during that time, too. She must have come from a wealthy family.

Aunt:
Yes.
He said, “We know why we love lavender?”
Is there lavender in Ireland?

Mom:
The flower

Aunt:
Yes

Mom:
England.

Aunt:
Yes. The smell. I don’t know.

Mom:
I don’t know about Ireland.

Aunt:
Maybe Kris was from England and he was from Ireland.

Mom:
Perhaps. Very close to each other.
Why does he say we know why we love lavender?

Aunt:
I don’t know.

Mom:
He speaks in riddles.
England is full of lavender.

Aunt:
Yes, he does.
He is playful.

Mom:
Good, he has a sense of humor.

Aunt:
It is so weird. Now I can tell when they want to speak and when they don’t.

Mom:
Is this the first big thing like this for you?

Aunt:
No, I’ve done it many times.
If it ever happens to you, you’ll understand the difference in thinking and knowing.

Mom:
Her name was Celtic. Very hard to pronounce. I think it starts out as Ana…

Aunt:
Ana something. Yes.

Mom:
Celtic. Very ancient.

Aunt:
Analeigh… Ana???

Mom:
Ask him if her name was Celtic.

Aunt:
He won’t answer me.

Mom:
Very hard to spell. Very hard to pronounce.

Aunt:
He has pulled back.

Mom:
Shoot. He is tired. Kris will wait for him in her dreams and perhaps he will make her understand. It has haunted her all her life, for 21 years.

Aunt:
He is watching over her. He will not go away.
“Her spirit is the old one.”
That is what he said.

Mom:
And Patrick was your child.

Aunt:
Yes, he calls me MOTHER.
And I just blurted out his name when I was talking to him. Like I knew it.

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Day After Reading -

I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I was even feeling edgy the day before the reading - which wasn’t even planned - so I guess that, subconsciously, I knew something was about to happen?

The morning after the reading I was getting ready for work. The school didn't call that day, so I went on the internet to look at Victorian graphics and to find a clipart pic I saw a while back that looked a lot like Patrick. Lol! During my search I stumbled on this one site that had pretty graphics with poems. A couple of those had medieval paintings. Two of the poems echoed what my aunt was saying in her reading.

It took me years to finally concede that perhaps stumbling into those poems wasn’t an accident. That perhaps I was LED to find those poems as confirmation for my aunt’s reading.

Come Back To Me
We Meet By Chance

PS - I just realized that in one reading years later Patrick kept mentioning "I'm Francis." What if what he was really saying was "Francine," as that's the author of the poems above? What if by "I'M Francis (Francine)" what he meant was that those poems were from him? (Which he did mention in that one reading; that he led me to them).

He also did mention another poem later on, but that happened a reading or two after the "Francis" mention. That time, he wasn't talking about the two poems above either.

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Update 9-20-11; My Niece's 15th Birthday!

It dawned on me that perhaps when he said "We know why we love lavender," it's related to those pet rabbits?! (What I'm speaking of is mentioned in one of the readings found in another post on this site). I read today that rabbits love to eat lavender, and that the males even roll in the scent to attract females.

Patrick was very adamant about those rabbits in a couple readings, and I've had many dreams where there's a rabbit present. In one dream (the one with my niece) he was in total disbelief that I didn't remember them from that past life. Just MAYBE there's a connection here with the bunnies and lavender?

~ Automatic Writing ~

2011-09-04T19:17:00.000-05:00

Years ago I talked my mother into trying Automatic Writing again. She was going to do one from her Papa, but at the top of the page the only thing which came through was the letter “P” followed by a possible automatic writing from Patrick.

In Mom’s Automatic Writing, Patrick mentioned how we used to “look up at the Heavens and wonder at them.” So the correlation b/w the stars being mentioned in the AW, as well as in that swans/stars dream (which I'll mention elsewhere), certainly caught my attention. And add to that that at the time of the AW even I had forgotten about the dream with the palace and the swans. I now take that dream as being a gift from Patrick. (Took around 10 years for me to figure that one out. That was such a peaceful dream). I think he’s trying to get me to remember that past life. (Which I never will of course).

Here’s the AW my mother did. After that, she did a reading on him. Mom got a monster of a migraine afterward:

P

I cannot tell you how much this means to me. I have waited many lifetimes. Watching. Waiting and still more Watching and Waiting. You grew up fast! How I wish you would remember me! I try to WILL IT, but it seems to be beyond my power. I wish for you to understand something about me. I was a hard man in so many ways, but to survive this must be. How else does one protect so many he is responsible for. We often looked at the heavens and wondered at them. I still remember it well. You seem a little lost to me. Is this so? Do not be so, for I will always find YOU! No matter what comes between. I loved you more than you loved me I think, for you sometimes feared me and you know you were most tender and kind to me, despite my crude ways. You were the flower. I was the thorn. I show you a white handkerchief. For purity and love for eternal life without ever ending. Until you nor I are separated again. Try to remember me. I am right there at the edge. Don’t forget to ask for me to come. I must be invited.

(Click on Thumbnails)

Most of the AW looks like her writing, but there are words that are in print. Mom hates print and always writes in cursive, so that was interesting. And a few words were ‘fatter’ or ‘stretched out’ if-you-will. The last sentence on the 2nd page (and part of the last line on the last page) is definitely not Mom’s handwriting, and he definitely talks differently than she does. Lol! When she re-read some of it later, she didn’t even remember writing it. She even had a hard time understanding 1 or 2 of his poetic lines. And sometimes she couldn’t even recognize the writing b/c the letters looked a little different from her regular script. I also noticed that there were no commas when Mom wrote this, and that he underlines words differently than Mom normally would.

Old Patrick Dreams - pt 1

2011-09-04T18:17:00.005-05:00

In the Forest

This is a dream I had a while back. I completely dismissed it because it had some silliness in it. But after a few weeks it dawned on me that maybe the silliness in the dream WAS the actual message.
I was inside a building and I went outside. It was nighttime. Very, very dark and I was in a forest. It may have been a little foggy, too, but I do remember it being a very dark forest. Off in the distance I could see a white horse galloping away. A man was on this horse, and it was Patrick. I tried calling after him so that I could FINALLY get some answers as to who he is. No matter how loud I screamed, he kept galloping further away. I couldn’t understand why he was running away either. (Or perhaps he was trying to get me to follow him? But... you try chasing after a man on a galloping horse, in a dark forest and with only your 2 legs to carry you. Lol!) Anyway, he was determined that I not catch up to him. While I was trying to get him to stop, I noticed that an actress from a tv sitcom was outside with me. She was also shouting for Patrick. Just the fact that an actress was in my dream made me brush it off as not being a message of any sort from Patrick.

However--- at work one day I decided to go ahead and write down the dream anyway. When doing this, I realized that the name of the sitcom that actress stars in is called "King of Queens."

Maybe there was a message there after all. The 'silliness' in the dream was in fact the message. All these years my family has always called Patrick "the Knight." But what if he was trying to tell me in the dream that he was not once a knight, but of royalty; hence the reference to “King of Queens.” All I know is that royalty was in his family for sure. (Patrick dresses like quite the dandy fellow. Very ornamental clothing which is very formal. Very “fru-fru” if you will).

Note: This is also a dream my friend had before we met. Only replace the rider with someone else. Odd, huh? There were a lot of coincidences like this that happened b/w us. ----------------------------------------------------

Scottish

This is another dream I had not long before, or after, the dream listed above. I was sitting with my sister, next to an indoor pond. Small plants were everywhere. My sister showed me a facial expression Patrick used to have. (I don't think I really saw it, even in the dream. I just think it was some sort of serious look. Nothing noteworthy, really). Then I looked down and saw that one of the little plants beside us had PLAID on it. It was as if a light with a plaid pattern was shining on it. I immediately knew that it meant that Patrick was actually Scottish, and not Irish as one would naturally presume; given his name. My sister looked at the plant and told me that it meant he was in mourning.

Okay, so I have no idea what that was about but I refuse to be close-minded about anything that comes through about him. Maybe it will make sense to me someday.

8-13-08 Update: I feel like a complete idiot for not having wondered this years ago, but it just now dawned on me that perhaps he was trying to tell me that he was mourning over Scotland. He must have fought for Scotland's freedom; Culloden or something similar? I really feel stupid now. It's so obvious what this dream meant. I remember that the day I wrote this down, I really didn't give it much thought. I just recorded it, then moved on.

I probably should also mention something I didn't when I wrote down this dream. The setting GREATLY looked like the Commons Area of my college. It was one of the San Jacinto Colleges, and now I'm thinking that that right there might have been noteworthy. WHY, you ask? Ever hear of the Battle of San Jacinto?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_San_Jacinto
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Cottage

This is a short dream I had in late 2004 or early 2005, which I had originally brushed off as imagination. It was basically just seeing a scene. No talking or anything was in it; as are all my past life dreams.

I was in some room with Patrick. It was like a small cottage not connected to anything. The ceilings weren’t too tall and the room was all wood. There were red curtains around a fancy bed and the bedding was red, too. There may have been gold tassels on the bed curtains and I think the bed was on a small platform? I seem to recall the colors in this dream being a bit vivid, even though the room was lit by candlelight.

(It was daylight, too. There was one very small ‘window’ in the room, which was closed).

There was lots of noise outside. A lot of commotion. We were standing a few feet from one another, each of us standing on our own opposite sides of the room; myself by the bed and him by the door. I remember there being a lot of tension in the room. I had decided then and there that we were being ridiculous and that this stupid game of ours needed to end. That we needed to admit that we had feelings for one another. In this dream, I was MAD for him. I'm talking madly in love. I remember feeling like he was determined to keep strict control of his emotions - even the distance between us - but that for the first time I was no longer going to hide my feelings.

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Castle Tower

This was like a picture an artist painted from high up in a castle. It was of the street below. The buildings were all made of a porous, light brown stone. Along the sandy walk I saw several ladies wearing those tall hats with the veils on them. They wore dark blue dresses. The window in the castle was nothing but a hole carved in the wall.

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Once a warrior, always a warrior A gang was coming up to me, pointing a gun at me. I just ignored them, thinking they just might go away if I wouldn't pay them any mind. They followed me, and when I finally turned to face them, their eyes grew HUGE. I knew they were frightened b/c they were seeing a ghost standing behind me; Patrick. I've always thought that was a little strange. ----------------------------------------------------

Tent/Battle

This dream was like seeing an impressionistic painting. (A lot of my Renaissance dreams are like that). I was in a field out in the middle of nowhere. Trees were far off in the distance. I saw many white tents with red insignias on top. In front of one of these tents I saw Patrick in his human form. His clothes were red and white. He was sitting on top a white horse that was reared high up on its hind legs. He held his sword high in the air and was yelling. A battle was starting, and he was the leader. I hid inside a small tent, knowing that if he found me I’d be dead for sure. I was TERRIFIED of him and thought him very evil. The tent I was in was more like a large sheet which covered stacks of furniture; stools and other stuff. All the furniture was kind of small. The rest of the dream was hiding inside this tent.

I have an expanded, more vivid memory of this dream. Only, I’m not sure it was remembering more of the dream, my subconscious remembering what really happened, or imagination. It was very vivid though. Basically, the battle began and I ran like mad to safety. I pulled an older woman, with black hair pulled up in a bun, with me inside a tent with furniture inside. I remember a wooden cupboard and block table. The furniture was very low and there wasn't anything large enough to hide inside, so the woman and I just dropped to our knees and tried to pray. This woman was my handmaiden. Her dress was dark burgundy and very heavy. It had water spots on it; little darkened black spots on certain parts of her skirt. We were so TERRIFIED of this Knight/whoever finding us. We just hid there without making a sound. I knew that if he found me, I’d be dead. That would be the end. I really cannot express just how certain I was that if he found us we would die. To me, that was a FACT. If we were found, we would be killed... period. There was absolutely no hope for escape or that our lives would be spared. Our fate that we'd be killed was set in stone. Finally, the tent flap was brushed aside. The Knight silently peered his head inside. His eyes latched onto mine, and I think he sort of pursed his lips. He didn’t utter one word. Neither of us did. He only stared back at me, silently, and with these huge eyes; a lot like I saw in real life when 7, only they didn’t glow in the dream. I was so afraid of him that I remember his energy not even feeling human. It felt like he was some wild, untamed savage beast or something, and that that silence of his as he peered his head inside that tent and looked straight back at me... well to this day it feels frightening. That thick silence and that intense stare was like facing a nightmare. I was so, so scared! This dream/memory was VERY VIVID and felt very real. I still remember waking up from this dream. When I woke up I was actually pissed off. I was just so confused because in this dream he might as well have been the devil himself, yet when I saw his spirit when I was a child, I know he wasn't like that. Terrifying as that childhood experience was, I now know that smoothing the covers at my feet was a loving gesture. He was looking out for me and my sister, making sure were were comfortable and warm. I actually remember thinking, immediately after I woke up, that this dream was like Patrick having an evil twin or something. Lol! It just didn't make sense to me b/c my God I was PETRIFIED OUT OF MY MIND in that dream. My mother tells me that maybe I took the evil feelings away in this dream b/c I was really afraid of the violence surrounding me, and just assumed he was out to do harm towards me.

UPDATE: I discovered that this might not just be a PL memory, but Patrick formulating the dream himself. He was trying to let me know that he will always protect me. I also just read by accident (May '07) that in that dream I was telling myself to calm down b/c it was only a dream and I was safe. And I'm now thinking - years later - that maybe the insignias on the tents were the rampant lion?

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Rock Building
This one is sort of embarrassing. I wore a very fancy, pale yellow colored dress. It glittered a bit and trailed behind me. The sleeves were long and very tight. The entire dress was tight fitting. I was tall and had strawberry blonde hair. My hair was long, wavy and worn down. I was very pale skinned. I was walking in a clearing beside the woods. The trees were very skinny and tall. Tucked in front of where a tree line began, was a rock building. It was low and made of dark gray rock. I went inside. I saw a few small windows that were just cut-outs in the walls, and rows and rows of stone toilets! There was just one lady sitting in a throne/chair in the very back of the room. It was as if her job was to look after people in there. (Like how in fancy restaurants nowadays, you have people hand you towels, etc.) In this dream, I decided to high tail it out of there asap! There was no way I was going in there when another person was present!

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This was a rather strange dream; this one was set in space. It was just seeing a ‘picture’ of a scene, and I’ve dreamt it 2 or 3 times that I can recall. I’ve always suspected the man in the dream was Patrick…. but didn’t think much on that since Patrick was just a huge mystery to me back then. He was just “the ghost” or “the knight” to me. And since I remembered this dream and decided to look it up in my old journal this week, it reminded me of how in that automatic writing Patrick mentioned he and I “looking up at the Heavens and wondering at them.” And then there’s that beautiful swans/stars dream that I also had years ago, which I now KNOW was a gift from Patrick. (I'll mention the stars/swans dream and the AW later). But this ‘space dream’ as I always used to call it is starting to make sense now I think. (That is, if “looking up at the Heavens” was a favorite past time of ours). Here’s the dream:

All it was was seeing a house of sorts floating in space, and a VERY tall man standing in front of it. He had blonde hair and was very muscular. He had a sword raised above his head and just stared straight ahead with this serious, blank expression on his face. His eyes were definitely Patrick’s eyes. (I can say that with certainty these days now that I’ve had a couple dreams recently where I’ve seen his eyes up close). They had that sort of ‘wild’ look to them; you know, where even the whites of his eyes are prominent. (By the way… the best way I can describe Patrick is to describe He-Man. Lol! That’s right. He-Man from the 80’s cartoon series). Anyway, the ‘house’ looming behind him was made of steel. He was standing on the ‘patio’ I guess you could call it, though it really looked like a stage. I even remember there being bright white lights on the edge of this patio/stage. They were round and just lined the edge.

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Vision/Castle

I’ve had only one or two waking visions in my life, which is surprising. They just came so out-of-the-blue. I wasn’t even really into the paranormal when I had my first vision, and I certainly didn’t believe in past lives:

My first vision was of a peasant lady outside. She was peering behind her shoulder, as if making sure no one was around to see what she was about to do. It actually looked like she was about to scale a castle turret in the middle of the night! (I imagine that she was really waiting for someone to thrown down a rope of some kind for her to climb up).

The rest of the 'picture' I saw was this—
Torches on the castle, very green grass, and a very dark night. No trees were around the castle. (Later, my mother told me that would be common back then for defense purposes). I saw a woman wearing a thin, sleeveless white gauzy slip of sorts with her dark black hair in total disarray. She was also very dirty, emaciated and had dark circles under her eyes. She was looking over her shoulder to make sure no one saw her. She was definitely trying to sneak her way in.

A few years later I brought it up again, and Mom just casually said that maybe she was sneaking in the castle that night to see her baby that was taken away from her. She believes the woman was trying to get her baby back. She says she feels like the Queen's child died at childbirth. The Queen was so distressed that they replaced her child with a peasant's baby that had just been born around the same time.

Fast forward about a year later— My aunt (with no foreknowledge of my vision) told my mother that she had had a strange dream when a teenager. She dreamt that she was sneaking inside a castle to steal back her babies (twins) that were taken from her and given to the queen. She was walking up some spiraling steps, her hand touching the wall on the way up. (She says the castle walls were very cold). She looked back to find someone following her. She said they were very evil and I believe she said that they killed her?

So I thought Mom’s guess of my vision matching a dream my aunt had a bit strange/interesting.

Also, Mom thinks the queen was so upset over her baby's death that she was beginning to lose her mind, and so she eventually believed them when they lied to her... saying that they were mistaken and her baby really is alive. And Mom/my Aunt/whomever was sneaking inside the castle to take back what was theirs; their baby that was taken away.

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Gerry Butler/Patrick Dream
It was nighttime and I was walking along a sidewalk outside a strip of shopping centers. I saw Gerry walking towards me, but knew he’d never stop for me. But once he did reach me, he pivoted and began walking with me. I wrapped my arm around his waist, and he wrapped his around my shoulder I think. He never spoke a word. Just smiled down at me. When I looked up into his face I knew he wasn’t really Gerry, but Patrick. I could tell by the eyes. Also, his smile was very "unearthly" you might say. Very serene and otherworldly. The best way I can describe it is like "Faramir" in the Houses of Healing scene in the movie “Return of the King,” when he sees Eowyn for the first time. The smile was sort of ‘haunting’ – pardon the pun.

I looked up at him and couldn’t help but tell him that he had “THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES.”

After that, we walked inside a Target store. I know it was a Target because the counters were red. Once we entered the store, he immediately separated from me. “Gerry” ambled directly to a cashier to pay for something. (What, I’m not sure seeing as I never saw the man shop for anything. I didn’t even see an item in his hand).

End Dream.

*~* 2 days later I visited GB’s website. I normally just check the updates thread. I don’t even open the thread unless it’s been updated, but that day I decided to check all the new posts for a change. One of the first posts was a Phantom of the Opera vid someone did on August 1, 2005. It was updated that day; May 1st one entire year later. It was titled “POTO vid – IF YOU SAY MY EYES ARE BEAUTIFUL.” *~*

How’s THAT for a coincidence?! When I told Mom about the store in my dream being a Target, she instantly said – “Bulls eye.” I never thought of that, but there has to be a reason for the store in the dream being a Target. I guess it just symbolized that I was “right on target” that Gerry in the dream was really Patrick, or that Gerry and Patrick’s personalities are similar. Maybe both.

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The 'Staring into my Soul' Dream(This one really set me in a depression)

Ever seen the the tv series, “Christy?” Remember the rugged, Scottish Dr. Neil MacNeill? Well he was in it and in this dream I was mad for the man. I mean I loved him like crazy. In the beginning of the dream it was like watching an old episode of “Christy.” Opal was giddy with happiness as she held her baby in her arms – only she had to be told that that baby wasn’t hers. Her baby was dead.

(Note: This echoes how my aunt and that psychic said something about Patrick and losing children. It also echoed my Mom’s feelings on a vision I had once – which was explained earlier on this website. I’ve always ignored this part of the dream, as it’s possible I was dreaming it b/c of that… although at the time I wasn’t thinking of any of that at all. I also wasn’t watching the “Christy” episodes like I used to. Also… I’ve had another dream before where a lady ghost was crying for her children. So, maybe there’s a message there that’s trying to come through. The lady ghost, by the way, I’ve dreamt about twice now).

Opal screamed and ran into the next room of the cabin to see her child. She was wailing out loud, and near the fireplace across the room was Dr. MacNeill sitting in a chair. His back was facing me and I could clearly hear and see that he was crying because he couldn’t save the baby’s life. I wanted… desperately… to go to him and comfort him, but I knew he wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I had to leave him alone. I forced myself to leave.

(Note: I’ve never told my mother about the first half of this dream, and yet she has said that she thinks Patrick was a tortured soul in his PL – something which, I admit, I am drawn to in this life. [Hence my obsession over Scottish Neil MacNeill from the Christy tv series, Scottish actor Gerry Butler, and Faramir from LOTR]. Mom said she thinks that due to Patrick’s station, he was taught from early childhood to be “above” his emotions. It was all about survival for him and the men he was in charge of. But I find it strange that her feelings echo my dream above. I wanted sooo badly to comfort him, yet knew I couldn’t do that b/c it wasn’t in his experience to be “mollycoddled” through any pain or disappointments).

In the next part of my dream I was with my family in some hospital waiting room. When - finally - he walks in the door, I'm so incredibly happy. I was so in love with this man that even my family can see it. It's written all over my face just how much I love him.

Neil was signing in for his first day at his new job there. (Makes sense as in the tv series Neil is a doctor). At one point I walked up to him at the secretary’s desk. He turns to look at me, and when our eyes meet his face is so close to mine. I go speechless, not making one sound and literally freezing on the spot. In the back of my mind, I'm even thinking he might very well kiss me right then...... in front of all these people, which I think sort of embarrassed me. Lol! But when he turned around and looked into my eyes, I was in for a surprise b/c I saw PATRICK’S eyes staring back at me. I completely forgot what I was going to tell him b/c those eyes caught me so much by surprise. I expected to see Dr. MacNeill’s eyes, not Patrick’s. All that went reeling through my mind was how incredibly vulnerable I felt as his very intense eyes bored into mine. I felt vulnerable and helpless, as in he saw into my very soul. It was sort of an uncomfortable feeling actually. There were absolutely no secrets between us. He never spoke to me in the dream. Just stared at me. I also remember thinking how light blue his eyes are.

And I understood that he knows things about me that EVEN I don’t know! But at the same time I knew that there were absolutely no judgments from him. He accepts me for the person that I am – faults and all - without reservation.

Next, "Neil" is taken away by another doctor/someone that works there; some lady. I wait, and wait and wait for him to return. I decide I'm being foolish. He isn't coming back in the room to see me. (I think he told me he would, or I thought I could read his thoughts that he would. He never outright spoke in my dream).

Finally, he walks in and is in an - unnaturally - cheery mood for a change. He was joining a slumber party with the family. Lol!

In the next part of my dream, everyone is asleep and I was lying in bed. In this one bed was myself, my cousin I think (she was about 10 in my dream) and Dr. MacNeill/Patrick. He doesn't have a shirt on and he's very MUSCULAR. While he and I aren't an item yet, I love him - desperately. I was bashful about letting my feelings be known to him, yet I was so mad for this man. This sounds silly, but in the dream I didn’t want to seem too forward about my feelings, so instead of holding his hand I just grabbed one of his fingers and held on to it - sort of like a child would. Lol! After that I felt him take my entire hand. A couple seconds later he gave it the gentlest squeeze. We never speak. He then rolls over, almost on top of me, and just holds me close. I cannot even begin to describe how heavenly that felt. I was so relieved to discover in that dream that he shared my feelings. We just lay there, holding each other and not speaking a word. The second he took my hand voluntarily, that's when I knew 100% that he shared my feelings.

It really depressed me when I woke up the next morning. It affected me for a few weeks actually. Pardon my theatrics here, but it was like being in Heaven’s Gates one moment…. and then waking up in a hell (of sorts) in the next moment. I mean, in this dream I could even remember feeling his weight around me as he held me. That was my last thought in the dream.

And the next morning I realized that life feels so lonely when you can only feel that kind of love with a man in a dream.

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UPDATE about the dream above: I just remembered something about this dream. I didn’t originally write it down b/c I thought it was nothing, but I’m now thinking that that was an error in judgment. I think there might be a message there after all.

In the part of my dream where I’m lying in bed, at first my head was at the foot of the bed. In other words, I was lying in the bed BACKWARDS at first. When I woke up was when I finally lied in it correctly.

But for a long time now I’ve had this… well, let’s just call it a gut feeling… that that position was meant to represent YIN and YANG. You know, the masculine and feminine energies. While looking up information about yin/yang today, I stumbled into some sites about soulmates/twin flames.

I’m also beginning to wonder if my cousin (a younger version of her) was in this dream because:

- He and I were distant cousins.

- I was that age (around 9 or 10) when he and I first met. (Mom thinks I was his ward for a time).

- He’s trying to tell me that my name back then did have an ANN in it somewhere. (I’ve been told by two people they thought my name was something like “Annabelle.” It had an “Ann” in it they both say. And well… my cousin’s name is JulieANNE.” Of course, my sister says my name was Rebecca and I've heard Patrick call me "Becky" many times).

But I do believe a lot of truths/messages are in the details of our dreams.

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Come Back To Me
The day after the dream above, I had the following dream. It was short and kind of weird.

In it I was rewinding a cassette tape of mine. When I hit the play button to see if I had it on the correct spot, some Spanish song of all things was playing on the radio. The only English words I heard were “Come Back To Me.”

Old Patrick Dreams - pt 2

2011-09-03T16:06:00.005-05:00

Reunion Dream:

This one depressed me. It depressed me so much that it took months for me to write it down. I knew I’d never forget it, so I waited to record it. I had this dream first though, at a time when it still hadn’t sunk in that Patrick was coming incognito as Neil. He came as Neil b/c in that ‘tent/battle dream’ he scared me to death. Lol! (I think he comes as Neil most of the time now b/c I’m comfortable with that image. I guess it’s Patrick’s “safe” way of visiting me in dreamstate. And I have been told that Patrick’s energy is very “thick” and “intense” and “intimidating,” but that he’s really a gentle soul – or he was in his past life until it was time for battle. And I, too, believe his energy is very intense b/c I think I’ve felt it firsthand. In fact, I felt it so strongly in my room once that I slept in the guestroom for an entire week. Lol! Of course, idiot me didn’t even ponder at the time that it could have been him).
But back to the dream....

I was waiting for “Neil” inside some old fashioned building. I was standing by the fireplace, waiting for him to show up. The room was pretty bare, and the fireplace was an ‘open-air’ concept and made of stone. Instead of the backside of the fireplace resting against a wall, only one edge was flushed against the wall. One side of it faced the front door and the other the room. I always thought that strange but Mom tells me that that would have been common in Renaissance times – for ventilation I guess? (Years later I saw the exact same kind of fireplace on some Hallmark version of Little House on the Prairie of all things. This was a cabin in my dream, mind you, and it did remind me of a Pioneer cabin, only... Patrick isn't from that time so that confuses me).

But I was waiting for him on the other side of the fireplace when Neil (possibly Patrick) BURST through the door with the WIDEST GRIN! We were both grinning like crazy, and even when he kissed me I remember thinking how lucky I was. I cannot even begin to describe how elatedly happy we both felt and how SURE we were that we had each found the right person. We were so happy we were actually GIDDY. Our excitement just could not be contained. I even remember thinking in the dream that a lot of outside forces (people he and I both knew) didn’t want us to be together, but that we had both finally decided that very day – “Well to Hell with them and what THEY want!” All we wanted was to be happy, together, and on our own terms. A lot of this dream was very quiet and serene though. Even more than when he burst inside, I remember standing by a lit fireplace, alone and waiting for him to arrive. I even remember him kissing me in front of this fireplace, and everything was so QUIET and peaceful.

But I cannot begin to describe how STRONG our feelings for each other were. I don’t think “Love” is even a powerful enough word. Honestly, I think "love" is a puney word to describe the feelings in this dream. I don’t think the word even exists in our vocabulary to describe those feelings. You have to feel them for yourself to comprehend the force of it.

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Dream about Patrick's horse:

- After my friend did a reading one night, the next morning I was wondering if Patrick’s horse ever had a name. I even voiced my question out loud. (Don’t ask me why I was so curious about such a trivial thing as his horse’s name. LOL! I just wanted to know, as this white horse seems to be very important to Patrick. I see it in a lot of my dreams with him, and a white horse is always in tarot readings on him). I went back to sleep that morning, but woke with the memory of a dream of seeing a large piece of old parchment with torn edges. It said “Hooker” on it, and then went into describing the type of horse it was. It was like reading a definition in the dictionary really fast, but all I remembered reading was “Dapple Mare.”

Well, when I woke up I thought “Hooker” was a strange name for a pet, but I looked it up anyway. I found out that it had Old English/Irish origins and was coined by the Anglo-Saxon tribes of Britain. I then looked up pictures of dapple mares, and they do look like Patrick’s horse. I always thought of it as a white horse, but on the internet even the dapple grey mares look white to me. So maybe he really was trying to answer my question through that dream. Also, in that dream the information was coming in FAST... which is common for spirit communication.

And this is a little interesting –
Two days after that dream, my Mom was looking at computer desks on the internet when one of the desks she was seriously looking at went by the brand name "Hooker." LOL! My friend told me she thought that that was confirmation for my dream. That it was Patrick’s way of forcing me to pay attention and to stop second-guessing my dream.

- The morning I had the dream about the name of Patrick’s horse, my friend dreamt about a white horse that night as well.

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Another Hugging Dream:

Last night I was WIRED and couldn’t sleep at all, so I decided to peruse my dream journals. I stumbled across a dream entry from 2002. I’m thinking Patrick was “incognito” in that dream. I’m so glad I wrote this dream down. I do remember writing it down b/c it really stuck with me and depressed me, which I thought unusual. The dream I'll type below -
I had the dumbest/emotional dream this morning. (Tossed and turned all night TRYING to sleep). It sounds dumb, but this dream had NX’s ‘Chris in the Morning’ in it. In the dream I knew he had to end up with Maggie, but the trouble was that I loved him more. And, to my surprise, he felt the same. But we both knew that he had to end up with Maggie anyway – like in the tv show. We never said how we felt about each other outwardly. We each knew by a mere hug. A very long hug. I remember giving him just this simple “See ya” hug, but feeling very sad. I mean, in this dream…. I was sooo in love. But as I hugged him, he hugged me back. And he would not let go of me! He just kept on holding me tight, and that’s when I felt so keenly that he had feelings for me as well. It was so terrible! Terrible because we didn’t have a choice. We couldn’t be together. Then, later in the dream, I was crying so hard about it in front of some friend – but not telling her why I was so upset. (She was a little upset about something, too). Anyway, it sounds dumb but the feelings I felt for him… and the feelings I felt coming from him…. were so real. Guess this was your typical ‘I’m lonely’ dream. That’s it – an ‘I’m lonely. Please hug me’ dream. :o(

End dream.

But then... in the same entry at the very end… what did I write down but this ---

"I’ve also been wondering very much lately about whom the Knight is exactly – the ghost I saw when 7 years old. I’m so curious to discover the truth. He is real. Very real, though I’ve only seen him the one time."

Okay, so in this dream Chris/Patrick was just hugging me. Well… in that ‘staring into my soul’ dream he did the exact same thing. Just held me close. Also, in both dreams he never spoke a word. (Which I hear is normal for spirits as they communicate telepathically). Also, I was wondering about 'the ghost/knight' at the time that I had the above dream. So I guess Patrick knew I was wondering who he was again, so he came to me in my dream.

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Dream with my mother:
- I brushed this dream off for a few days before taking it seriously. I dreamt that my grandma was visiting us at our house, and that my mother was telling her about Patrick. She told Grandma that Patrick told her that he was going to have a profound influence on my life.

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It's in his Kiss dream and coincidence:

- Back in high school I was crazy in love with New Kid on the Block Member Jordan Knight. Lol! I had this dream where I was studying with him in my room, but grew really tired so I turned off the light. Jordan (who I now think was really Patrick) knelt on the floor at the side of the bed and kissed me. It was just 2 sweet little kisses. The kiss actually woke me up, and when I opened my eyes EVERYTHING in my room looked EXACTLY like it did in my dream. I was even lying in the EXACT same position that I was in my dream; on my right side, and at the right hand side of my bed. Also… and this is very strange… in the dream I knew that “Jordan” and mine’s relationship was FORBIDDEN by outside forces. We were only friends, but not b/c that was what WE wanted. It was what EVERYONE ELSE wanted. There was also a huge age gap b/w us in this dream. But I was so surprised when this echoed my friend’s second reading on Patrick to a T! And I find it a little funny that Patrick… a WARRIOR… came as Jordan KNIGHT in that dream. Lol! I guess some truths are in the details. It didn't feel like a regular dream.

- A few weeks ago I was wondering if the dream above was Patrick incognito, or not. Well - at work that Friday, the teacher across the hall kept BLASTING the oldies song “It’s in his Kiss” during class changes. She played it over and over and over and over again. I was so sick of it by mid-morning.

When I got home I was doing an internet search for Animaniacs and Tiny Toons cartoon clips (which is strange for me since I never watch tv) when I came across that same song! The characters from Tiny Toons - which just happen to be RABBITS - were singing it! (If you've read my sites before, you'll know why this is important).

UPDATE:
OMG! I just saw that someone replied on the video, and they mentioned the "Phantom of the Opera" reference. I watched the video and yep... at the end the rabbit has on a phantom mask! (POTO is also relevant here, if you know anything about Patrick).

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Radio & Television - That same night of the “It’s in His Kiss” coincidences, I dreamt something silly. I was talking to Mom about how I never get good reception on AM radio stations anymore. In this dream Mom told me that she thought it was b/c I wasn’t ignoring Patrick so much anymore and it was his energy that was messing with the radio stations. Lol! Anyway, the next morning I turned on the tv in the guestroom. It was on the travel channel and another ghost show was on. They were talking about King Henry/Jane Seymour and how he was much older than her. It then said that King Henry called her “his rose without a thorn.”

Well…. What did Mom/Patrick write in that automatic writing but --- “You were the flower. I was the thorn.”
So that’s several coincidences for the same weekend – The song and the flower/thorn mention. Also the age gap.

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Stars & Swans Dream:

A long time ago I had this dream that my mother, father and myself were at some huge, fancy palace with marble floors. We were at a ball, and I did NOT want to be there. I wanted to get away from all the noise and people, so I stepped outside for a moment to be by myself. (In real life I am a very introspective and private person anyway, and feel very out of place in this time). When I was outside I was alone in a courtyard. It was very landscaped and PERFECT. It was nighttime and the sky was a very serene, beautiful blue and lots of stars were out. There was a white, domed glass building glowing in the distance. But in front of me, on both sides, were two huge square/concrete ‘pools’ if-you-will; not for swimming, and I think they had little fountains inside them. These two pools/fountains were filled with swans. This dream always stuck with me b/c the colors and everything in the courtyard/the sky were so soothing and serene. And I knew it couldn’t have been a dream about a past life because my parents were in it. But I now think that that was a dream Patrick formulated himself – b/c of the white swans and b/c it was such a peaceful dream. I think that was his gift to me. And again, the night sky and everything was so serene and perfect. Lots of stars.

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Computer Phenomena:

(Just FYI: On the exact same night my friend and I both had strange things - Patrick related - happen over the computer, and then I had this dream)

I kept dreaming that I was reading messages on the computer to me. It was like reading one of my guestbooks to my websites, and one or more of the posts were talking about Patrick. One of them even said "Love ya, Patrick." But at the same time I knew that that wasn’t Patrick himself that typed it, but someone else. (I think it was a way to let me know that my friend was sending his messages to me FOR HIM over the computer; hence my dream that night and what happened to her that same night with msn). I dreamt about reading these messages nearly all night long. Every single time I woke up, I was thinking of that computer screen that I was STILL dreaming about. Lol! So when my friend told me about her own experiences over the computer the next morning, I was amazed.

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Lady Ghost Dream:

(This I’ll just copy and paste – for the most part - as I sent it to my friend. I was definitely brainstorming on this one, so bear with me)

- I had a really strange dream once where I saw a woman dressed in a long blue dress, wringing her hands when walking around a pool as she was looking for her lost children.

(Note: I had forgotten when I dreamt that that my aunt and a psychic had told me that Patrick kept saying something about losing children).

This lady crying for her children was a ghost. She came up to me and touched my arm (it felt like a cross b/w a tiny zap of electricity and that feeling you get when your foot falls asleep), then she got in my face and told me – “You’re an empath, aren’t you?!” She sounded really excited about her discovery, though I wasn’t in agreement with her at all. (So I guess that might mean that in my waking life I really am blocking any empathic abilities? My family and friends tell me this all the time. That my overanalyzing is blocking any abilities I might have).
Actually, come to think of it – Dr. MacNeill (now I’m thinking Patrick?) was in that dream as well. After my encounter with the ghost, I was freaking out over the possibility of other spirits talking to me without warning. While balling my eyes out in hysteria, I told Neil that at the end of the day I really needed to talk to him about this. The entire day passed and each time I saw him, he completely ignored me!

So… I never thought about that until now. That Neil in that dream didn’t speak. Patrick never speaks in my dreams, so I guess he was Neil in that dream, too? So either my dream-self translated his not speaking to me as him rudely ignoring me, or he was really trying to tell me something by ignoring me. But WHAT? That perhaps I should stop disregarding that I could be an empath, thus making it easier for us to communicate? Beats me.

But I do wonder if that means anything. In one dream Patrick ran away from me on his horse, and in the one mentioned above he ignored me – or just didn’t speak b/c he was a spirit. But I really do think that he was ignoring me in that one dream purposely. Every single time I ran into him, he would walk right past me without acknowledging my presence. I remember feeling hurt because it wasn’t his normal character.

Maybe it wasn't him?
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Uncomfortable Dream

(Email excerpt)
Okay… now the dream. It was STRANGE STRANGE, STRANGE. I almost wrote you about it but felt silly about it. But when I read your email today about your class last night (trance), I thought I’d bring it up.

The night after your first reading, I slept restlessly b/c I kept waking up. EVERY SINGLE TIME I woke up I may have been “talking” in my sleep. I’m actually embarrassed to think that my brother could have heard me b/c when he stays at our house he sometimes has to get up during the night to take his dog out.

Anyway, EVERY SINGLE TIME I woke up it was like I was trying to say a name in my sleep, but couldn’t get past the first syllable. It was always a “W” sound or a “B” sound. I don’t know if I LITERALLY made those utterances, but it was happening every single time I woke up. The only way I can describe it is how a deaf person sounds when they’re trying to speak. This is the thing though… in your reading you said you thought Patrick’s other name was “William,” which echoed what I told my aunt in her reading years ago. So that’s why the name “William” could have been on my tongue. Also, the “B” could have been “Brian” because my sister told me she thought his name was “Brian Patrick.”

But each time I woke up from this dream it felt like I wasn’t IN CONTROL, you know? I am not into trances and spirits taking over a person’s body AT ALL. I’m not even sure I ever really believed that was possible. But this “W” and “B” thing was bothering me ALL NIGHT. The last thing I remembered was a dream where I was in the bathroom next to my room. The lights were still off (except for the nightlight), and it was still nighttime. But in this dream I was levitating in front of the mirror, and there was the spirit of some woman in there with me. She was wearing a blue Victorian dress. In the dream someone walked inside the bathroom (my brother I think), and I remember thinking I wish he would say something so that this lady and her control over me in my dream would vanish. It was such an UNCOMFORTABLE, UNUSUAL dream. I’ve never had a dream like that before, and the constant “B” and “W” sounds I was making in my sleep are pretty disturbing as well.

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Tarot Dream

I dreamt that Mom woke me up and stood at the side of the bed. She had tarot cards in her hands, only they were oversized tarot cards. Very large, like the size of a big picture frame. I think she told me the cards had to do with my past life. I can’t remember 2 of the cards, but I do remember one of them. It was a picture of a red-headed woman (high society I think, or very near it) atop a white horse. The horse blanket on the mare was 2 layered; a rusty red and green. The lady sitting on top of the horse was reaching down to the men on the grass below. There were about 4 or 5 of them. One of them had straight black hair and was older than myself; like he was an uncle or something. I remember Mom telling me that that particular card was a Happy card. But I didn’t quite believe her b/c I thought there was a little bit of blood on the card. As if I had just escaped the midst of some battle or something. (Which made me remember that tent dream).

(Note: I’ve been told that this dream might be saying that Patrick IS me; as in he’s my twin flame. I have to say that this makes sense as I think I had RED hair in that PL and Patrick had a WHITE HORSE. In this dream I – the red-headed woman – was on Patrick’s white horse).

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Funny Computer/Tarot Dream

I dreamt that a member at a forum I frequent sent me an email or a PM with a message from Patrick. I dreamt that Patrick was sending a message to me through her via the computer. (I’ve had this happen before with my medium friend). Anyway, I vaguely remember it all. Two pictures stood out for me more than anything.

Smilies
In this dream he told her (via the computer) that he wasn’t ever going to reincarnate b/c his last life exhausted him. I mean REALLY exhausted him. To convey that message he was using smiley faces. I remember 3 animated smilies where at least one of them was one of those smilies dressed like a knight with a sword. I remember this armored smiley crying theatrically and then basically falling to the ground from exhaustion. Lol!

Castle tarot cardI also remember seeing on her email to me a small tarot card with a castle on it. The card itself was small and kind of narrow. It was also all black and edged in white. The castle on the card had lots of turrets
and it was all white. He said something about me and then about his castle. He was comparing the two. I remember the words “beauty” and “adoring.”

Ghost smiley
The last thing I remember was a ghost smiley and him saying he was watching over me.

I wish I could remember more of the details. It’s just like that dream I had the other night with the oversized tarot cards. There were 3 (or more) cards in that dream, yet I can only recall the one.

Also, before I had that dream I had a man’s name inside my head and then saw a picture of the actor that was in that dragon movie and who played the prince in “A Knight’s Tale.” (Just found out the actor is James Purefoy and the movie is called "Dragon Sword" or "George and the Dragon").

Also, a few months back I woke up with the name “Trelefeuse” in my head.

UPDATE:In Mom's genealogy research she discovered there was a TRALEE FEUD in Ireland. Maybe that's what that's about? It certainly sounds similar.

Also... I have had quite a few dreams where a man with short black hair was present. I don't know anything beyond that.

Patrick Dreams - pt 3

2011-09-02T18:11:00.012-05:00

October 2007

I honestly think these were just regular dreams, but I’ll write them down anyway since it was a Neil/Christy dream. (Patrick often shows up in my dreams as Neil).

Dream #1
I was dreaming about the Christy series, only this was a new one with the same actors. It was a “darker” Christy tv series; and one I’ve dreamt about a few times before. The scenery in this series/these dreams is always very wooded. In this dream - just like always – Dr. MacNeill was his usual bear self, only he really cared for Christy and was protecting her without her knowing it.

In this dream he was inside some dark, candlelit cabin with Christy and some old couple. He told Christy to go someplace to get something for him; something to help with his doctoring. After she left, Neil immediately laid down in the bed and allowed the old lady to spoon feed him a bowl of broth. It was then that I understood he had completely hidden from Christy the fact that he was dying.

Dream #2
I was combing my wet hair in the bathroom mirror at our old house when my brother stood behind me. He was a young boy again; around 8 or 9 years old I guess. He told me, “He loves you.” When I asked “Who?” he told me – “You are him.” I immediately understood what that meant. That Patrick really is my twin. In this dream I immediately hugged my little brother, telling him with the biggest smile that I'll love him forever for telling me this.

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The other day I was feeling a little down...

When trying to fall asleep that night, I had a picture of two rabbits inside my head. They were side-by-side nibbling on a cabbage. They were white with light tan (almost gray) spots near their necks. Since it popped into my head like that, maybe that was Patrick’s way of trying to cheer me up. (B/c in my PL with him I loved bunnies).

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Sunrise Dream

Not sure this is anything, but in part of my dream last night I saw purple flowers again. Also, some medium lady in my dream said that Patrick told her that “Dawn is sad.” (Dawn, as in sunrise).

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Aug 27, 2007

Message on Mirror

Had a dream last night that I’ve been brushing off. I’m only writing it down now b/c Mom found it interesting. In this dream I just finished taking a bath when I saw on the fogged up mirror, the words “I Love You.” I opened the door and shouted for Mom to come up and see, all the while hoping the words would stay there so Mom could see. I remember watching the sentence slowly fading away, word-by-word before Mom arrived. When Mom reached the bathroom, the words completely disappeared. I’m now wondering… a day later… if there was a reason for that. Did the words disappear before Mom could see them to send me a message that Patrick is for ME and not Mom or my sister? His words were only for ME to see?
(I STILL can’t help myself when it comes to being open to the idea that he’s for my sister or mother, and that all my dreams and 27 years of experiences are a fluke).

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Ireland and a story

In the first part of this dream I'm running outside in Ireland. The scenery is breathtaking, but I'm trying to catch up with this lady; an author. Later, she and I are inside a mall or someplace. She's autographing a couple of books after looking at some soaps. She shouts a question at me from her seat, asking if I'd realized that my story is a little similar to hers. She hadn't read all of my story yet... she read it without my permission I think... but for some reason I was glad to hear her say that. I told her it was "confidence building."

She and I are about to leave when the saleslady beckons her to look at some soaps again. They were the same soaps she'd looked at earlier, but walked away from. I remember thinking at the time that she was crazy for passing them over. So, she goes back to that counter to check them out. She keeps dropping one of the soaps on the floor inside some water. It's pink, heart-shaped soap. When I finally lift it out of the water myself, I see that on the soap are the words "Remember Me." The author and I look at one another. Her expression told me that she believed it a sign to me from Patrick. I, on the other hand, just held the soap in my palm while telling her that surely it was nothing. No message at all, and that she was reading too much into it.

All I can think of in interpreting this is that soap = cleansing, and water = emotions.

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Twin Flames

The other morning, when I woke up I had a sentence in my head. It was about twin flames. I don’t know what to think of this. I dream about writing in my sleep all the time, and the book I finished just a few days later is about twins, so… I don’t know. All I do know is that it immediately had me thinking of Jamie in the Outlander books, and that this sentence running through my head was eloquent. Being half-asleep I only caught the tail end of it and I didn’t write it down.

I think this might have been nothing, but the eloquence of the sentence is what makes me wonder.

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July 21, 2007

First Leonidas Dream:

Dreamt about King Leonidas last night! (Which was AWESOME, as I never dream about the G-man). It was a little weird. Gerry/Leonidas had just finished kicking some serious butt for hours when he finally meets up with me. He’s about to go down the cliff to the beach below to fight the ultimate bad dude. He and I were taking forever saying our goodbyes to each other. I remember thinking/hoping that the longer his opponent has to wait, maybe he’ll get bored and would leave… Lol!… sparing Leonidas. Well, Leo and I were hugging each other like mad and looking deep into each other’s eyes, knowing it’d likely be the last time we ever see one another. We kept telling each other over and over again that we loved each other. I mean, in this dream we were hopeless. Hopelessly in love that is. I remember looking very deeply into his eyes at one point, and him just staring right back at me. It was like his eyes were communicating a silent message to me. Like he was communicating telepathically, as the words didn’t have to be said to be felt.

Second Leonidas Dream:

I was speaking to my niece, and in the distance was an old television set. Green countryside was surrounding us. Leo was on the tv, and it was like a live feed coming in. He was going on about “Chrissy” and a rabbit. Lol! When I replied to him, “Who’s Chrissy?” and that I’d never known a Chrissy… he just about rolled his eyes in amazement that I didn’t remember. He told me (telepathically I think) that “Chrissy” was a pet rabbit of mine. A light brown rabbit. He was really annoyed and frustrated with me for not remembering. After he showed his surprise that I didn’t know what he was talking about, I turned toward my niece to explain. I explained to her that he can’t understand why I don’t remember anything about that past life, and that he’s expressed this surprise/frustration before.

By the way, I find it a little odd that in that dream I had a few months ago there was a brown rabbit that came up to me on the street.

Also, I just remembered how I bought these cute little rabbit trinkets at Hobby Lobby years ago. (This was years before the rabbit stuff started coming up with him). Well, I think I named one of them “Chrissy.” I’m not 100% positive of that b/c this was years ago, but I do think I named one of them “Chrissy.” I bought 3 of them, and I do remember naming the rabbit that’s leaping in the grass something like “Jaq?” And the one sitting down, holding its foot, “Chrissy.”

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July 7, 2007

Don't Forget

I won’t go into detail as it didn’t all make sense, but in this dream my sister was telling me that Patrick greeted her on The Other Side. She also smiled, and then told me that Patrick told her that he and myself “never want to forget each other.” (I later realized this echoes that dream and those possible signs from a few weeks ago).

He also mentioned 3 female’s names, but I can’t recall what they were. All I remember is seeing a young woman (no older than 30 maybe?) with dark hair and wearing a long white nightgown/shift of some sort.

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My sister/Ireland
I was speaking to my sister at the kitchen table, and she was telling me about Patrick. (In every dream I’ve had about my sister, she’s telling me little things about Patrick; details). Anyway, it’s all a blur but the jest of the dream was that my sister was going on about the Irish, and all during her discourse with me she kept slipping into a foreign accent. It was English or Irish, but as she was speaking to me she had no idea that that was what she was doing. She was just jabbering like crazy, oblivious to the accent taking over her speech. The only other thing I vaguely recall from this dream is a man in a long green robe? I think he had red hair and a long red beard? (Not really sure at all about the red hair/beard).

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May 22, 2007

Don't Forget Me

Last night I was looking at Scotland pictures on someone’s MySpace Page again. (We had been emailing each other about a pic I made of GB/Scotland). One of the pics I looked at was an old one I had found a while back and saved to the computer. It’s the picture above of the cabin inside a field of lavender:

In my dream this morning I saw that exact picture, and heard a man’s voice. It said something like – “Don’t forget me in my time or in your modern time.” Or... he might have said "Don't forget me in my world or in your modern world." (I’m 98% certain though that he said time).

Also, last night I was perusing one of my new books I just bought. In it someone keeps mentioning lavender. I think there’s going to be a few similarities between that book and Patrick.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Forgot to mention this dream:
The main jest of it was seeing Patrick's eyes. They were a beautiful crystal blue color.

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4-7-07

Another Dream I Forgot

It’s no biggie – hence why I forgot – but if Patrick is involved I write it down. My sister was asking about the book that I just started writing. She asked if Iain in my story was Patrick. I told her the story is inspired by and loosely based on Patrick, but that Iain isn’t really him. I then told her I have to keep the option open that Patrick could be for her or Mom and not me. After I told my sister this, she just rolled her eyes at me like I was an idiot.

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I have no idea when I had this dream:

This one I completely brushed off at first. I didn’t even write it down, and I always write down every Patrick-related dream.

I don't dream of Patrick all that often, but in this dream he actually came as himself; which I had asked him to do a while back. In the dream I just walked up to him. He was wearing a fancy velvet jerkin like before, only it was royal blue this time. His back was to me and I just came up behind him and pressed my cheek to his back; sort of like a little hug. I was smiling and felt so serene and happy. But that was the whole dream.

So that dream echoes what Nat told me in that reading over a year ago. I’m guessing that dream was one of three things. I think options 2 and 3 are most likely:

1.) It’s just a reflection of my own day-to-day feelings. That having trouble communicating with Patrick makes it feel like he’s turned his back on me.

2.) He’s waiting for ME to go directly to him. He wants ME to FACE HIM when I’m ready.

3.) It’s a Past Life memory of when he got married and cut ties with me for the first time.

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February 2, 2007

A bunny rabbit, music box & a stranger

While in Austin I had a strange/confusing dream. Mom and I were in the city. We decided to eat our lunch on the sidewalk. I was talking to Mom when a sweet little brown bunny comes up to me. It wasn’t at all skittish of me. I was petting it, and while speaking to Mom I realized she was holding my Phantom music box that I got for Christmas. (Note: I’m speaking of my present from Patrick, which as Mom passed that storefront she heard a male voice say – “Stop! Phantom!”) So Mom is holding the music box when I’m aware of a man sitting a few feet away from us. He was wearing brown slacks and a brown plaid shirt. I think he had a backpack next to him, and his hair was straight sandy brown and sort of long; above his shoulders. He was watching and listening to us talk, but not really intruding on our privacy. Ignoring the man, I start to tell Mom that I received an evp the other day that sounded like “Broch Tuaroch.” (Note: I really did get an evp a couple days before which sounded like that. Not sure that’s what it was, but it did sound like it). But then I noticed that there was a sticker on the back of the music box which read, “Broch Tuaroch.” I was so incredibly freaked out. I could not for the life of me even get the words out of my mouth to tell Mom about the evp and what I had just read on that sticker. My throat was tight with emotion and I started balling. I mean I was just emotionally overwhelmed at this point. So overwhelmed that I didn’t really even care that the man sitting a few feet from us could hear and see my crying out of nowhere. After I told Mom about why I was crying, the dream switched gears and turned really stupid – as most dreams are. I started dreaming about Joel and Maggie - (yep, there's "Margaret" again) - from the old tv series, Northern Exposure.
But I’m thinking the man in the dream was Patrick. (I say this b/c the man in the dream reminded me of Dr. MacNeill. He didn’t look exactly like him this time, but he did dress like him and his hair was the same color. His hair was straight and the same length as Patrick’s, too, but not blonde). And this is probably too much thinking on my part, but maybe the man in the dream (Patrick) wore a PLAID shirt on purpose.

Like the plaid of a tartan. I’m also wondering if this man was Patrick because of the rabbit. (Note: Nat did that reading a while back where Patrick mentioned all those rabbits from our PL, and just a day or two before this dream I came across some Scotland pictures which I saved. My 2 favorites were of a field of purple heather, and a brown rabbit.

Also, about a month ago I had a strange dream where I was standing inside a deep pit with a white sheet covering it. In other words, I was inside this sort of makeshift tent, and I was eye-level with the ground. In this dream I was seeing lots of things related to Easter, including a brown bunny).

The realist in me says I dreamt about the brown rabbit b/c of the picture I saved, but another part of me says that if the man in my dream was Patrick… then it’s only natural to assume that the bunny was a message from him as well. The next day I looked up “Broch Tuaroch” on the computer. I couldn’t find a translation for it though. I knew it was in the Outlander books, but that’s it. I found out it was a fancy name for Lallybroch, Jamie’s home in Scotland. (I’d forgotten that Lallybroch’s other name was “Broch Turaoch.” Before doing research on the name I just assumed it was a name of one of the castles in the Outlander books).

But if this dream was a visitation, I’m completely clueless as to its meaning.

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I'm really not so sure this was Patrick coming to me in a dream. I really don't know. I don't want to babble, so the jest of the dream is being in a skating rink, and on my way out some people are trying to tell me something.
I turn around to see for myself... a penny is floating on it's own right behind me and towards my back. In the dream it immediately made me think of the scene with a penny in the movie "Ghost," and I knew it had to be Patrick paying me a visit. I paid special attention to the numbers on the penny, hoping I'd see the #'s 1 and 2 (soulmate numbers) as confirmation, but instead I saw 1's and 3's.
So yeah... it might just be a nothing dream. As always, I'm left guessing.

Update:
It just now dawned on me that in the movie Ghost, PATRICK Swayze plays the ghost.

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Not much of a dream...3-7-09

The only dream I've really had lately is seeing a closeup of a brownish vine with a single rose blooming on it. It was a pretty pink rose.

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Television/Message11-9-08

I really don't know that this means anything. I can barely recall this dream.

All I do remember, is that on a television I saw a scrolling text with a message from Patrick. It read: "Kristin you said you would come back to me...."

(Yes, there's that familiar phrase appearing yet again; "Come Back To Me").

There was lots more on the screen, but I just cannot recall it.

Bummer, huh? If that was a message trying to come through from him, why won't he come as himself like I ask? I guess men never listen, even after they're dead, huh?

Okay, to be fair I think he did listen. I did ask that he come into my dreams last night, and to give me a positive message. I guess this was it. Maybe coming in person in dreamstate is just difficult for him.

I only wish I could recall the rest of the message. In the famous words of one Winnie-the-Pooh behind paws full of honey: "Oh, Bother!"

PS - I don't get the feeling that the "Come Back To Me" part of the message was the main idea he was trying to get across. It's just that that was the only sentence I remember from the dream. I wouldn't say he was 'pining away' for me. Lol! I don't even know for sure who the heck he is.

------------------------------------------------------ Becky11-5-08

Night before last, it took a while for me to fall asleep b/c of the voices I'd hear in my room off and on. (Some woman commenting to someone I was trying to sleep, then random words I couldn't hear well). I hear them in my room a lot these days, always at night, and usually it's a woman. They're harmless though, so it really doesn't bother me. Over the past months, I've slowly been talking myself into trying to develop my clairaudience. I've always been afraid that once it's on, I won't be able to turn it off.

So since I'm least afraid of Patrick, last night I told him that if he ever talks to me he's going to have to speak louder so I can hear him. I then told him that as I fall asleep, I'll try to listen for his voice. If I hear him, then great. (I've heard him a few times before anyway). If not, that's okay too. It'll take some practice, especially on my part. I also told him that I sure hope he's helping me find an agent, b/c while I'm trying to think positively..... it's almost impossible to keep that up since I've run out of agencies to query.

Then this morning I had a dream. I'm still not sure it was a dream visit, but I think it's possible since I haven't dreamt about him for eons and because before I went to sleep last night, I told him I'd wish he'd come into my dreams again. (I've asked him this before - a couple weeks ago - and nothing happened).

So this morning I dreamed that I was walking down the gallery upstairs, headed towards the bathroom. Once in the hall, I noticed that the computer was on in the guestroom. I could hear Patrick's voice constantly saying - "Becky... Becky... Becky... Becky." In the dream I didn't enter the bedroom b/c it was the middle of the night, was dark, I was the only one upstairs, and I just didn't have the guts to go in there alone I guess. I'm not exactly sure of the reason, however, b/c I immediately woke up from my dream then. And why? Because I had to go to the bathroom. Lol!

So you can see why I'm skeptical, right?

Or maybe that was the point. He knew I was about to get up, and was telling me he was in the guestroom just then? Did he think it'd freak me out more knowing that he'd hang out in my bedroom? Lol!

Or maybe the computer being on - and him being in that room - was the whole point? I just now thought of this, but that is the room and the computer where I write. Maybe that dream was just his way of saying he is trying to help me land an agent. Hmm....

I don't know. At least it's something to ponder. My instincts tell me that this might have been a dream where Patrick really is trying to tell me something. I guess I'll know soon enough.

Que Sera, Sera.
Whatever will be, will be.

Another reason why I think that really was a dream formulated by him, is because when I do hear his voice (which is rare, but has happened when awake), he's either just saying "Kristin" a couple times, or "Becky." I never hear any other message, but one of those names (usually Becky) being repeated. I wonder why that is?

Update: Another possibility for that dream could be his way of telling me to start writing again. But..... I really don't feel that's it. It's another guess at least.

------------------------------------------------------ Wake Up!9-27-08

We lost electricity from the hurricane for 15 days. (NOT fun, by the way). One of those evenings I did have a possible Patrick dream. In it I saw my nephew, Luke, only he was a little younger than he is now. I haven't seen the kids for a while now, and in my dream I was about to leave when I told him I loved him. My nephew said to me that people are always telling him that, and that he wishes people would come up with a new way to express those words. Lol! When I asked what other words he was looking for, he said "Wake Up." (Just like Patrick said in that loud evp that I have of him).

Weird dream, I know, but I've learned to pay attention even to the silly ones. Maybe it's his way of explaining to me what he meant by that evp. To "Wake Up" and remember that we love each other perhaps? (Even that feels uncomfortable to me, as I don't "know" him in my waking life. I'm VERY skeptical. Can't help it).

I also keep thinking I had a dream about him a few days back, only I can't recall any of it.

------------------------------------------------------ What’s Up, Doc?Aug 16, 2008

When going to bed last night I had an image of a funky looking rabbit in my head. Since Patrick has mentioned my love of rabbits from that past life to 2 or 3 people, and since I've dreamt about one over the past year, I figure there's a possibility this is related to that past life. If so, I had one shaggy, crazy looking rabbit. Lol! It was a medium brown color with a creamy (not quite white, but almost) underside. It's ears hung down low and at an angle, and were really shaggy. This rabbit was very "scraggly" looking. I don't know much about rabbits, even though I did have one as a pet for a long time. It ran loose in our backyard like a dog, and lived quite happily beneath our deck. Thumper didn't have much to do with us though.

Anyway, this morning the word "Angora" kept popping into my head. I figured there must be a breed of rabbit with that name, but wasn't sure. I finally just googled "Scotland... Rabbit" and lo and behold I see pics of that scraggly little beast whose breed really is called "Angora."

I think this is grasping at straws, but on Wikipedia it mentioned this breed originating in Turkey. That stuck out to me b/c YEARS AGO my mother mentioned something about how she felt like Patrick might have been to Turkey sometime in that past life. Maybe stumbling into that was a message? If so, perhaps Patrick brought me back one from there since I had so many other rabbits and were so fond of them... and especially since that breed didn't really exist anywhere else at that time.

Some of them are pretty funky looking. I wonder if I even recognized what the heck it was? Lol! The one I saw in my mind's eyes was much scragglier than the ones in these pics.

------------------------------------------------------ BookJuly 14, 2008

I wish I could recall the entire dream, but all I remember is seeing a book set against pitch black. On the cover was a picture of Patrick's face that kept zooming in and out, sort of like a hologram. The book was surrounded by little sparks of fluorescent green light whenever the pages were turned.

------------------------------------------------------ Basketball Game?April 2008

This I'm not sure about. This dream really ticked me off actually. I was inside some gym where a basketball game was going on. Patrick was there, but he was ignoring me. I never received the impression that Patrick in this dream was the trickster spirit I've mentioned before, so either it was really him or it was just a dream I conjured myself. Anyway... in this dream Patrick's mind was fixated on nothing but that damned basketball game. I remember wanting a simple little hug from him, yet he outright ignored me. His eye was trained on that game and the players. It's like he was on a mission.

A few days later I thought that IF that was really him, maybe it was his way of letting me know that he's trying to help me find a literary agent. His eye was trained on that goal.

------------------------------------------------------
Thanks, Wendy KittyApril 6, 2010

Not sure this is anything, but this morning I started having this dream. All I remember is sitting in a car with a man. It was dark, and I could only see our silhouettes. We were hugging each other. I felt like the guy was Patrick, but I'll never know now because...

My Cat Woke Me Up!

------------------------------------------------------

Spirit Voices in my Room3-10-10

I almost didn't write this one down b/c I think part of this dream is a little silly.
Last night I dreamed I was living at our old house. It was nighttime, and in my room I kept hearing spirits talking. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I was afraid. I kept my light on and almost didn't even sleep in my room. I was so scared I actually wanted to wake my parents, but I didn't.

I hear my mother's cell phone ring. I knew it was my brother b/c the ringtone was the one Mom uses for him; the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' theme song.

I was so glad someone else in the house was awake, and next thing I know Mom - still on the phone speaking to my brother - stops outside my bedroom. She's standing by the door, and without me even telling her anything she nods and tells me that she already knows. She tells me she saw a spirit, and that he was...

Okay, be prepared to laugh at what's coming.

She told me she saw him giving me a massage and hugging me. Lol!

Yes, I know. The massage sounds silly but in my dream.... after she told me that I was petrified out of my mind. I was so frightened that my voice even sounded terrified. I told her I didn't care who they were, but that I wanted them out. I wanted them to leave me alone and never come back.
And yes, in the dream I knew this spirit was Patrick. I couldn't see him, but I knew without a doubt that's who Mom was talking about.

So here I've now had TWO dreams where I'm terrified of him; that is, this latest dream and - a long time ago - that 'tent dream' with the battle going on and he finds me hiding from him inside the tent.

In my dreams with him, either I'm madly in love with the guy or petrified out of my mind.

And I know I shouldn't be frightened, as he is a loving spirit. Seeing him when I was just a kid is proof enough. Smoothing the bedcovers at a child's feet while they supposedly slept isn't exactly a malicious gesture. And in my waking life, I'm not afraid of him.

I'm just really confused about this love him/terrified of him ordeal in my dreams.

------------------------------------------------------

A Wedding2-2-10

I've been tossing this dream to the wayside, as I'm apt to do a lot. It was a dream I had a few weeks ago. I never mentioned it before because -
1). It was a dream related to something I heard the night before.

2). The obvious skepticism.

I'm not feeling well tonight, so I'll stick to the main points here:

- The night before, when trying to fall asleep I heard - and I heard this a couple times - a male voice say "gonna get married."

I ignored it, thinking either it must have just rhymed with that or my ears were trying to make sense of the sounds around me. (What "Ghost Hunters" call matrixing).

- But then arrives the dream that I had that night.

In short, I was in my upstairs bathroom. I was going to be married that day. I remember speaking to my Mom, then having her leave so I could take a bath and get ready for the wedding. In the dream I really didn't want to marry this guy... whoever the heck he was, as I received absolutely no impression of him... but kept thinking to myself that I wanted to see Patrick at least one more time. I wanted to marry HIM.

Immediately after that thought, he was in the room with me. He and I held each other, and I was terrified that he would leave at any second. I grabbed him and held on to him as if he were my lifeline. I mean, in that moment it was like he was all that mattered. I cannot stress enough how petrified I was that he would leave, but.... he didn't.

So that's why I'm finally writing this dream down; all because of THE FEELINGS. Feelings which are nothing like me in my daily life at all. What I mean is the whole "I can't live without this man" scenario.

That is soooo not like me, but in this dream - and others with him - those STRONG feelings are always there and are bombarding me full force. (Also, he never spoke in the dream. I didn't even see his face).

But then I remember hearing that voice saying "gonna get married" before I fell asleep that night. WHY did I hear that? And if I did, is that why I dreamed I was getting married? Or was it inevitable that I would dream that? Was that really Patrick visiting me, and was it his way of trying to shed light on the mystery?

Now can ya see why it's all so confusing?

------------------------------------------------------

Woken Up1-30-10

I've been ignoring this for days now, but the other morning I was woken with the feeling that someone was tickling the bottom of my foot beneath the covers.
Then a couple days later I remembered what I was dreaming about when that happened. Only, I'm not sure it was really a dream per se. It was more like seeing an image. In my mind's eye I saw a brown rabbit standing on it's hind legs inside tall grasses. It was tall, brown grass.

------------------------------------------------------

Feb 26, 2011

Dream #2:Who you calling old?!
Two nights ago I had the silliest dream. (Well, not 'Silly-ha-ha' but kinda stupid).

All that I can remember is some stranger receiving an evp on her tape recorder. In the background of this tape, I heard Patrick's voice clear as day. It was so recognizable that I didn't even have to use headphones to listen to it.

What was odd was that accompanying his voice was some soft, medieval-type music. What he said was really silly, and in my dream I was CREEPED OUT when I heard his voice! We're talking getting the chills and feeling frightened out of my mind, but after I thought hard about what he was actually saying... I calmed down because I realized it was just a stupid evp.

What he said, along with the music that was playing, was ---

"I can hardly stand it.
These lonely old hens.
I am not happy."
Okay, you can laugh now.

And I kind of hope this was just a stupid dream I concocted myself because come on... lonely OLD hens? OLD?! OLD?! Thanks a lot.

But I can forgive being called a "hen," and that one word (and the music) is really the only reason I'm typing this dream up at all; seeing how that was a common term back then for a ~~young~~lady.

As found in the dictionary online:
"dialect (Scot) a term of address (often affectionate), used to women & girls." If this wasn't just some random dream, I can only assume he's speaking about Mom and I. It is just the two of us living here now, and we really are all alone these days. (Dad is working out of state and this week we've been incredibly busy getting the house ready to put on the market. The real estate agent came by only yesterday, and our plan is to move up to Austin where the kids and the rest of our family are).

I guess Patrick just doesn't like watching we two girls - I mean "hens" - living alone with no family around?

Or maybe this was just a random dream. I honestly don't know.

------------------------------------------------------

A Little Blond BoyJan 11, 2011

Decluttering the house this week, I found my old High School stuff and mixed in were a couple dreams which I wrote down.

I didn't know it at the time, but now I think those dreams are Patrick-related. (It's a good thing I wrote them down because I had completely forgotten about them... which is strange because after I read them I remembered them VIVIDLY).

First Dream: This one was dated August 9, 1994. I wrote a short description of it, then a few years later wrote a longer description because I just couldn't get it out of my head. Below, I'll type up the more detailed description.

Note: Keep in mind that oftentimes Patrick would come to me in a dream incognito. Back in those days, the only celebrity I liked was NKOTB member Jordan Knight - and yes, I find the "knight" reference pretty coincidental and kinda humorous - so I can see why he might come as him. (I think I might have one other "Jordan/Patrick" dream written down on this site as well).

But here's the dream I found earlier this week -
A few years ago I had one of the most beautiful dreams, and of Jordan Knight actually. I think his clothing was all black, and he was standing near the formal living room window. We were outside in the backyard. I was away from him, probably by about 6 feet. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the wind was blowing the trees around. There were flowers everywhere, and I could see a lady bending over to pick some beneath the window. She wore a flowing white dress and large hat, similar to that needlepoint picture we had on the wall in the living room above the couch.

A little boy with blond hair (about 1 1/2 to 2 years old) was running through the yard with a bubble wand. He's in front of me, where the patio would be, and he was having so much fun!

I watched him playing with those bubbles, and then I saw Jordan just gazing at me with this little smile. I looked back at him and smiled some, too. We just stared at each other, but said nothing. We didn't have to. We were so happy and so much in love that words literally couldn't express our feelings for each other.

I had this dream before Luke (my nephew) was born... he was born 3-2-95; one year after this dream... and now that I look back on it I'm beginning to wonder if this little boy was LUKE! The boy in this dream looked EXACTLY like Luke did at that age; even down to the hair. (Luke's hair was very blond as a toddler).

EVERYTHING in this dream was so beautiful. The grass and trees were a beautiful green, and it was so quiet. All you could hear was the wind blowing through the trees. The look, and most especially the FEEL of this dream was so wonderful. It was exactly what Heaven must feel like.

And "Jordan" and I were soulmates, for a fact, in this dream. I don't believe I will EVER feel that way about a man in my life, EVER. It was just so beautiful. It was a short dream, which felt like... well, destiny and that we were fated to be together. It was also as if he and I felt that we were married.

Second Dream:(This one was dated November 23, 1994)
Jordan is in our living room, and I'm not really sure if he could see me. I was following him, and then I sat down.

So did he.

Later, Jordan stood up and he was carrying a little boy with light brown hair. It was the same boy as in another dream I've had before.

Third Dream:(This dream doesn't belong to me... which makes it really STRANGE)
I came across a note from one of my friends in high school - written back in 1991 or 1992 - and in it she mentioned having a dream that she and I were pregnant at the same time. She said Jordan was in the dream, and he and I already had a child.... a little BOY that was BLOND! (And um, Jordan had very dark hair and Patrick... well, can ye say BLOND? Lol!)

I find that so incredibly weird and strangely coincidental, seeing how years later I had two dreams about the same boy. (And it's not like I remembered her telling me about her dream. My friends and I wrote each other all the time, so it was easy to forget a note from last week, let alone years before).

I don't know what the deal is with this little boy appearing in those dreams, but I do believe it's relevant with Patrick somehow. I have a few theories, but that's all they are.

And this is interesting, but when my nephew was little one of his favorite things to play with was BUBBLES. I even have an aunt that used to give him and his sister bubbles whenever she saw them.

One other thing - Back in those days I wasn't even trying to figure out who Patrick was. I didn't know his name or anything. I only knew him as "that ghost" or "that knight" which I saw when I was a little girl. (He was fixing the bedcovers at my feet). I knew zippo about him, so thinking he was actually Jordan (or whomever) in disguise in a dream never crossed my mind until over a decade later. Eventually, the puzzle pieces just started coming together.

------------------------------------------------------

Recollections / Come Back To MeJan 2011

This Nonsensical dream was brought to you by Doctor Who....

I never bother writing down my dreams which are just stupid dreams, but I might change that this year.

Okay, total nonsense was this dream. I had a baby and I was still rather young; probably a senior in High School. My baby was a little girl, and she would cry when anyone other than myself held her. I was really protective of her.

I remember speaking to the father outside of a high school. He was working on something; handyman-type stuff. I was bossing him around about my cat, Wendy. I kept stressing to him, over and over again, that he had better make sure Wendy gets home safely because I'm petrified of her getting out of the building. I was just so adamant about him listening to me, because for some reason I really didn't trust him. (I think it was just because I was overprotective of Wendy. I only wanted her to be safe). I then leave, only to return seconds later to give him a kiss and apologize for being so bossy.

Now the dream gets weird... for the first time anyway, as it gets stranger every moment now. His reply was something about Scotland. He told me that not everyone is like me and is crazy about men in kilts. Lol!

Next thing I know, I'm in some hallway at school and there's this rack of what looks like greeting cards. Suddenly, the 9th doctor from Doctor Who (Christopher Eccleston) is in it. I'm not sure if he was the same man from earlier, or another guy. All I know is he was a teacher of some kind, and that I had remembered that I hadn't attended classes in a while and had no clue where they were or what time I had to go to each one. (I have that scenario in my dreams a lot. I think a lot of people have that dream).

He told me that he had changed his classes around since I'd been there last.

Again.... the dream gets weird and plain stupid yet again. There was a class of his that was named "Recollections," but he changed it. I saw the new name for this class on one of those greeting cards. It was solid black, and in white lettering were the words "Come Back To Me." (Yes, that phrase again).

And um..... also scattered throughout this dream was an obsession of mine in waking like. Naturally, what I'm speaking of is Starbucks. (I was holding my child, and expecting someone to pick me up from school. I kept thinking that if I really hurried, I just might find the time to stop in the Starbucks for a frappuccino.)

There was more in this dream, but I can't remember any of it just now.

UPDATE:
This is silly, but I just realized that some of those stickers that I wanted at Michael's today goes by the brand name RECOLLECTIONS.

------------------------------------------------------
Naval Officer?8-29-11

This wasn't a dream, but I'm trying to remain openminded about this, hence typing it up here.

All of yesterday I had a monster migraine. I went to bed for a little while, hoping to get rid of it. Twice, I heard music in my room. This wasn't inside my head or anything like that either. I heard it physically with my ears. The first time it was soft piano music, and 30 minutes to an hour later it was epic, orchestral music.

I like to look for the logical explanation first, so I'll concede that perhaps my floor fan was just picking up on radio waves from the tv downstairs. (Mom's bedroom door was shut - has to be to keep the cats separated these days - and hers was the only television on, but I have heard my floor fan pick up signals before).

Okay, then fastforward to last night. My headache left for about an hour and a half, but come bedtime it returned with gusto. Amidst trying to just sleep off this migraine, yet being wide awake and not even tired, I had the image of a man suddenly flash before my eyes.

I know that a lot of people see flashes of people - usually gruesome looking - sometimes while trying to fall asleep. They're just images that come and go really quickly, morphing one into the other inside all that blackness as your eyes are closed. I get this off and on, and I've gotten really good at ignoring it.

But last night it was like that, except that the image stayed longer and it wasn't scary looking. It wasn't anything very vivid, but it was so perfectly defined and detailed that it really caught my attention.

I saw a man - definitely not of our time period - with gray hair. (It kind of reminded me of my grandfather's hair, had he ever grown it out). It was fashioned in some strange way. It was really wavy, but it was controlled into bigger waves and tucked in perfectly neat sections flushed against his face. He had a very deep cleft in his chin, and his skin sort of puffed out on either side. (This dimple/cleft was very deep). His cheeks were a little like that, too, but he had an angular face. He had to have been in his 50's I suppose. He had a black eye patch on his right eye and was VERY GROOMED and austere looking. We're talking not a wrinkle or piece of lint on his clothes. I received the feeling that appearance was very crucial with this man. I only saw him from the shoulders up, so what I did see was that he wore a military jacket of some kind. My first instinct however was naval officer. It was black, or maybe even a DARK blue that just looked black. This jacket also had a very narrow white stripe along the shoulders. I think there was more material set on top the shoulders, and surrounding that was the line of white on either side. I'm not positive, but there might have been gold buttons on the top of each shoulder. I am really not sure about that though, as now I just cannot remember for certain.

This will sound crazy, but the very first second I saw that face I thought he was Patrick's father. (Which would be impossible if there were buttons on that uniform, as buttons weren't even around then. Of course, maybe Patrick is from a much later time period than the 1500's... but I really don't believe that's the case). I couldn't help but see a resemblance there. It didn't look like Patrick really, but there was a 'something' there - shape of the face I guess - that seemed like him.

So while this guy was not frightening to look at physically, I received the impression that this man was not kind. He was extremely cold and heartless. He wasted no energy on emotions. The entire time I saw him he was just stone faced, looking straight ahead. I would doubt that this man had smiled even once in his lifetime. His appearance was perfect, clean and groomed, yet his energy was not welcoming in the least.

Or maybe it was nothing.

~ Readings, part 1 ~

2011-08-30T00:02:00.008-05:00

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My email excerpt -

That's the only horse I've ever seen Patrick on, too. In two dreams he was riding a white horse, and when I explained one of those dreams to my aunt, that's when she pulled the sun card-- which had a white horse on it.

Her reply -

OMG! Ok, you are NOT going to believe this but I took it upon myself to do a reading on Patrick yesterday (I hope you don't mind- I will private message it to you when I get a chance to get my notes together) and the VERY FIRST CARD that came up was THE SUN with a man riding a white horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the information that I got from the reading, it seems that he was in a very high position of power and authority (I get the strong sense he was involved with royalty) - a great leader of some sort who everyone looked up to. Very powerful. He was very passive in nature but he was very passionate meaning that his passive demeanor would quickly change into being very fierce at only a moment's notice if needed. He kept things in order.

Now, I know your aunt said that HE looked after YOU, but what I got from the reading I did is that YOU attended to HIS needs like a servant of some sort. I also get the feeling that you were one of many women "servants" (for lack of a better word- I don't know what they would've called them back then), that attended to him. I feel that he grew to love you. You stood out to him over all the others. It's almost like he became obsessed with you (not in a bad way- he just loved you VERY much). I get the sense that you loved him too, but you, being a servant, well, I get the feeling that the love between the 2 of you had to be kept hidden because of his position, but he was willing to give up his authority/ position that he had to be with you because he loved you so much, he felt he could not be without you. I don't know if this actually happened that he ended up giving up his position or not, but I feel that he might have so that you could be together because it does say in the cards that there was a "giving up of authority" so he may very well have given up his position in order to be with you. I also sensed that you didn't reciprocate his feelings at first even though you loved him too because it scared you because there may have been severe consequences if the love between the 2 of you was to be discovered by anyone. (I don't know anything about the laws about that kind of thing back then but I think that just by using my common knowledge, that a relationship like that between such a public and powerful figure and a servant would not be looked upon nicely.) He might even have been married at the time.

Also, the cards said that you are going to be receiving some very important news which will release uncertainties and end the waiting. Unknown information is finally being revealed to you that makes sense and brimming with truths. (ah, HELLO???? Could that be this reading you are looking at right now??? LOL) Any feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are to be banished from your mind. You are to be reminded of the hard work that is necessary in order to gain understanding. Desire is not enough. Action must be taken.

The last card that was chosen was The Star (which "co-incidentally" depicts a lion on the front much like the lion on the crest that you posted). Follow your heart without fear- don't be afraid. This will be resolved with the best of results- believe in your ability. Your conscious and subconscious minds are working together and merging to bring about a new awareness of the situation that allows you to see this situation in a new light.

Note: A light bulb just went off, and here it is around 2 years later. On that paranormal forum I used to frequent, I remember someone telling me that they think it's like I act like I don't deserve Patrick's love, or that I'm unworthy and afraid. Well, in Nat's reading the cards said - "Any feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are to be banished from your mind."

Second Reading - The Spirit Spread

Card #1- Who the spirit is - A thoughtful, older man (not necessarily an "old" man), quiet and serene in nature. He possesses much authority. He is entranced by the prospect of the divine feminine that has been promised to him (um, could that be you???) and is alone and waiting for her to return.

Card #2- Why he is with you - Courtly but strong willed, upright and honorable, he is bringing you messages and understanding.

Card #3- What he wants you to know - Memories, nostalgia and hopes from the past. He is longing for the sweetness of the past. He is offering you something sacred.

Card #4- What actions you can take - Use your inner knowledge after information has been given.

Card#5- Summary/Outcome - Magic! Your powers and abilities and the strength of love can create a new awareness that brings with it magic and joy. (see??? I told you that you have something wonderful waiting for you!)

Now, I want you to know that I did not "color" this reading at all or add anything to it. It is exactly as I read the cards using my intuition to help guide me in interpreting the cards for the question at hand (which was- who is Patrick and what does he mean to Kristin?)

My reply -

Do you have any idea of which kind of "servant" I was? They had servants for everything back then. If you don't pick up on that, that's fine. I'm just curious.

Her reply -

Ok, as I was reading your message, guess who popped up? Yup- he's here. Patrick. Boy is he ever strong! He is urgently wanting to communicate with you BIG TIME. I just asked him what kind of a servant you were and I heard "chatelaine". I have no idea what that is so I looked it up on Google (the whole time shaking because Patrick is VERY impatient!) Here is what I found:

Chatelaine - Said to be from the French for "Lady of the House."

Chatelaine - the mistress of a chateau or large country house.

You were the head of the household. You were in charge of all the goings on and all the other women "servants" of the house. I'm trying to get him to calm down because he is extremely impatient and strong because I know you may not get this message for a while and I can't have him hanging around me like this all night! Lol! I can barely type this.

I will describe to you what he looks like to me:

Ok, first of all he is a big guy! Very husky looking. Not fat- just husky. He looks, how can I explain this.....fierce. Like if I didn't know any better, I would be scared shitless if I saw him in a dark alley! LOL! The funny thing is, he is NOT fierce at all- he just looks that way. He actually is a very loving and kind spirit with a gentle nature (although at the moment he is too excited and impatient to seem "gentle" lol) but I get the feeling that if he got upset or someone betrayed him- LOOK OUT! He has yellow-blonde hair- straight probably to about his chin or so. It is like YELLOW- like gold. He does have very rough features- now I know what you meant when you said he wasn't "classically handsome". He isn't ugly by any means though. Anyhow, his clothes- holy moly! He looks like he is of royalty and there are alot of designs on them. He is wearing mostly burgundy and royal blue and I think some gold. He has on a cloak that comes down to about mid-shin. His shirt is one of those shirts with the really puffy sleeves at the top near the shoulders and then it gets tighter around his arms and then flares out at the wrists. I hope I am explaining this right. I don't know much about that time period's clothing. Maybe I should look for some pictures on the internet to show you later. Anyhow, the shirt is a royal blue color with gold stripes on the puffy part of the sleeves (the top). He is wearing a burgundy vest- like thingy over top of the shirt with like gold sewn into it. The vest is tight and his royal blue shirt hangs down below the bottom of the vest if you know what I mean. He is wearing tight pants that come down to about his knee and then has on white-ish tights underneath with black shoes that are very pointy at the toe. I've never seen shoes like that before- they actually look kind of funny. lol (sorry Patrick). Anyhow, his clothes are VERY fancy- lots of intricate sewing and designs on them. He definitely looks like royalty for sure. I've never seen clothing like that before- very fancy and colorful - mostly royal blue, burgundy and some gold.

Ok, he seems to have calmed down some. Thank goodness. He was making me panicky! I hope you get this soon! lol

He is still here. He has calmed down a bit now, thank god. I was getting panicky there because i was feeling his impatience. I told him to cool it because I wasn't sure when you would get the message! So does any of that make sense to you? Do you know what a chatelaine is? And what I described him as- does that sound right to you? I know you saw him when you were 7 so is that what you remember? I asked him if he loved you and he had tears in his eyes and had both hands covering his heart.

******

No, you weren't married and I don't think you had any children together either. I think you were his mistress though. I heard "mistress". I'm getting the strong impression that you were his mistress for sure. I keep hearing that word over and over. I think he was married to someone else actually.

(Note: I never knew this until almost a year later, but it turns out that the wife of a laird, chatelaines, etc. would be addressed as such).

When I asked him if he gives you signs- the fan thing popped into my head - that was him. He doesn't like people using your bedroom. lol. He is very possessive of you. He doesn't want to "Share" you with anyone. He was pissed off that someone else was using your bedroom. I think his favourite place to be with you is your bedroom. I think he feels he has you "all to himself" there. That's pretty funny! LOL! Made me laugh. I asked if you two are soulmates and I heard "you better believe it".

That's all I seem to be able to get right now. I keep asking if there is a way that you might know that he is around and I'm not getting anything. Although I did see a book open on a desk in my mind's eye. I don't know if that would mean anything to you or not. Does anything weird ever happen with books or paper around you?

(Note: I think perhaps the open book was his way of saying he’s influencing my writing? And it is a little odd that the puppy dog paperweight we have - which my Dad wanted and Mom named "Patrick" - is lying on A BOOK!!!!)

(It just dawned on me…. In 2011... is that dog an Irish Setter?)

*************

Well he seemed to answer to the name Patrick, although that may be because that is what you call him. I just asked in my head "what is his name" and I heard the name William. I'm honestly not good with getting names though I will admit. I mostly get impressions and pictures. As far as where he was from, I get the impression that he was Scottish actually. Not Irish. I asked what your name was and I heard "annabelle". Now, like I said, I am not afraid to admit that I am not good with getting names so that could be wrong and also I think I remember reading that in the reading your aunt did too now that I think about it so that could be tainting what I am getting regarding your name. But William and Annabelle were the first names I heard when I asked both questions. Is William even a Scottish name? I don't know.

Sorry I can't answer your question about the tent dream. I really think he has left- I don't feel him around me at all now.

*************

My reply -

OMG! The transcript of the reading my aunt did was edited. In one part, near the beginning, she asked for me to say the first name that popped in my head. Guess what it was.... William.

Her reply -

OMG! You must be joking!!! GEEZ- I guess I should take my own advice then and trust myself more! WOW!

Well there ya go! I sure wasn't planning on that happening but wow am I ever exhausted now and I have a headache! LOL!

(Note: I do think it's strange that the letter that came to my mind during my aunt’s reading was an "L," and she came up with "William." The "L" could have stood for "Lord" or "Laird." I don't think I give my subconscious enough credit. I honestly thought I was just making up the "L" and "William" at the time. My aunt kept asking me for a name, so immediately I said "William").

Excerpt from my reply a few days later:

In that reading you mentioned how Patrick had on this shirt that he wore underneath his vest/jerkin. I didn't see the shirt when I was little, b/c he was kneeling at the time, but a few days before you did that reading I was watching "First Knight." I DISTINCTLY remember noticing that time how the shirt under Lancelot's vest wasn't tucked in, but hung out beneath the vest. That's EXACTLY what you described in that first reading. I thought that was pretty awesome to pick up on a detail like that. I now think there's a REASON I noticed that part of Lancelot's attire specifically during that viewing of that movie. I know I never paid attention to it before - and I've watched that movie many, many times in the past. And I just looked up the name William. It's a Teutonic name meaning "valiant protector."

And you are definitely right when you said that everything happened so fast!

One minute I am just getting home from picking up my hubby and decided to sit down to read my private messages and go out for a smoke and surprise... all of a sudden I am bombarded with a VERY anxious spirit! I mean, he was soooooooooo anxious and excited that I actually started shaking! I couldn't even think straight and I was having a really hard time typing. So if anything I said last night didn't make sense, or jumbled, it was because I couldn't type fast enough for him! LOL! I mean he REALLY took me by surprise! It happened after I read the message you sent me asking if I knew what kind of servant you were. I read it and then went outside for a smoke and I was going to respond to it after I got back in and as I was smoking outside, I was wondering to myself what kind of servant you might have been and then BOOM! There he was! I heard him say "chatelaine" and I was like "what the heck is a chatelaine?" LOL! The only place I've ever heard of a chatelaine is a magazine that we have here in Canada named "Chatelaine". So I immediately put out my smoke and came in and looked it up on google (all the while feeling Patrick's anxiousness and kept hearing him saying "tell her! Tell her!"- I was saying to him- "cool it man! I need to know what a chatelaine is before I tell her!" lol )

After I finally got offline I was so out of it! LOL! He really zapped me of my energy that is for sure. But I don't mind- I was happy to do it for you. I think I mentioned before that a lot of times when I am even just thinking about a spirit or reading about one, they somehow know and show up. LOL. So I wasn't really that surprised that he showed up - I was just taken aback by how strong he was and how panicky he made me. I think it was probably just because he was so excited and anxious himself that I was feeling it too.

I am curious about something though - the way I described him as looking- his clothes and stuff- did that all make sense to you? Is that how you remember him when you saw him when you were 7? I forgot to tell you too, that he was also wearing a hat. It had a white feather sticking out of the side, if you know what I mean.

*****

I just had a thought. The reason I asked you if your room looked like that is because when Patrick was here I saw a bedroom. Maybe he was showing me what your bedroom looked like when you saw him when you were 7 years old? Just a thought but I did see a bedroom when he was communicating with me.

I can't believe I never thought of this until now. The room I saw Patrick in was my sister's room, b/c I was too scared to sleep in my own room back then. It was a blue room, but MY ROOM was pink and frilly. Did you ever see what the bedcovers looked like? Poor, poor Patrick went from living inside a castle to hanging out in a tiny, frilly pink room with baby doll strollers and a pink rug.

Her reply:

Wow! That's pretty cool! The room was like drenched in pink! LOL! I remember seeing like flowery type pillows and I believe the bedding was flowers too (don't quote me on that though- I didn't see it that clearly - I just remember their was ALOT of pink and VERY girly). I think the pillows and bedding had like lace or frills around the edges? That's all I remember, and I don't even know if I am remembering the flowers correctly. It was definitely some kind of pattern though on the pillow and bedding and I really think that there were frills/lace around the pillow and the edges of the bedding.

(Note: She described everything correctly. Btw, I was hardly ever in that room. I’m beginning to wonder if the reason I was afraid of that room was b/c Patrick was always hanging out there? I have pretty much three memories in that room. Once, I tried proving to my sister that I COULD stay in there alone. LOL! The other time was when my sister and I shut the door so Mom wouldn’t know we made a slide out of my mattress. I just thought of something….. I also used to sit ‘inside’ the mattress when it was leaning against the wall like a slide. I sort of used it as a tent of sorts. Remember my tent dream and how I said I slept with all my favorite personal belongings… and necessities… every night? Maybe I traveled a lot in that PL; hence the tent dream and being ADAMANT on having my personal possessions next to me during the night). My third memory in that room was looking at the pictures of a castle and knights in a Sesame Street book).

****

My reply -

I think the only thing Mom wasn't sure about was that I was his mistress. She thinks that when you heard "mistress," he meant mistress of a castle/his home. (Like in the definition of a chatelaine).

Her reply -

She could be right because I also heard something like "matron of honor" or "maid of honor" (something along those lines) but Chatelaine really stood out the most.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Email to me:

I had a dream about you and your past life. Don't ask me why I would dream about that because I have not been thinking about that at all lately and I've never had a dream about you or your past life. Anyhow, I dreamt that you were still confused as to what your role was in that past life with Patrick and all of a sudden a HUGE white screen came up with big black bold letters that said "MAID OF HONOR". I know I already told you before that I heard that from Patrick but I think that Patrick snuck into my dreams that night and gave me confirmation because I think he knows you are still wondering.

Reading from Mom:

Mom didn't tell me much b/c of the headache he was giving her, but she did say that I was his ward. As I got older his feelings for me grew, which he fought b/c he was supposed to just be my caretaker; sort of like a father would. When he let me know of his feelings, I had a really hard time seeing him in that light. She said it scared me and I felt like it was wrong. She also says that she doesn't think I ever really thought of him as a father, but as someone who would just look after me and keep me safe. She says she doesn't think he really had that much to do with me until I was older. Which makes sense to me since he was probably away much of the time. He may have even been married with kids of his own at one time. I don't know. I do know that my aunt and another psychic said something about him losing his children. She also said that she thinks he had a really long name and that "Patrick" wasn't his first name. She said his name was something like ___ ___ Patrick___ The ____. (Know what I mean? Like "James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser" the Red). When she said that, I laughed b/c just that morning I was channel surfing. I stopped on Roseanne... one of the last lotto episodes I can't stand... and there was a character on there who was introduced as having like 7 names. Lol!

Things Mom Picked Up:

(She could feel him behind her. She gets a tingle on her right side, and it tickles her ear. It’s as if someone is whispering directly in her ear. She would have picked up more, but Dad kept interrupting her with talk about work, so she didn’t pick up as much as she could have).

- Patrick is not only watching over me, but he’s interested in everything and everyone I’m interested in; all aspects of my life.

- We had a secret rendezvous point at a loch or some river. The loch/river was named after a rock? She kept receiving something about “granite”. She said it was a pretty spot with black and white swans, and some craggy mountain there was reflected in the water.

- Mom saw the image of a woman in her head all day long. That night she had the name “Rowena” pop in her head. This woman has dark honey-blonde hair/mean, slanted eyes (almond-shaped), hair smoothed very flat on each side (parted in middle), and she’s very hard looking. Could she be his wife maybe?

Rowena:
Meaning- Celtic: “The white-haired one.”
Old English – “A well-known friend.”

- Patrick is royalty, but he’s a ways down in the line. (Ex.– 5 people or so are ahead of him in the royal line, but his family is definitely royalty. He’s ‘of money’).

- “She hated the cold.” (It got into my bones it was so cold).

Nat's reply to my question about the woman Mom saw -

Hmmm, I don't know. Could be his wife. I know that the whole time I was connecting with Patrick I had a vision of a woman in my head. I didn't tell you though because I wasn't sure if it meant anything but I will tell you what she looked like. She was slim and had strawberry blonde hair- light skinned and her hair was pulled back in a pony-tail which was very long. She was wearing a long, very pretty pinkish dress. She was pretty young- probably 16 - 20 years of age. I kept seeing her walking around a castle (the inside of it). I actually got the strong impression that it was you- that Patrick was showing me what you looked like. Very pretty, cute girl with a round face.

(Note: Her description matches how I've seen myself in a dream).

Mom’s Tarot Reading

The Chariot - Maintaining Balanced Control
Completion and triumph. Hard work pays off, and endeavors are crowned with success, which is entirely deserved. You may have had to constantly defend your position in order to get through difficult times, but now you can afford to relax a little and enjoy the rewards; you won’t always need to protect your personality with battle armor.

Five of Cups - Negative Effects
Unhappiness in a relationship. The sadness and disappointment you feel may be due to breaking up with a partner, and you know that what is hurt cannot be healed by regret. Focus on what remains, rather than dwell on what you have lost.

The Emperor - Power
The influence of an older person who holds fast to tradition. Indicates protection & support in any venture because the Emperor represents an honest, if domineering, ally. He lives in a dynamic, creative whirlwind powered by the strength of his will, yet his stubborn martial attitude leaves no room for subtlety or the nurturing qualities. Don’t assume an individual with strong qualities has good judgment.

And this came to her right after:

- When I was telling Mom about how maybe he sort of reminds me of “Dr. MacNeill” and that’s why I dream of him that way…. Mom told me I was totally off. She said that Patrick knows that that is the kind of man I’m attracted to and am comfortable with, so that’s why he comes to me in my dreams as “Dr. MacNeill.”

And I do find it odd that in that ‘cabin dream’ I had, I remember us both thinking - ‘To Hell with what everyone else thinks. We want to be together and so WE will be the ones calling the shots from now on’….. that does echo what Nat said in her reading about us not being allowed to be together. I shouldn’t have brushed off that dream just b/c “Dr. MacNeill” (or someone like him) was in it. No ‘wish fulfillment’ dream would be that deep. I can’t believe it took me so long to make that connection.

- I was similar to being Patrick’s ward. My father didn’t die, but he had to go away for a long period of time. He and Patrick may have even been best friends. My father put Patrick in charge of looking after me. She says my father was a rich landowner.

- There was a definite age gap between Patrick and myself of around 10 – 15 years.

- Our relationship was “sweet.” (Whatever that means)

- I loved children, and this amused Patrick.

- Just like you said, she thinks we were together for a while.

- It's highly likely I was a lady in waiting. (Like a maid of honor like you said. Or something similar to that).

- Patrick was very stubborn and not “affectionate” by nature. Not in touch whatsoever with his feminine side. Meaning, he probably was taken from his family at a tender age to prepare for his role in life. He was a great leader of men, and so was taught from infancy to be strong and above expressing his feelings; to be above even having feelings in the first place probably. He may not have even thought it right to marry anyone, due to his station. (Warfare, etc.) But then I came along and he began to question things and feel things for another person. He thought his feelings toward me were wrong. (I’m sure they were even uninvited).

- He was not outspoken until much later, when everything was taken away from him. Mom says what was taken away from him was me. That we couldn’t be together.

Update: This is contradictory to what she said later… that we married and had 2 kids. Unless the separation wasn't permanent but did last many years. Or maybe the connection was weakening, as Mom said Patrick kept saying - "No, you don't understand" & "Listen to me."

- He may or may not have married. If he did, it was because he had to. Also, by the time he was ‘in touch’ with the idea of he and I marrying, it was too late.

- I held fast to the conviction that if I couldn't be with Patrick, I didn't want to be with anyone else.

He’s not a Ghost , he’s a Spirit

To a scared 7-year-old, he’s a ghost. LOL!

Oh yeah, I can definitely understand that. I just thought I would point it out though because I got the distinct feeling that Patrick took offense to that. lol

***

Yeah, I do believe that you were very high ranked if you were a servant. I really don't know the full meaning of what a Chatelaine is so you may not have been a servant at all or you were a very high end servant you know? It's kind of confusing for me because I definitely don't get the feeling that you 2 were married but I also get the feeling that you were very important in his household. So that is kind of confusing to me. But then again, I don't know 2 bits about how things were run back then. I also got the impression that he was away a lot and that the 2 of you didn't get to see each other very often.

***

Well I get the strong feeling that you were definitely never married in that life. I felt that your love was kept a secret. I felt that you were far- removed from his everyday life- meaning you didn't get involved or know, or were even allowed to get involved with his life. I feel that he had to go out of his way to steal a moment with you. That would explain your "rendezvous" with him in that place your mom talked about. I feel that the 2 of you would've pretended to ignore each other in the public eye but would try to "sneak away" together to be alone.

Question Asked -

What was Kristin and Patrick's relationship in their past life that Kristin is wondering about?

In the beginning, there were deep yearnings between the 2 of you for love, pleasure and emotional satisfaction. I sense that at the beginning, the 2 of you were so full of hope and anticipation that the 2 of you could be together and I definitely sense that you were together for a while. Great happiness - the start of a new love. Celebration. (Interestingly enough, on one of the cards it shows a happy couple in their own little world and in the background is a castle.)

THEN the reading suddenly turned into something quite different. It says that there was a lot of confusion and inner conflict going on inside of him. He couldn't decide what to do and was frustrated by his limitations. I got the STRONG sense that he was "betrothed" to another woman at some point during your relationship. One of the cards even outright said that there were more than 2 people in this relationship and I take that to mean, you, Patrick and his wife. Like a love triangle. You both knew it was coming but when it happened it was a shock. He didn't want to marry this woman but I sense that there was a definite obligation there and he had to do what was right for his family or in order to keep his reputation. (I don't know if they had arranged marriages back then but it would be like how a prince or someone of royalty, which we already know that he was would have to marry someone else of importance you know what I mean?) He went ahead and married this woman I feel but he was deeply upset about it and so were you. He definitely did not love her like he loved you. In fact, he may not have loved her at all because in the reading, it said that he wondered if he would ever feel that love again.

I feel that the 2 of you continued your relationship in secrecy for a while after he got married (which I picked up before in the other reading), meeting in secret places, etc, etc. But I feel that the 2 of you drifted apart after he married his wife (not on your part- but on HIS part). You were very hurt. I sense that it took you a very long time to get over him. The cards say that you felt very empty and even though there were others who offered their love to you, you did not want anything to do with them. You just couldn't forget about Patrick and I really don't think you ever loved again. That's the feeling I got from the cards. It actually said that you withdrew from everything to try to heal and even after you had come to terms with everything, there were still offers of love before you (meaning other men), but that it no longer had any meaning or value to you. Meaning, I think you felt that if you couldn't love Patrick, you would not love another. It just wouldn't be the same. It even says that you had an inability to find a loving partner after this.

Ok, then I asked who he is to you NOW. I didn't get much but here is what I DID pick up:

He has already sown and reaped and carries with him the enlightenment of his experiences and he is offering you the benefit of these lessons and achievements (meaning I think he is trying to guide you and help you to learn YOUR lessons in this life.) That's why I said before in my last message to you that I do not think he is incarnating ever again. I think he has already learned all his lessons and is now trying to help guide you so you can learn your lessons. It says that he will not mislead you- he is trying to help you with your life lessons.

So now I understand why you never felt like you wanted to marry in this life. That relates to what happened in your past life with Patrick. Once he married and the 2 of you drifted apart, I really got the strong sense that you never married or loved another. And it would also explain why you love the movies where the couples can never totally be together. I actually got quite emotional when I was typing this up and to me, that is definite confirmation that what I am picking up and sensing is true.

*********

My reply -

It's very depressing. But I'm THRILLED you did this reading. I never would have thought of this scenario that came through with this reading, but I do think it's probably all true. That latest vision I had must have really been something then. (Finding Patrick with another woman. She had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I was really calm about it, so I don‘t understand why that was). I knew it HAD to be something b/c I never have visions and that particular one came out of left field. The woman must have been his wife.

And maybe that other dream I had (of him and myself in the same room) was an aftermath of that? I definitely felt some sort of tension between us in that dream. I wasn’t angry, but there was tension. I was standing by the bed and he was way across the room, by the door.

**************

And also your mother told you about that "rendezvous" at the lake with the swans too right?

I'm beginning to wonder, now that I know things I didn't know when I had this dream, that maybe that was my subconscious remembering that PL. You know, in that our being together wasn't allowed by outside forces, but then WE decided to ignore what THEY wanted. That would explain our giddiness in our reunion and one of us BURSTING through the door. I really, really REALLY cannot even begin to describe how elated I felt... we both felt... in that dream. Heavenly isn't even the correct word. It went so BEYOND any words we have to describe that kind of happiness. It's like there isn't a word in any language that describes the feelings we had in that dream. I just can't help but think that that dream was a combination of an actual memory and my subconscious remembering our circumstances in that PL - in that we wanted to be together, but couldn't. I don't think dreams are always so straightforward. You know, in that it's always just a memory, spirits visiting you in a form you're comfortable with, or your subconscious coming up to the surface in any way it can.

That dream never made sense, but it definitely made an impression on me. I depressed me so much that I didn’t even bother writing it down. I knew there’d be no point since I wasn’t likely to ever forget it.

I always brushed that dream off b/c “Neil” (or someone looking very much like him) was in it. Also, it was a cabin, and in that tv series “Neil” lived in a cabin.

So it may be something like a memory of a reunion with Patrick (in disguise in my dream), or nothing as profound as that at all.

Mom’s Other Reading - Snippets

- The swans were a big deal because with each child we had, he gave me a swan. Lol! That’s why Mom kept seeing a black swan and a white swan. We had 2 children, so we had 2 swans. Mom said she thought that Patrick thought he was very creative/poetic when he came up with that, but that I thought it was a little silly.

(This is funny – in the sequel to my first novel, Joseph says they’ll plant a new rose tree with each child they have. Now… I did sort of borrow that idea from the Avonlea books and tv series, but I have always LOVED the idea. So maybe there’s a deeper reason why that always struck me as an awesome idea. Only in my book I didn’t use swans, but rose trees. And Patrick did tell you that I loved roses).

- I named our home myself, and it had something to do with swans. She said the name I chose was sort of a joke. Like Patrick thought the castle he built for us was so grand, etc. but I thought it was a bit too much. Lol! A bit ‘Goddy’ I guess. I called it “Castle Cygnet.” Mom asked me to look up what Cygnet meant. (I had only heard of “Signet Classics” – the publishing company. Lol!) But Mom and I didn’t know what it meant, so we looked it up on the internet. I was AMAZED. It said a Cygnet was:

A juvenile swan, traditionally thought of as being ‘ugly.’ (See ‘The Ugly Duckling’)

So… I referred to our home lovingly and jokingly; as “A Cygnet.”

- I mentioned to Mom that I would love to see where I used to live. She heard Patrick tell her “It’s not there anymore.” Lol! I guess he didn’t understand that I was talking about wanting to see it in A DREAM. Lol! Not in real life. (Even in that dream I had, it was in major RUINS).

Friend’s Email - Snippets

But I have to say that I keep hearing over and over and over again "She needs to know the truth" and "Tell her. Tell her. Tell her" and "She needs you".

I always ask for proof that what I have just relayed to the person is in fact true because I do NOT ever want to say something to someone that is false. Most times when I have relayed a message to you from Patrick, I have asked him to tap me on the head if I indeed got everything right and every time I felt a tap on my head.............. Oh get this- one time after I had just finished giving you a lengthy message from Patrick, I went outside for a smoke, and as I was standing on my deck, which faces the road I was saying to myself, "I really hope I got everything right because I will feel horrible if I said something that was not right". Well about 2 seconds after I said that, a big truck went by with 5 huge gold starts in a row on it. You know, like how they rate movies- it gets 5 stars if it was a good movie? Well, as soon as I saw that, I knew that was confirmation for me.

PS- I think I should tell you that Patrick was here for part of this email because when I started to answer some of your questions, I could hear words in my head that were not my own and I started typing and using words that I wouldn't normally use (I started to sound like a pompous snob- lol). I'm pretty sure he was impressing me with information because I all of a sudden got VERY passionate about what I was saying and telling you, and was answering your questions quite matter-of-factly. I actually had to go back and edit some of it because it didn't sound like me at all and I didn't want you to think I went cuckoo on you. lol. So just thought I would tell you that. (I actually started to feel a bit "regal" there for a while! LOL!)

*************

I told you a long time ago that I felt that you were a servant to HIM. The card even showed a man on a white horse with women, lower than him, surrounding him looking after him.

My being a servant would definitely explain the secrecy, but it doesn’t explain the engagement ring or that he’d build a place for me, a servant. I just never got the feeling that I was his servant. I could be WAY OFF, of course. (And it is interesting by the way that your card had a man on a WHITE HORSE with women looking up at him. Lol!) And in those other dreams I’ve had, I wasn’t a pauper by any means. I was dressed very grand. And didn’t you say Patrick showed you me walking around inside a castle? Did you ever see how I was dressed? Like I said, I could be soooo wrong but I just don’t think I was a servant. MAYBE a maid of honor for a time, but not a servant. I just don’t feel that at all, and in those dreams I was dressed very stylishly.

I think that if he formulated the Dr. Neil thing, he most likely formulated the entire dream. I think that dream was more meant for you to remember your feelings and the circumstances not the cabin.

I think that’s probably true. I do think it’s THE MESSAGE of the dream that’s the most important. That SOMETHING was keeping us apart, and that we were sick to death of it.

And I don't think he lived there with you. It was a place for him to come see you. So he could keep you safe and know where you are. That's my feelings on that anyhow.

Now-- if I was his ward like Mom said, that would make total sense out of the place he had built for me. Something like that (his act of building a place for me) would not have to be secret, and he could come and go as he pleased without people getting too suspicious.

And I do think that his being ordered to ‘look after me’ by my father/whomever feels right. I could be way off, but from the first time Mom said that - it felt right. I just don’t think I was a servant and… hey, wait a minute… maybe the “giving up of authority” was related to that. That he no longer looked to me as being just his ward that he was put in charge of.

Another Reading:

Before I respond to your email, I just wanted to let you know that this morning I did 2 more readings asking what your relationship to Patrick was in your PL. I asked if you were indeed married. Now, while shuffling the cards, one card, again, flew out of the deck and landed in front of me. It was the 4 of Staves upside down. That card has a picture of two lovers toasting their love in front of a castle. Now, right side up, that card indicates a new marriage, BUT it was upside down and when it appears upside down, it says, "The desire to put down roots but elusiveness in doing so. Wanting stability. Frustrations and disappointments with love". After I did the 2 readings, I couldn't get a definite answer on whether or not the 2 of you were married so I asked the cards to give me ONE card that would answer my question of whether or not you 2 were married and it was the Ace of Cups, upside down.That says, "Emotional disappointments. Disillusionment with love. Sadness and melancholy." So I am still thinking that the 2 of you were not married. Put those 2 cards together and they pretty much say the same thing.

Here are some other things I picked up in the 2 readings I did.…

I am beginning to think that your mom may have been right when she said that Patrick built that castle for you to impress you because a lot of his cards actually said "Using wealth to manipulate others. A need to control situations from behind the scenes." So that echoes that he used his wealth to impress you by building you a castle. I knew that it was definitely a gift for you but I wasn't sure why. I thought it was so that you 2 could have a place where you could meet in secret but I don't think I had the full picture. I think your mom was right- he did build it for you to impress you BUT I also think that it also was like I said too, a place where you could meet in secret. So not only did he build it to impress you, but it was a place for the 2 of you to be together away from everyone else. Also, a lot of the cards mentioned "secrecy" as well as "time to move on but unwillingness to do so". So I am still thinking that your relationship was secret and the time to move on has to do with your relationship ending. If you 2 WERE married and he died of old age, then there would be no need for the 2 of you to move on would there? Every reading I've done on the 2 of you mentions you 2 being torn apart, and time to move on but not wanting to do so, etc, etc. The readings also said "Stagnation and fear of change. Resisting transformations. Adherance to the status quo. The need to move in a new direction but not wanting to do so. Rigidity". That to me, is referring to him having to do what his family needed him to do and that was to marry someone else (or something along those lines).

>>>But wait a minute… just had a thought… if I really was a servant (still not sure about that) and our relationship was hush-hush… which is understandable… why would we ever be engaged? People whose relationships are a secret don't get engaged. Royalty don't ask peasants to marry them.

Well sometimes symbols are not literal. So maybe the engagement ring meant to show me that you 2 were committed to each other, not necessarily engaged. By the way- I have to tell you that the part about you being a servant was one of the parts where I felt Patrick was taking over my thinking. When I said "because you were a servant" when you said you just couldn't understand why the secrecy, that's when he started to come through. If I remember correctly, I actually started to type something like "It would be most inadvantageous for a man of my nobility to be seen with the likes of a servant". Now, do you think *I* talk like that? NO. I don't even know if "inadvantageous" is a word! lol. (it was something like that anyhow). I know you have doubts about being a servant but I really do feel that you were. Maybe you started out as being in his care but as you got older, you were "put to use" as a servant? And you asked me if I saw what you were wearing when I saw you in my visions- well you didn't look royal or high-up that is for sure. Your hair was long and it was pulled back in a long braid and you were wearing a plain looking dress with a flowery pattern on it with like a white apron-type thing around the front. You just looked like an average girl to me. When I see Patrick, there is NO doubt that he is high up. I mean his clothes are FANCY! lol. Yours were not, not even your hair- it was just a simple braid down your back. By the way, I've been meaning to tell you this but I keep forgetting. Ever since you and I have been writing back and forth everyday again, I think Patrick has been sneaking in some visits to me hoping I won't notice. LOL! The other day, I thought for sure that I saw him in my mind's eye and I was wondering what he might want. Well, I went to go out to have a cigarette, and you are not going to believe this (and nothing like this has EVER happened to me before)- I HEARD A MUSIC BOX PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew right then that it was Patrick. lol

~*~*~*~*~

Hoping you won't notice? Does he hide in the corner? Lol! That's funny.

Well I just catch a glimpse of him once in a while. He looks like "Ooops, she saw me." lol

Long Names & Roses & Rabbits

Well he showed up here I believe when I was replying to your email. I felt someone tap my head and then I saw a huge orb moving like zig-zaggy through the air on my left side and I could clearly see him in my mind's eye. Yes, he was wearing his silly feather hat! LOL! I've been feeling a bit anxious too-- I think he is still here and wants to give you a message. I'm pretty tired right now, but if he is still here later I will see if I can figure out what he wants. Ok, he's definitely here- my ears are burning like crazy. Maybe I won't be able to hold him off after all. lol. Hmmmm, I just asked him to show me something and I immediately saw a music box with a horse like from a carousel (sp??) in it. Do you have one of those? I just saw a white tent too and I immediately got the impression that he is trying to tell me something about your tent dream that you had. I don't know what but I'll see if I can find out. It was meant to show you something or give you information about your past life. He is sorry that he scared you- that was not his intention at all - I think he feels really bad that he scared you. It was meant to give you more information. I keep hearing that over and over. You need to dig deeper for the meaning he is implying. I keep hearing the word "soulmates" too. What the heck??? I just saw a white bunny rabbit in my head. Don't know what the heck that means. lol! Maybe you will but I sure don’t. He's holding it now. What the heck??? LOL. Ok, I just asked in my head what was the meaning of the tent dream and I heard "to let her know that I will always protect her". I just asked him what he was in that past life- a king or a prince and I heard "Mascot". I don't know what the heck that is. Maybe you should look that up. I keep hearing France and Scotland as well. "Victory!" he just said that in my ear! LOL! Do you have a music box that goes off sometimes? i think he is saying that he plays with it sometimes to let you know he is around. Could be the one with the horse that I just described- I am not sure. I saw a bouquet of red roses too- think those were a gift to you from him. Patrick's not his real name, he said. Francis or something? I don't know. I keep hearing France over and over- maybe he is saying "Francis"? I am not sure. McKnight- I just heard that too. (bear with me, I am just typing as these things come to me). I keep seeing a white horse in my head too.

Well, I've been sitting here for a few minutes now trying to get more info but I'm not getting much more. Oh, I just saw a large pink heart- guess he wants to tell you he loves you. How sweet.

Well I wasn't expecting that! LOL! Let me know what you think about that. Oh I just saw the 1600's and 1700's in my head- maybe that is when you had your past life with him. I asked him if it was the 1600's or the 1700's and he said "both". So maybe it was the late 1600's, early 1700's? Also, I keep hearing "Scotland, Ireland and France" all together. I don't know if there was a time when all 3 of those places were connected somehow or what but for some reason I get the feeling that those 3 places mean something significant. Weird.

Ok, well let me know what you think of all that. He's still here but I'm not getting much more info from him- I just can sense very strongly his presence.

My reply -

That music box I have! It has a horse that circles the castle when you turn it on - like a carousel. I was JUST DUSTING the darn thing about one minute before I decided to check my email again. Also, I am always telling him to turn on that music box. (Okay… NAGGING him for months was more like it). I guess he came to you b/c he knew I was upset that he didn't come to Mom last night. And another little piece of info that tells me that maybe “McKnight” was his last name, is b/c just last night I asked Mom what his last name was. Mom said she isn’t good with names, so she didn’t get anything. Maybe he decided to tell you since Mom didn’t know last night.

Her reply -

WOW! That is great confirmation for me that he was here regarding the music box with the horse- that is the very first thing I saw! Although I don't really need any confirmation that he was here because he was DEFINITELY here! No doubt about that! I just got finished grounding myself actually because Patrick has a habit of making my head spin! LOL! I told him he could only communicate through me if he was a lot less impatient and anxious than the last time! LOL! And that is soooooooo cool that you said you are always asking Patrick to turn on your music box because as I said in my previous email, I got the feeling that he likes to play with it to let you know he is around. Maybe he was trying to tell me that you are always asking him to play with it! LOL! I definitely think that he DOES TRY to play with it for you- he definitely hears you asking him to. Maybe one of these days he will get the thing to play for you! LOL!

>>> I did NOT expect that.

Well that makes 2 of us then, because I did not expect it either! LOL! But as soon as I finished reading your email and started to respond to it, I knew he was here- I think he was making sure I was telling you the right things. LOL Like he was watching over my shoulder to approve of what I was writing back to you. I pictured him staring over my shoulder with his hand on his chin like "Hmmmmm, what is she saying?" lol

******************

Her email -

I was thinking it might have been his or your surname- not sure which one, or if it even is a surname. I heard Brian after that, but maybe that is because there is a singer I think named Brian McKnight. He was obviously trying to tell me something but I'm not exactly sure what it is. Maybe he wanted to remind me of Brian McKnight because one of his names was Brian??? I'm just guessing there.

My reply -

Well, my sister told me a long time ago she thought his name was Brian Patrick. So it is also possible that maybe his surname isn’t McKnight, but that was his way of getting you to hear the name “Brian.” So either McKnight is his surname, or Brian is one of his first names… or both are correct. (Note: I’ve recently stumbled into a dream in my journal from back in high school where my cousin Brian was in it. This dream I’ll mention later, but I really think it’s related to Patrick).

Yeah, that first time- WOW! Was he ever excited and impatient and anxious! I literally almost passed out- lol! He was much better this time. He left when I asked him to and most spirits don't give a crap if I ask them to leave or not! So he does have manners and respect! He is a pleasant spirit to work with now. I don't mind if he wants to come to me as long as he continues to respect my wishes like he did today. Very well-mannered guy there. ;) Actually, he is here now again and is just smiling and watching me type. He is impressing me with his feelings and I can tell that he is very grateful for being able to communicate through me. He's really happy. Awwwwwwwwww, he's sweet!!! I get the impression that he is a very well mannered, quiet, reserved type of guy. Very respectful too. Anyhow, he is just watching me now. He seems EXTREMELY interested in anything I say to you regarding him. lol. I don't blame him though. He's making sure I am getting everything right. Maybe he is a perfectionist like you said! LOL! Ok, my kid just started screaming so there goes my connection. LOL!

I really got the strong impression (and I can't stress this enough- it is a very strong feeling) that when he showed me the rabbit that he thought you would REALLY like it for some reason. Like I mentioned in my previous email to you, at first I thought that maybe you owned a white rabbit as a pet, but I just knew that was not right and then it hit me that maybe you loved rabbits in your past life and had one or more as a pet in the past life and he thought that you would remember if he showed it to you. I got the feeling it was a really sweet gesture - he was smiling when he showed it to me with a twinkle in his eye like it would mean something to you from him. That could be that he called you "bunny" or that he was reminding you of a beloved pet you had that he thought would make you smile. I really got the impression that he thought it would make you smile- maybe he was hoping you would remember some "inside joke" or something between the 2 of you.

*****

The "Gentle Giant"- that fits him perfectly! LOL! Remember when I told you the first time he appeared to me that he looked really fierce? Well I think that was just because he was "on a mission", you know what I mean? He was desperate to contact you and was desperately trying through me, so he was in "battle mode", ya know? That is probably why I felt him come on so strong and so anxious- because he was in his "battle mode". Trying to "get the job done". lol The reason I am telling you that is because when he appeared to me today, he looked so peaceful and serene. He is still a big guy, but he just looked very peaceful, serene and loving. He's definitely very kind and respectful and has good manners. I didn't tell you this the last time he came to me but I could've sworn I heard him call me "M'lady". Isn't that how they respectfully addressed women back then?

******

My email -

I do think it strange how it so clearly echoes what my aunt was saying about his impatience with her and his relief in getting through. She said he actually had tears in his eyes.

Her reply -
She said he had tears in his eyes??? I said the exact same thing to you when he came to me the first time! I asked him if he loved you and he put his hands over his heart and he had tears in his eyes!!!!

Patrick’s Here

Hey- I called Patrick to come to me because I couldn't take not knowing what that darned rabbit and the Francis business meant so I told Marcus to go get him and bring him here and he's here now. I asked him what the rabbit meant and if you had owned them in your past life and he was waving his hands around in the air and rolling his eyes and said "They were EVERYWHERE!" lol I also heard "she loved them like there was no tomorrow" and then I heard "it was a gift to her". He looked like he was acting out a scene from that life and was stumbling over the darned rabbits because they were everywhere! I think they drove him a bit nuts! LOL! This is too funny- I am actually laughing here. He's got a good sense of humour. You should see him jumping around waving his hands around in the air like he is tripping over rabbits trying to get to you. LOL! Ok, I just asked him if I am getting this right and I heard "You sure are!" (I know he likes to make sure I am getting everything just right! LOL!). I'm seeing a big grassy field with a ton of rabbits hopping around and there's a young girl there with reddish hair sitting in the grass playing with them all having a ball. And I get the feeling you don't know he is there and he is coming to see you and is tripping over all the rabbits. LOL! This is too funny!!!! I can't stop giggling. There are flowers in the field too - small ones, I think pink and white ones. Ok, he keeps saying that they're roses but I don't believe roses grow in fields, but I keep hearing "No, they're roses!". He said he planted them for you! OMG! That is tooooooooooooo sweet!!!!!! You loved roses he said! Awwwww, this is so sweet that I am getting teary eyed. I think I am picking up his feelings- he is reminiscing about the past. Awwwww!!!!!! He wants to give you a rabbit. A white one. Don't ask me how he is going to do that but I guess it's the thought that counts. That is why he had the sly grin on his face and the twinkle in his eyes when he held the rabbit- they drove him nuts but he put up with them because he knew you loved them so much and he loved you and wanted you to be happy. It made him happy to watch you play with them in the grass. He used to watch you when you didn't know it and just smile while you would roll around in the grass with the rabbits. Ok, i am asking him what is the deal with "Francis". He keeps saying "I'M Francis" ( putting a great deal of emphasis on the "I'M" part), but I remember you saying that he doesn't seem like a "Francis" to you so I keep dismissing it but I keep hearing "I'M Francis" I asked him if that was his first name and I immediately heard "second". Brian Francis Patrick McKnight. I just heard all those names in that order. I keep saying those names over and over and asking if that is really his name and I just heard "Yes, that's me" but I don’t know for sure- the connection is fading now. I think he is getting tired or something. lol

Anyhow, he wanted me to tell you that you were SUPPOSED to read those poems. I think he was trying to tell me that he led you to them because he wanted you to see them.

Coincidence about the Rose Garden mentioned:

This may be nothing but in the book I'm writing now I have a "Garden Scene." The female lead loves the Language of Flowers that was so popular in Victorian times, so when her husband surprised her with a house, the first thing she noticed were the rose trees. Also, in my first book the male lead mentions to the female lead that the owner of the abandoned house (they're outside, looking at the house during this scene) had a wife that had a profound love for roses, so he planted an entire plot of them for her. So... maybe there's something deeper with all that. Who knows. LOL!

ok, it's been a while since I sent you my previous email with the messages from Patrick, but I have had this nagging nagging feeling that I got something wrong with the name I gave you (Brian Francis Patrick McKnight). There's something wrong with it. I get the feeling it's jumbled up or something. I saw him moving his finger in a circle like it's not arranged right and needs to be "unscrambled" or something. Also, I was reminded of the name William too- somehow I get the strong feeling that the names William and Brian are connected. I don't know how or why but I am getting that sense. Ok, I am also getting a HUGE sense of relief wash over me too. I think that is Patrick feeling relieved that I clarified that. I think he's been hanging around waiting for me to clarify this to you. LOL. I was feeling this really really nagging feeling and a bit anxious too and I could still see him in my mind's eye so I think that was him trying to tell me that the name is somehow wrong or mixed up and that I needed to tell you- I get the feeling that it is jumbled- like it's not in the right order. Plus the William/Brian connection that I am not sure what it means but I am getting that in my head. Whew! I feel much better now that I told you that! lol

Ok, I just needed to clarify that because I think Patrick was bugging me to clarify that for you. As I said before, he is very particular that I give you the right information! LOL! Of course, I don't blame him.

* Note about the next reading *

This was when I was thinking Patrick was for my mother and not me. It's a long story, but let’s just say that when I was young one of Mom’s first stained glass pieces was of a swan, and about a year before the reading with Patrick and the bunnies, Mom went through a phase of collecting bunny rabbit trinkets to decorate my brother’s old room with after he went away to college. Both these things Patrick mentioned to my mother and my friend.

By the way, while I was having those doubts I asked that Patrick go to my friend to set the record straight if he could. That was the first (and only) time I ever did that, as I know Patrick's energy can be draining on her and I didn't want him to wear out his welcome. But turns out he DID go to her, so maybe he really is around and hears me. (Just like when I wondered out loud that morning what his horse's name was, and then I immediately dreamt the answer).

~*~*~*~*~*~

Forgot to tell you this

I forgot to tell you this but Patrick was with me all morning (he's back again now too). I was wondering why the heck he was coming to me this morning but now it just dawned on me that he knew you were confused about the rabbits and the music box and he wanted me to set the record straight for you. That would explain why he was hanging around this morning. I actually said to him "not now I am busy" and I heard him say "that's ok, I'll wait". And he wouldn't leave - just kept watching me and following me around all morning but not saying a word. I think he did leave at one point (must've got tired of waiting) but now that I read and responded to your last email saying that you are confused he is definitely back and is obviously wanting me to tell you something. I can sense him very strongly around me. I feel he wants you to know that it definitely was NOT your mom he was referring to- it was for YOU (the rabbits, the music box). And I just remembered how emotional I was getting when I was telling you about the scene of you in the grass with the rabbits- I NEVER get emotional unless what I am saying is true. There is NO WAY that I would get emotional if I was imagining things. I was picking up on his feelings of remembering the past with you playing with the rabbits. Also, I was just outside for a smoke before I sat down to write this email and I said out loud that if he really was referring to your mom that I would feel like a total dork. Well right after I said that, something hit me right on the side of the face- something small but it was enough to make me notice. I think someone was trying to tell me that no, I wasn't wrong at all. It happened exactly right after I said those words. LOL! It was definitely meant for you- not your mom. I can sense Patrick easing off a bit now so that to me is confirmation that I am right- that he is relieved that I am telling you this so that you won't be confused anymore. By the way- I think he wrote you a poem and he wants me to write it down for you but there is no way I would be able to hear an entire poem- I'm just not that good at clairaudience. I can hear a word or two or a phrase but I doubt that I would be able to hear him recite an entire poem to me. This happened this morning - I saw him with a piece of paper in his hands and I could've sworn I heard him say that he wrote you a poem and he wanted to share it with me so I would tell you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Funny excerpt from an email to me when I finally stopped overanalyzing:

It was weird because I thought I was imagining things but I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was definitely here and I was getting anxious and I always get anxious when there is a spirit around wanting to communicate. So I just told him to wait and he did. He hung around me all day just following me around and watching me, not saying a word. lol. After I got your email last night where you were doubting everything I could feel him around me again and I said to him "what are we going to do with her Patrick"? and I said "I'm going to go down there and kick her butt!!!" and he actually said "she needs it!" LOL. I told him that it's up to him now to make you believe because I don't know what else I can say to make you believe so I told him to show you a red rose or a sunflower- SOMETHING that you would see. Well he wanted ME to send you a red rose and I had to tell him that no, I can't do it- he needs to do it himself. LOL! I really don't think he knows exactly how to go about giving you signs. I mean, he wanted ME to show you the red rose and I had to tell him that is not the point- HE needs to do it himself. So I don't know if you happened to have seen a red rose or a sunflower yesterday or today but I told him to lead you to one so that you would see it.

>>>Anyway, I was thinking about what you said; that I had been nagging him for months to play that music box, and that HE DID in a way. Relating it to you is proof enough for me that he is listening to me, and that I'm not talking into thin air every single time I speak to him.

Yes, he did. It was playing when he showed it to me. To me, what better validation is that??? Again, your mom is tuned in to the spirit world- she's a medium. As far as Patrick is concerned, who better person to get his messages across than through your mom right? So he may have been impressing her with the rabbits so that YOU would see it and remember. It has NOTHING to do with your mom. I strongly think that he uses her to get his messages across and to make himself known because she is in tune with that stuff right? That would only make sense. Therefore, she named the paper weight "Patrick" which he probably impressed her mind with and probably thought "Aha! Finally someone may recognize that I am here!" and therefore your mom decorated the kids room with rabbits, probably picking up from him your love of rabbits and he probably thought again, "Aha! Finally Kristin will see those and remember me!" He probably hangs around your mom a lot trying to get messages across whether she knows it or not. I mean, to him, your mom is the PERFECT person to go to right?? I mean, think about it this way- if YOU were a spirit and YOUR soulmate was here and earth and he lived with a medium who could communicate with the spirit world , who would you go to try to get your messages across? DUH!!!! LOL

Also, if he was there for your mom, he would not have come to me yesterday when you asked because frankly, why would he give a crap if he was for your mom? He wouldn't!

The following is a dream which Nat had:

She was walking downtown with her hubby when they came across Gerry filming a movie in the city.

Note: I forgot to mention to her that when she dreamt that, at the time Gerry REALLY WAS filming outdoor scenes to a movie where she lived. At the time I was reading a lot of fan encounters on his websites, only I never told her about those since I didn’t want to bore her with my Gerry Butler obsession.

Anyhow, at the time my friend wasn’t thinking about GB in the slightest. She went up to Gerry and asked if she could videotape him for me.

Note: She says that in the beginning of the dream GB was skateboarding. Lol! Months after she told me this, I realized that in another Patrick dream that I had back in high school – a skateboard and my cousin “Brian” was in it. I remembered thinking at the time I dreamt that, that the skateboard and my cousin being in the dream was ridiculous. I couldn’t figure out the meaning. But when my friend mentioned Gerry and a skateboard, I looked up the meaning in a dream dictionary. The meaning made sense, as it echoed what she and others have told me about Patrick’s feelings for me.

The definition read: "To dream that you are skateboarding indicates the ups and downs of some emotional situation or relationship."

In this dream, Gerry told her that she could videotape him, and she remembered thinking that I was right about Gerry being really nice to his fans. After they parted she continued walking around the city, but then she bumped into Gerry again. This time, he came up TO HER. She said it was strange because she then saw ME standing on the sidewalk about 10 feet away talking to some other women.

The rest of her dream I’ll just copy and paste as she sent it. When you see the
**** symbols, that’s when she felt like automatic writing was coming through:

You didn't see me or Gerry at all. So Gerry comes up to me and he says this while gesturing to you- "You know, while I was courting her, I would often watch her as I am now when she was unaware that I was watching her and a huge smile would cross my face at the wonder of her enchantment". Then as he said that a huge, cheeky grin spread across his face and he looked at you with so much love in his eyes. I could tell that he loved you and cherished you VERY much. It was so sweet. He was just so incredibly enchanted by your personality and your presence. Oh yeah, he mentioned that he even loved your little "quirks", whatever that means, lol.

Anyhow, I woke up this morning with that dream fresh in my mind and I thought it was weird but really didn't think much of it because I know that you really love GB but what I thought was odd was that HE loved you in this dream and when he spoke and used the word "courting" I IMMEDIATELY put the 2 and 2 together and knew it was a message from Patrick. That Gerry was actually Patrick in the dream. We don't use the word "courting" anymore right? That would be something that someone from Patrick’s era would've said right? That's what got me, otherwise I would've just assumed it was silly dream. So I think that Patrick was confirming that he really is like Gerry and also wanted me to tell you the message that Gerry (Patrick) said about you in the dream.
**** That you were so different from him that it amused him and attracted him to you like no other. The traits that he once thought were odd about your personality and your ways, now enchanted him and he loved you the more for those "quirks" and personality traits that he found so different from himself. You were like a different species to him at first since the 2 of you were so different in your ways, that he thought it odd at first (that you were a bit odd) but he quickly fell in love with those traits and quirks and found you irresistible. Like a moth to a light. He wondered at your ways and never really did understand all your differences but that's what made him love you even more. You were absolutely irresistible to him and he loved you like no other. A wondrous creature you were. You bewitched him body, mind and soul. You were like no other he had ever seen or met before. **** Ok, now that was weird. THAT my dear, was some automatic writing there. The part where I said in the above paragraph- "That you were so different from him that it amused him....." That was from Patrick. I slipped into some automatic writing. And I know that because everytime I do automatic writing I don't realize it until it is over and when I stopped typing the above paragraph, I was like "What the heck just happened??" LOL Plus, those words were coming out sooooooooooooo fast and it was like I was actually FEELING everything that I was typing. Like I was him for a few minutes. So there ya go- there's a big message from Patrick for you. Actually 2- the dream and then the automatic writing I just did.

Readings, part 2

2011-08-29T19:25:00.006-05:00

So Funny

PS- When I woke up this morning, the name "Christine" was going over and over and over in my head. And then I thought of you and I said to myself, I have to email "Christine" back today. Now, how long have I known you? I KNOW your name is NOT "Christine" (LOL!) but for that little while, YOU were Christine in my mind. Then I heard "call her Christine- she will like that". Then I was STRONGLY (and I cannot stress that word enough) impressed with the information that Patrick sees you as "Christine". I thought for a second that maybe that was your name in your past life. Then it dawned on me that "Christine" is the character from the POTO!!!!!!! I almost crapped myself! I am NOT a big fan of POTO at all (sorry, lol) and I did NOT put the 2 and 2 together until later. And last night when I was telling Patrick that I think I am going to have to come down there and kick your behind for doubting (which he agreed to- lol), I said to him "What can I do to make her believe??". I said "there's GOT to be SOMETHING I can say or do to make her believe". Well I think we all know how much you love POTO so I think that was his way of getting you to believe. So what do you think about that one , eh? lol. Patrick sees you as his "Christine".

~*~*~*~*~*~

My Email:

But I was laughing with tears in my eyes when I read that about “Christine.” From the very first time I saw that movie, I sort of felt like Patrick/mine’s story was a bit like POTO. Near the beginning they show when Christine is a little girl, and she talks about how the Angel of Music was always there in her dreams, and how she felt his presence and how he was always there, protecting her. And well… I did see him when I was a little girl, and he was taking care of me – fixing the covers at the end of the bed.

Oh! After Mom read all that Patrick told you, she was talking about the “Christine” thing. She was really impressed with that. When she was in the middle of saying that she 100% agrees with Patrick when he told you that I would love being called “Christine”---- she halted on the stairs right then. She said she felt someone at her ear, and she heard Patrick whisper “Thank You.” She says it was said like in relief.

~*~*~*~*~*~

>>>But I was laughing with tears in my eyes when I read that about "Christine." Especially when you said that he told you – "Call her Christine. She will like that."

It was weird because I was so confused because that name was playing over and over in my head as soon as I woke up and I thought to myself, "Oh yeah, I can't forget to email Christine today" and I didn't think anything of it and then after a few minutes I realized, "Hey, wait a minute- her name is not Christine". LOL! And that's when everything else happened and I clued in. LOL! You gotta hand it to him- he's pretty imaginative! He probably thought- "If this doesn't get her, NOTHING will!" lol

>>>By the way—this is a little interesting. Remember how the name of Patrick's horse was possibly revealed to me in a dream night before last? (It was "Hooker," an Old English name). Well, last night Mom was looking at computer desks on the internet when one of the desks she was looking at went by the brand name "Hooker." LOL!

I have one word for you- CONFIRMATION! LOL! That was probably your confirmation that what you received in your dream is true! That's pretty cool! I love it when stuff like that happens!

Ok, before I say anything, Patrick has been with me all day and he wants me to tell you REALLY bad that he loves you. I keep hearing him saying "Did you tell her? Are you going to tell her?" over and over! LOL! So from Patrick- “I love you". Also, he has a bouquet of red roses that he wants to give to you, so look at the bottom of this email- I have attached something for you from him.

You Have GOT TO See This!

OMG! I do NOT believe what I am seeing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think i am going to PASS OUT!!!!!! I was just making some glitter images in Photoshop and when I went to browse for pictures, I saw the picture that I used to make your picture with (the castle and rainbow) and it was small (because it was just showing as a thumbnail) and when I looked at it small like that, I can see a MAN on the left hand side of the freaking picture!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried looking at the picture at the complete size and I couldn’t' see it very well but when I shrunk it down like it was in the thumbnails, I could see it again!!! So I am sending it to you with the man outlined in red!!!!!!!!!! And I swear on my life, my son's lives and my husbands lives, even Marcus' life, lol, that I did NOT alter that picture AT ALL. Hmmm.....................who do you think it looks like????????????????? ::::::thud::::: (that's me passing out- lol).

Like a kid at

Also, I really really really hope this doesn't sound rude or mean but can you possibly ask Patrick to come to me only when I ask him to? (like if you want to know something, I can call him to me). He is just is sooooooooo happy to be able to talk to you through someone (that someone being me, lol, which of course is very understandable) that it seems that he is here all the time the past few days wanting me to pass messages along to you and honestly, I love that I have been able to help you and Patrick out with everything but I just can't have him following me around all the time because as I said before, when there is a spirit around me, I tend to feel a bit anxious because I can sense their urge to want to communicate and it can get pretty distracting. I REALLY hope that doesn't sound mean or rude but I just would rather him come to me when I ask so that way I am prepared you know.

Email excerpt:

Anyhow, you wanted me to let you know if Patrick is still bugging me- no, he's not. He left me alone yesterday but I forgot to tell you that he wanted me to send you a picture of a white bunny rabbit. (this was when he wanted me to send you the roses too, I just forgot about the rabbit but it keeps popping into my head so I thought I'd better let you know). :)

Mom’s Cards / My Cards

In the car Mom also heard Patrick saying (to me) “M’Lady. M’Lady.” She says he said it over and over again. Lol! She said he has his own greeting for her, only she can’t hear it perfectly. It’s a different, longer form of address.

She also did a reading on Patrick. One of the cards was 5 of Cups, just like I got for him – in his PL I think. His cards were saying that being overly emotional isn’t helpful to him, and that he needed to let go of the past and focus on what remains. She said he is being VERY IMPATIENT and it’s like he’s in mourning right now. She said he was devastated that I left, and that all this communication with me that has been going on lately is like opening a door to a flood of emotions for him. It’s making it even harder for him to cope. I told her how surprising and sad that is, but she told me that he HAS to wade through it though, b/c it’s a growing process for him. She also said that he gets very frustrated with me sometimes, b/c I overanalyze. (Who, me?) She also said she tries to block him b/c she feels like I won’t believe anything she says.

But she said he’s devastated (Mom’s words, not mine) every time I incarnate and leave him behind. He hates when he “loses the connection.” She says he just doesn’t understand that his pages are filled, and mine are not. I HAD to come back, and maybe a lot of his own growth can’t happen unless I’m here and he’s there, ya know? She said he’s feeling a great sense of loss, but that he has no choice but to go through the emotions of this.

And isn’t this strange. A few times I’ll ask Patrick to let me know he’s around by the tarot cards I choose. Those times I’m not really interested in the meanings of the cards, but look for a PICTURE/SYMBOL on the card to jump out at me. A few times I’ve gotten Queen of Pentacles, which has a bunny rabbit and little pink flowers. (I just realized that this morning, about the little pink flowers echoing what you saw in your reading the other day with the bunny. The flowers are red in this picture below, but on my deck they are pink. And still, there is a bunny).

ps- I think you will find that you have psychic abilities too now. ;)

One card I kept getting yesterday was Page of Cups, which talked about psychic ability. Lol! (People are always telling me this, but that's not surprising considering how 'in tune' members of my family are with the spirit world - and they don't really embrace or show much interest in it either).

*****************

And I agree with your mom- I definitely think that Patrick communicates with you through dreams.

I think so, too. Remember how Mom said Patrick mentioned a loch/lake and that my aunt said he told her to tell me – “We know why we love lavender?” Well, I’ve had a few dreams where there’s a loch with mountains rising in the distance. And right below me, growing on the hillside, is lavender. I’ve had 2 or 3 dreams like that.

Sunflower Sign

I didn’t sleep at all that night, probably due to Starbucks Coffee again. I decided to take a quick stab at practicing the tarot cards – with some help from my cat whom was VERY curious about what I was doing. LOL! At first I tried just a general reading on Patrick. (No question really).

The first card was Knight of Swords (which Mom gets for me all the time), and that card had a WHITE HORSE on it, just like Patrick's horse. (My aunt pulled the sun card when she did her reading that time, and it had a white horse on it as well).

So later I asked about Patrick NOW, in present day:

I pulled the Queen of Wands first. I decided to study the symbols on the card before looking up the translation. Imagine my surprise when I saw the Queen holding A SUNFLOWER! Just like the sign you told Patrick to send me!

The Cards Match Again

Last night I did the cards on how he was feeling just then. I wanted to know if he was doing better or not. The cards last night weren’t saying he was happy as a clam, but they definitely said he was doing a lot better. It was speaking about a period of relaxation after great emotional turmoil.

So I asked Mom in the car TODAY how Patrick was feeling. She told me that he’s doing much better. When she said that, I was so glad. Not only for Patrick, but because my cards last night said that he was doing better. When I got home I did the cards again. I asked – “How is Patrick feeling today, emotionally and mentally?” The cards all echoed what Mom said. They were very positive. (Thank goodness b/c that 3 of swords card is so depressing). The cards I pulled were:

Ace of Cups: New stage in an existing relationship. Positive beginnings of an emotional nature.

King of Wands: You feel optimistic and capable of living your vision. You are overflowing with exciting ideas and are ready to go wherever your questioning spirit will take you. Provided you are able to deal with the practicalities involved (hehe. That made me laugh), you can now achieve a tremendous amount.

High Priestess: Developing on an inner level/Looking within and not outside yourself.

By the way, while picking up some lunch today Patrick showed Mom a black and white swan again. The swans were on a lake and their necks were interlocked, forming a heart shape.

Awwwww, how sweet is that???? You know i saw that exact same thing a while ago- I wonder if that was from Patrick for you? Hmm............. Oh by the way, I've been meaning to tell you this but I keep forgetting. I think Patrick shows up here every once in a while just for a split second (which I don't mind AT ALL by the way) and he is always referring to you as "My Christine". I will see him in my mind's eye and then I hear that.

LOL! I can't believe you got that card again! hehe. I'm not sure if this one refers to you or to him. Could be you or it could be that he was embracing the qualities of the Queen of Pentacles.

I never know if there’s a message with that card, or if it’s just his way of telling me that he’s around. (B/c of the bunny and pink flowers on the card). I don’t get it every time, but enough to take notice.

I Am Always With You

Patrick is here. (don't worry- he's not bothering me). He seems worried that you think he is not around. He wants to reassure you that he is ALWAYS with you. I knew he was here because I all of a sudden heard "CHRISTINE" really loudly. LOL! I really don't know why he keeps referring to you as Christine but anyhow.......He's not bothering me- so don't worry about that. He's just standing here impressing me with this information. He seems a bit sad that you think he may have left or is not around you the past couple days. He really wants you to know that he would never leave you ever- even for a second. He's always, always there. I think I ALMOST heard his voice too- and you were right- it does sound very deep. I just asked him if there was anything else he wanted me to tell you since he is here but I'm not getting anything else so I guess he just wanted to re-assure you that he is always around. I got the feeling from him that you may have been feeling a bit disappointed the past couple of days because you were wondering if he was still around. I also keep seeing this picture in my head of a scene with 2 swans in a little pond enclosed with big grey stones. And there is a castle in the background- a big castle made of grey stone and beside the little man-made pond with the swans in it, is a stone walkway leading towards the castle. I don't know if that is a message for you, but that is what I am seeing. The swans are both white though and there's 2 of them. Interesting. I get the feeling that it is HIS castle. It seems secluded- like there is no other homes or castles around. It's very pretty actually. I can see green grass here and there too. There's a black iron gate when you go down the stone path leading to the castle and there's flowers around the pathway and gate. I'm actually trying to get into this scene and walk around to see what I can see. The surroundings seem very quaint- not grand like you would think would be surrounding a castle. It looks very homey and cute actually. I got a glimpse of the inside of the castle and everything looked like it was made of the same grey stone (the walls, and floors). It doesn't look very homey inside though- looks large and spacey inside with lots of light coming in from the outside. It does look like it would be cold inside. I can see a large body of water way behind the castle- I am not sure if that is the ocean or a lake or something. There are roses intertwined around the black iron gate I mentioned before. Very pretty and quaint. The entrance into the castle looks to be a big wooden door. Look very solid and heavy. The pathway that leads to the castle slopes down- like the yard in front of the castle is higher up than the castle itself.

Ok, well anyhow, that was pretty cool. All that was as clear as day. I felt like I was actually there walking all around. That was very interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on that, to see if it might resemble any of the visions you've had.

**********

I do think he's fine now. He certainly isn't hanging around here, so maybe he's learning more about communicating. Either that, or he's resting. Lol!

Sure he's there- like I said above, I think he is just resting. OMG- this is too funny - as I was thinking about why you might not be feeling him around you and wondering if I am right in thinking that he is just resting, all of a sudden I heard on the TV "I am worn out!" .LOL!!! I was not listening to the TV at all but that phrase stuck out to me all of a sudden! LOL!

Patrick Here Again

Ok, Patrick is still here. I get the strong feeling that there is something else he wants me to tell you. I keep hearing that the swans were for you- everything was for you. That whole scene I described earlier- I keep hearing "It was all for her". I think he means he built that castle and everything there for you. It was all for you. He's feeling sad for some reason and I can't figure out why but I just keep sensing a sadness. I keep asking him what he wants me to tell you and I just keep hearing "That I love her". I just saw a diamond engagement ring and I think I heard that you 2 were supposed to be married in your PL. The courts wouldn't allow it. His position was too high. He was called "to duty". I think the 2 of you planned to run away together. I keep seeing a picture of you alone in the castle I described earlier looking very sad and lonely. Like you are waiting for him to come back or something. I don't think he ever returned or if he did it was years later. There's something about Easter that is important I think because I keep seeing all kinds of things related to Easter. I have no idea what that might be. You will forever be his true love. He loves you more than life itself. I also saw a white persian cat with you in the castle, when I saw you alone and sad. I think he also said that the name you received for his horse, was correct because I saw a white horse in my mind's eye and then heard the word "Hooker". He also just said that he is waiting for you. I just asked him what his position was in that life and I heard "King-something", like "Kingsman". I have no idea what that is and I could be hearing it wrong.

(UPDATE July 07: I think she was hearing "KINSMAN." That took me an entire year to figure out.)

He’s Still Here

Ok, Patrick is still here. I was wondering why he is not leaving but I know why now. I keep feeling the STRONG urge to write. He is trying to get me to do automatic writing so I can give you that poem or some kind of letter from him. Well, I can't do that right now because I am very busy- I need to get my boys bathed, etc, etc. So I told him to go back to you. I hope he listens this time! LOL!

******

He seems a bit sad that you think he may have left or is not around you the past couple days. He really wants you to know that he would never leave you ever- even for a second. He's always, always there.

Well, I did get 3 of Swords (such a depressing card with those 3 swords thrust into that red heart) for him again last night. Also 4 of Cups, which said he felt stuck in a rut but didn’t have the energy to break free. And isn’t this interesting? It mentioned “Longing for something – OR SOMEONE – that is UNAVAILABLE.” The rest said this:

You may be feeling below par or out of sorts, particularly where relationships are concerned; you may even feel resentful, unloved, or be nursing a grudge. This period may seem like an anticlimax after an emotional high point. There is a chance of emotional growth, but you need to be willing to move forward and not remain entrenched in an outworn pattern of thinking.

*******

He was called "to duty". I think the 2 of you planned to run away together. I keep seeing a picture of you alone in the castle I described earlier looking very sad and lonely. Like you are waiting for him to come back or something. I don't think he ever returned or if he did it was years later.

And in that PL tarot spread I did about myself, the last card was The Hermit, which talked about “trusting that things will change when the time is right.” That echoes what Patrick showed you above. That I was awaiting his return.

I also saw a white persian cat with you in the castle, when I saw you alone and sad.

My reply -

Oh boy. It didn’t dawn on me until just now that in my first novel the main character’s cat is a white fluffy cat. Lol! (Which would be a persian). OMG. How funny. I can’t believe it took so long for me to realize that.

UPDATE: I also just realized there's a sentence in my second book (sequel) which mirrors the castle/lonely aspect. Here's that sentence from Chapter 13 - “Those castles you’re speaking of can be drafty, lonely places filled with echoes of nothing save your own voice and your own footsteps.”

Your Mom & Patrick

Could you do me a favour and ask your mom to try to contact Patrick to find out what he wants? Because he is still hanging around me very strongly and he's pretty anxious and upset about something and I don't know what it is. I couldn't even read your emails because as soon as I opened them to read them, Patrick was here so strongly that my vision actually started to go on me and everything went blurry. There must be something urgent he wants to tell you because he won't go. I told him that I will ask you to ask your mom if she will communicate with him because I can't get anything done with him being like this around me. Let me know if your mom will try to communicate with him so I can tell him.

He’s Sorry

Well Patrick did leave yesterday after I emailed you asking if you would ask your mom to find out what was so important that he wanted to tell you. Well he's been with me all morning and I tried to go about my daily activities but well, you know how hard it is for me to ignore spirits so I finally connected with him and he just wanted to say that he's sorry. I also heard him say "I am a man of my word". So I told him that I would let you know.

I'll read your other emails shortly and respond. I couldn't read them yesterday because as soon as I opened them I felt Patrick around me sooooooo strongly that my vision actually went blurry and I couldn't read a word of your emails. So I should have better luck with that today! LOL!

I Heard His Voice

My email

-I’m pretty darn sure I heard Patrick’s voice. I heard it inside my head. (That makes me sound loopy). I was turning off the computer when I heard “Kristin.” It was said kind of quickly. I ignored it, but then I heard it again - “Kristin.” Then I whispered to myself that if I heard it one more time, then I would think that it was Patrick. Two or three seconds passed, and I heard it again – “Kristin.”

His voice wasn’t as deep as I thought it was. I’ve heard 2 men’s voices when half-awake/asleep a few times over the years. One of them was VERY deep. I always just assumed that was Patrick, especially since my aunt said Patrick’s voice was so deep. But to me, the voice I heard last night sounded a lot like the voice I got on my evp a few years ago that said – “I miss you, M’lady. My Becky.” (Which I do believe was Patrick since that was the only time I specifically asked a particular spirit to leave an evp). There was an echo in that evp, and the other night it sort of sounded like an echo as well. Well, it was more like hearing someone calling your name from inside a tunnel. (Is that how it happens? I’m new to this, I have to admit). That’s the best way I can describe it. Like a voice inside a tunnel; my cranium being the said tunnel. Lol! It also sounded a lot like the man’s voice I heard YEARS ago, which was probably around the time I had my first vision of that PL. But that particular voice I heard clear as a bell when I was falling asleep. It said – “Just a little get-together Kristin, okay?” (Whatever the heck that means. Lol!)

But anyway, I was just turning off the computer to go to bed when I heard him say my name. It’s also a little strange that for a couple weeks now I’ve said that I’d love to hear Patrick’s voice.

Of course, after 15 minutes or so passed it felt like it never even happened. I just wish it would happen again – and soon. I know I didn’t imagine it. I just hope it can’t be logically explained away – like a noise coming from outside. I don’t think that was it, but I can’t help analyzing. I wish I looked at the clock before I turned off the computer. I know it was around 10 pm. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I heard that voice around 10:20, 10:22, etc. (I am STILL seeing those 1’s and 2’s on the clocks).

I remembered something else that I believe Patrick showed me. It was at the same time I saw the purple flowers and white horse (not all together of course, but one right after the other). It was a picture of 2 gold wedding rings intertwined. So I think your mom's AW was a lot more accurate than I thought. I know I said I did not get the feeling that the 2 of you were ever married but now I am definitely thinking otherwise. Why else would he show me 2 gold wedding bands intertwined? And in your mom's AW, didn't Patrick say that you WERE married?

Ok, next. For the last 2 days I have been hearing the word "Tobin" in my mind very loud and clear and it just pops in there all of a sudden. So I looked up the word Tobin and look what I found-

My GUESS on this would be that Patrick was trying to tell me you were Irish and that was your clan name or crest. Could be wrong but I am trying to go with my first gut instinct here and that is what it is telling me. You DID have red hair which is a trait of Irish people but then again anyone could have red hair.

*******

Tobin is definitely an Irish name. And to be honest I actually prefer being Irish than French back then. Lol! I'm not into anything French in this life, but I have always loved the Irish accents. I've actually often wished that I had an Irish accent and oftentimes I have to force myself not to create any Irish characters in my stories. Lol! Especially with the women. I must admit that I've always been much more drawn to Ireland than France. I don't have any passion at all for France in this life, and they do say our passions in this life often stem from our past lives. So that alone tells me that me being Irish is the most plausible. I'm definitely leaning more towards the Irish possibility.

Well that tells me right there that you probably were Irish then because like you said- we are always drawn to places that we have lived previous lives. And plus you wishing you had an Irish accent is another good clue too. Sounds like you are very drawn to Ireland so I would definitely say that you were Irish.

~ Stop, Phantom! ~

2011-08-28T22:32:00.002-05:00

This is just too awesome for words. I mean really, really AWESOME! Dad came home for Christmas yesterday, and today he and Mom were walking through the mall. When they passed Carlton Cards (a store my mother never so much as glances at), she heard a male’s voice. She said it was a male voice which said very QUICKLY and very URGENTLY, “Stop!! Phantom!!”

Mom immediately stopped in her tracks, grabbed my Dad’s arm and told him she had to go inside that store. (She didn’t want Dad to think she was crazy, so she didn’t tell him just why she wanted to go in). Well, she walked into the store and guess what her eyes fell upon...

A PHANTOM OF THE OPERA Christmas ornament/music box. (I am obsessed with that movie. Patrick must know this - hence his referring to me, via my friend, as "Christine" and now the POTO Christmas ornament he led Mom to today).

So now I have even further proof that Patrick is really good at impressing things upon people. Though this was more than that, as Mom heard his voice this time.

I also just noticed that the day Mom heard him yell “Stop!! Phantom!!” was December 21st; 12-21.

So there are those numbers again.

~ Random Coincidences / Signs ~

2011-08-27T00:15:00.012-05:00

More coincidences are listed in other blog entries, especially with the dreams, so I’ll not include them here. These are all older blog entries, mainly from email excerpts:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Communicating From Beyond is Hard Work!

- I joked to my friend, after a reading she did, that Patrick is probably resting now. Right after she read that in her email, she heard on the TV - "I am worn out!"

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10-21-11

I just took a little quiz this morning titled "What Forest Animal Are You?"

Can ya guess what my result was? How about....

YOU ARE A RABBIT

You tend to be a worrier. You especially spend a lot of time worrying for others.
You are both practical and courageous. You are willing to act boldly when it really matters.

You are shy and self-conscious. Even if you feel strongly, you will hold back in expressing your opinion.
You face your responsibilities with a positive attitude - and you always get things done.

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Swans & Stars & Music Boxes

- My mother has said that Patrick kept showing her swans. Black and white swans. She said that in our past life we had a secret rendezvous point at a loch. She said it was a pretty spot with black and white swans, and some craggy mountain was reflected in the water there.

A few days later Patrick showed her a black and white swan again. The swans were on a lake and their necks were interlocked, forming a heart shape.

And then... Patrick showed my friend white swans, and then days later she was on some message board where they have a game called “Find the picture.” When it was her turn, she said “Find me a picture of a music box.” The picture they came back with was a picture of a music box with 2 SWANS on the top, with their necks together forming a heart. (Just like what my mother saw). I guess that was his way of validating everything.

- Someone on the internet posted a picture of Beaumaris Castle in Wales that I’ve fallen in love with. I was always looking at this one picture with swans swimming in the moat. (This was long before my mother and friend said Patrick was showing them swans, too). So maybe there’s a deeper reason why I’m so fascinated with that picture? Am I – subconsciously – remembering the swans? Also, the color of the stones of Beaumaris castle is the same as the stone from the castle ruins in that one dream which I had. It’s also the same color stone Patrick showed Mom.

- One of two surnames I’ve been deliberating giving my character (in a story I want to write that’s loosely based on Patrick) was SWAN.

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Victory!

- On one of my friend’s readings, Patrick yelled “Victory!” (Like a battle cry or something). We never did figure out what he meant.

- The next day I was lying out in the sun, reading a novel followed by my tarot book which I was just starting to familiarize myself with. I took a break, and after a while the top card to my tarot deck blew into the yard. I decided to go ahead and look up it’s meaning. It mentioned that the 6 of Wands was the VICTORY card.

How’s that for a coincidence?! Out of 78 cards in that deck, the top one “just happened” to blow out into the yard and it “just happened” to be the VICTORY card.

- My friend later discovered that one of her neighbors rides a motorcycle, and the back of his jacket has in big letters, the word "VICTORY.”

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If Ever I Would Leave You

Last night, after watching some of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, I said – more to myself than him – the same thing I wrote in that silly poem back in High School. (The one which I wrote NOT having Patrick in mind at all, even though there was a 'ghost' involved. Looking back, I think it was about him, only subconsciously). Anyway, I said that IF he really is for me he’d better not ever leave me. (Like the Captain did to Lucy in the movie).

Well, today I read on a forum that some Scottish musician was supposed to be on Austin City Limits tonight. I kept switching to PBS, hoping to see him on there. During one of these switching channel sessions, they were airing an infomercial for oldies music cd’s. They showed a video of Robert Goulet singing “If Ever I Would Leave You,” from Camelot.

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At The Bookstore
12-12-07

After a few days deliberation, I finally broke down today to buy “Tapestry.” (It’s a book of short stories by several authors; one of which is “Into The Dreaming” by KMM which I LOVE and have already read. There are a lot of Patrick similarities in that story). When I didn’t originally find it, I decided to just buy this other book. So far I’ve only read 2 Katie MacAlister books and only one of them did I fall in love with. I decided to give this one a chance just b/c I couldn’t find “Tapestry.”

Well, at the front desk I asked them to please look up “Tapestry” for me. The lady kind of laughed b/c a co-worker HAD JUST told her about the audiobook for Tapestry. (I had heard them talking about an audiobook earlier, but wasn’t paying much attention as I was looking for the same book). The lady was told about the audiobook they had of it, and replied that she’d never heard of it. Then I show up at the counter asking about it. Lol!

- I thought it kind of strange that the cover of the Katie MacAlister book (which I also broke down and bought) is similar to that recurring dream I had of Patrick years and years ago. The “Space dream” I call it. In that dream Patrick is posed almost exactly like the guy on the cover of this book. He was staring straight ahead - and very seriously - holding a sword high above his head with both hands.

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PhotoShop Brushes

(Click on Thumbnail)

While looking for PhotoShop Brushes online I came across the picture above. I brushed it off originally, but Mom has convinced me to give it a chance.

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I asked my sister if she received any feelings as to the name of an agent I might have in the future, or an assistant who will have a hand in getting my manuscript noticed by an agent. Her reply was "Rachel," but before that my little niece chimed in with "Becky." Lol!

And my niece knows absolutely nothing about the whole Patrick/Becky ordeal in the slightest. She's only eleven-years-old and so far doesn't believe in this stuff. I thought her answer very interesting and pretty funny. A nice surprise for sure!

Update 7-3-08: Yesterday I received an email from an agency. I emailed a different agent there, but the junior agent is the one that replied, asking to see my full ms. I just wonder if this "Becky" my niece mentioned is this "Becca" person? Also, my sister mentioned "Rachel," and it turns out there are 2 Rachel's there. For about a year I've had the feeling something agent-related would happen around the 4th of July; two dreams I had. I guess this was it. It doesn't mean they'll say yes, but it's another request at least.

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It‘s a virtue, they say?
11-12-08

I had a really bad night last night. I was very upset over a rejection, feeling like I'll never find a literary agent that wants to represent me. I'm been at this a long time now, and have run out of agencies to query. I'm seriously beginning to feel like Patrick - no one for that matter - isn't helping me. I feel all alone and abandoned here.

All anger and feeling sorry for myself aside… all day I've researched agents, but at one point decided to click on someone's blog. After that, I clicked on another blog in their side bar. That's when I saw a picture that struck a chord. I don't know if it's a sign, but after that possible "Hang in There" sign from a while back, I'm giving it a chance.

The picture I’ll post below, but first the backstory:

There's a meditation that I try sometimes before going to sleep. (It's setting is on a stretch of beach. You imagine your twin handing you a stick, and in the sand you write a desire/request for the Universe to send you). In this meditation I always envision Patrick helping me find the right agent for our book. Perhaps he's asking me - again - to be patient? If so, does he have ANY idea how difficult that is for me?

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Impressing Once Again

Friends email -

This is funny- I have to tell you this. Last night I was lying on my bed waiting for my son to get himself in bed so I could go in and say good-night to him and my eyes drifted over to one of the music boxes that I have in my room. I was looking at it and then all of a sudden out of the blue "somebody" impressed me with the strong idea to record the music box playing and to send it to you so you could hear it! LOL! I just remember thinking that it was such a logical thing to do at that very second and that I should turn it on and record it on the computer and send it to you so you could hear it. LOL! Then I realized what I was thinking and I couldn't stop laughing. I know that was Patrick trying to impress me to do that because he knows that you want him to play that music box so bad. LOL! Like I said, I was just lying there looking at it and then that idea just "popped" into my head out of nowhere and at that very instant I thought it was the best idea ever! LOL! Then when I realized what was happening I couldn't stop laughing and realized how stupid it was. LOL! So Patrick seems determined to get you to hear that music box playing! LOL! Just thought I would tell you that.

~*~*~*~*~

I am pretty sure he meant it was a gift to you in your past life. Meaning, in that life, he built all that for you. Does that make sense?

My reply -

Mom said that makes sense. I believe it. I just can’t understand how he could have pulled it off if he and I were never together, especially if he was married to someone else. Or… he could have built it for me at a time when he was alone again. Sort of like that movie “The Notebook.” He built that house for her, hoping that just his action of building the place would help her to find him again.

(Note: The next morning, guess what was on tv. That’s right, “The Notebook.” And it was on the part where Ally comes to him after the house is built. And in this movie it mentioned how she waited for him for 7 years).
Also, weeks later it dawned on me that he could have said he built that place for himself, and it would have been normal for someone of his station to have staff there all the time. Maybe he appointed me chatelaine there.

I saw YOU in that castle all by yourself remember? You were waiting for HIM to return. That was when I saw you with the white fluffy persian cat at your feet. You looked very sad and lonely. I think that he had that place built for you, kind of like how a king would secretly build a home for his mistress (not saying you were a "mistress" to him though- just using that as an example). I don't think HE actually built it himself but I'm sure he made sure that it was built for you exactly the way you would like it. And I do think you were together for a while but then he was either called to duty or something else happened that took him away from you. Remember when Patrick was here last week-end and I mentioned that he was "called to duty" and you were left waiting for him to return and either he never did return or it was years later? That place that I described I feel was your home that he built for you (well, he had someone build for you - I doubt that he was a "builder". lol). And it WAS secluded and remember how I said that I got the distinct impression that the 2 of you had to keep your relationship a secret? Well maybe that was where the 2 of you would meet in secret. Makes sense- the place was secluded so no one would be around to see the 2 of you together. HOLY CRAP! Wait a minute! Something just popped into my head!!! Remember you said you had that dream of the 2 of you where you were in a cabin or something and then Patrick burst through the door and you felt like you had the feeling like you were anticipating him coming in? I just realized that could've been a memory from a past life or Patrick showing you what happened in your past life when he finally returned!! And I remember you saying that you were both thinking "to hell with what everyone else thinks- we will be together if we want to be". That all makes perfect sense to me now! I hope I explained that all right- I was typing so fast I could barely keep up! LOL!

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Numbers 1 and 2 on the Clock

- All year I’ve been seeing 1’s and 2’s on the clock. I see them CONSTANTLY!!!!! I’ve been told that those are soulmate numbers. That they mean you “are one with your soulmate.” I’m guessing that if Patrick and I are soulmates, then that conjecture might be correct as I haven’t been noticing those numbers until all this communicating started happening so much over this past year.

- After typing a post about Patrick on a site I frequent, I hit the ‘reply’ button. After I did that, the telephone started dialing the numbers 222222222 straight out of the blue. This happened years ago, and ever since then I’ve been seeing those 1’s and 2’s. I’m now wondering if the phone dialing all those 2’s was Patrick’s doing as well? I'm not completely sold on that, but I guess ya never know.

Just read this about that pattern:
222 – “Your newly planted ideas are beginning to grow into reality. Keep watering and nurturing them, and soon they will push through the soil so you can see the evidence of your manifestation. In other words, don't quit five minutes before the miracle. Your manifestation is soon going to be evident to you, so keep up the good work! Keep holding positive thoughts, keep affirming, and continue visualizing.”

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He soooo loves attention

(Click on Thumbnails)

This is an email I sent -
I was talking to Mom and Dad in the garage when our neighbors came over. Our garage was packed and after a few minutes I went inside to get another cola. The second I was back inside the house, I said out loud to myself that I just HAD to be looking like crap on the day we had visitors. Well, the second after I said that I heard this CONSTANT noise. I thought it was coming from upstairs. It sounded like my cat batting at something continuously. It was a very insistent sound. It just kept going on and on. It sounded EXACTLY like the drawer handle to a dresser banging against the drawer. But only MY dresser has handles like that, and that dresser is inside my walk-in closet. I KNEW that wasn’t it, and I quickly realized it wasn’t the cat b/c I spotted her in the living room. I heard that clanging for about 5 long seconds, and then it stopped. A few seconds later it started up again, just as insistent. After that I didn’t hear it again. I went back out in the garage and told my parents about it.

Well, Mom was growing tired of working on her stained glass, so we went inside. Mom was going to teach me how to burn a cd on the computer. After the cd was finished, I went to my room to get my stereo out of my armoire. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the source of that clanging sound I kept hearing earlier was from the hanging knob of MY ARMOIRE... THE SAME ARMOIRE I GOT THOSE PICTURES OF THOSE MOVING ORBS IN FRONT OF. I just know that was him. I know it. I know I heard something… something insistent... but it stopped when I went upstairs. (He probably didn’t want to spook me?)

- After a while, the experience above made me wonder if Patrick really was the spirit I felt in my room so thickly that one time. I mean, I was really freaked out about it because I never feel presences around me. And those orb pictures showed up the same day that I felt the presence. It was so strong that I wasn’t even comfortable retrieving something out of my desk drawer for two seconds. I slept in the guestroom for at least 2 weeks!

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A Funny One!

- Okay, this is HILARIOUS and creepy so be prepared. Patrick told Mom he had 6 toes on one foot! (Now THAT did NOT come from my mother). He said it was “a matter of great concern” and that they didn’t know if it was "a good or bad omen." (Which makes sense for the times. People were extremely superstitious back then. I mean, if a baby had a strange birthmark, they’d say it was from the devil). Anyway, Patrick then laughed and said that they decided to keep it. Lol! Mom also said his extra toe creeped me out. And umm... I think it still does.

Continue reading:

This coincidence just about takes the cake. It even had Mom laughing. This is what I read today in Janet Chapman’s “Tempting the Highlander.” In this part of the story, a lady and her children (in modern times) find a man dressed in plaid and carrying a sword, unconscious and bleeding in the woods:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“This guy is dressed like an ancient warrior. Maybe there’s a Scottish festival going on.”

“Here’s the towel, Mommy. What’s the socks for?” Catherine took the towel from Nora, placed it under the plaid, and slid his belt down to hold it over the wound.

“He’s in shock, sweetie, and his body temperature is dropping. Here,” she said, handing one pair of socks to Nathan. “Put these on his feet.” She carefully pried the sword from the man’s left hand, slipped one of the socks over his fist, then slipped the other one over his right hand.

“He’s got six toes!” Nathan blurted, stepping back. “On both feet!”

Catherine snapped her gaze to the man’s feet. His toes did look rather crowded. She looked up and gave Nathan a reassuring smile. “I’ve heard of people having six toes.”

“Is he a monster?” Nora whispered, hugging the pine tree again. “He’s awful hairy, and he’s real big and scary-looking.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I guess reading the above passage in my book was confirmation about Mom's reading. I was so not expecting that. What are the odds of reading about a Highlander with SIX TOES?!

And also, the little girl mentioned that he was big and scary-looking. That was how Patrick looked to my friend the first time she contacted him. She said that he had a gentle spirit, but that his outward appearance was the exact opposite; very fierce.

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The Ancient Celts

I've always been told that Patrick was a big guy, and in at least 2 of my dreams I would have to agree. Very muscular. (Which surprises me concerning the time period). Well, it looks like the Celts were pretty well-known for that. (Also their love for fighting. Remember how TERRIFIED I was in that tent dream?) Also, I have always said that Patrick’s hair wasn’t really blonde, but YELLOW and look at what Mom found on the internet about The Ancient Celts. His hair looked YELLOW b/c not only was he a natural blond, but he probably chemically treated it; probably with something like horse urine b/c it has ammonia in it – BLECH! Here’s what Mom read:

- The ancient writers dwelt upon the terrifying effect an army of Celts had on their opponents; their great stature, their wild cries, their gesticulations and prancings, the clashing of arms and blowing of trumpets - all combined to terrify and confuse the enemy. As long as these demonstrations of enthusiasm and bravado struck terror into the foe, the Celts would drive all before them. 'For they were always most formidable while they were fresh.' The whole race is war-mad, says Strabo, high-spirited and quick to fight, but otherwise straightforward and not at all of evil character. (And remember how in my tent dream I was convinced he was EVIL, even though in real life I know he isn't that way AT ALL).

- To the Romans the Celts presented a terrifying sight because of their tall stature and their strange appearance. They were in many respects different from Mediterranean peoples. The Celts were by far the tallest race in the world, noticeable also for their white skin and fair hair. Although the Romans had heard about the barbarian Celts, they first encountered them as warriors, and it was in battle that their enormous size and strange appearance first struck them. The Celtic chiefs who advanced to challenge their opposing Roman leader to single combat were men of great physique, 'of stature greater than human'; the story of the fight between Britomartus and Marcellus can be compared to that between Goliath and David. The triumphal procession awarded to Marcellus was said to be most remarkable for the riches of the spoils and the gigantic size of the prisoners. Diodorus Siculus describes the Celts at some length: 'the Gauls are tall of body, with skin moist and white; their hair is blond not only by nature but also because they practise to increase artificially the peculiar nature of their colouring.

- An outstanding characteristic of the Celtic people was their love of decoration and ornament. 'They collect a great quantity of gold and use it for decoration, not only the women but also the men. For they wear bracelets on the wrists and arms, necklaces of solid gold, rings of great worth and even gold corslets' (body armour for the upper part of the torso).

- When the joints of meat were served, the chief or hero took the thigh piece. But if someone else claimed it, they joined in single combat to the death. Frequently they used some chance circumstance to start an argument and then a fight during dinner. They indulged in sham fights and practice feints and they would end up either wounding or even killing their opponent. This love of quarrelling and fighting even at a table was made all the easier, says Polybius, because they usually ate too much and drank too much.

- Overall we may safely say that the general impression from all sources of evidence designates the Celtic aristocratic society as being tall, physically powerful men and women with fair or reddish hair, grey-blue eyes, light skins, oval faces, and fresh complexions.

- The Celts were a very clean people, using soap long before the Romans did.

- Children took their mother's name and daughters inherited her possessions. Virginity was not highly valued; twice the dowry was given for a woman previously married or with children. Abortion and choice or change of mate was a woman's right.

Mom also read that they were greatly into nature. (Like you said about Patrick planting those roses for me. I also find it odd that I put something similar in one of my books; planting the roses).

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- The same night I heard Patrick's voice, I put in one of my James Van Praagh videos. I find it odd that out of the 4 or 5 tapes I set out over the weekend, the one I chose to watch was the one where they had a short segment on Automatic Handwriting. (Mom had just done an AW from Patrick for me, or said she would do one soon. I can’t recall now). That part came on just before Mom was about to go to bed, too.

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The following are email excerpts about a reading on Patrick, where he mentioned to Mom having a place built for me. We were just brainstorming ideas back and forth, so take what is written with a grain of salt. They're just theories:

My friends email -
I am pretty sure he meant it was a gift to you in your past life. Meaning, in that life, he built all that for you. Does that make sense?

My reply -
Mom said that makes sense. I believe it. I just can’t understand how he could have pulled it off if he and I were never together, especially if he was married to someone else. Or… he could have built it for me at a time when he was alone again. Sort of like that movie “The Notebook.” He built that house for her, hoping that just his action of building the place would help her to find him again.

Note: The next morning, guess what was on tv. That’s right, “The Notebook.” And it was on the exact scene of the movie where Ally comes to him after the house is built. And in this movie it mentioned how she waited for him for 7 years. (Yet another coincidence with a reading done on him).

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Cameo

Friend's email excerpt -
I was just outside on the deck having a smoke thinking that I was going to email you when I came back in and I closed my eyes for a couple seconds and I all of a sudden saw a piece of jewelry or a brooch with a Cameo on it. I'm not sure if that is a message for you or not but I thought I'd tell you anyhow. Does that mean anything to you?

My reply -
I love cameos and have quite a few, but never really wear them anymore. But… the day my brother got married I wore my cameo ring again. Maybe that was Patrick’s way of letting me know that he was there at the wedding, too?

Her reply -
It wasn't a ring, I don't think. It looked more like a large brooch with fancy gold trim around the edges of it. BUT- that may not be literal. It could just represent that you love cameos, not that you have that exact one.

My reply -
That’s what I think. Also, until recently, my desktop wallpaper was this POTO picture with a cameo. So not only do I have cameo jewelry, but until last week the above picture was on my desktop. I was even telling Mom just the other day about how so many times at school, the kids always said that they had never heard of or even seen cameos before then. Lol!

Her reply -
Ok, OMG! That Cameo is IDENTICAL to the Cameo I saw yesterday!!!!!! The orange on the inside, the gold around the edges and the white cameo- THAT IS IT!!!!! The only small difference is that the one I saw , the gold around it looked a tiny bit different but like I said, I only saw it for a split second and I got distracted. I definitely remember the orange on it! And I remember that it was lying on something too like in that picture! Maybe Patrick is telling you that he noticed? Or maybe he wants you to put it back! LOL! That is too cool! I almost dropped to the floor when I saw that picture. I'm so glad you sent it to me- that is definitely what I saw! Oh also, this is odd but as I was just looking at that picture, I noticed it said "Erik and Christine". I totally forgot that his name was Erik but I have been seeing that name EVERYWHERE for the past week or so and I have been wondering if it is a message for me but now that I remember that the phantom's name is Erik I think it is a message for you. I mean I have been seeing that name so often lately that it was starting to drive me nuts. lol. I think I know why now!

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Roosters?!

Friend’s email to me -
By the way, when I was looking for something to get your mom to include in the package, I came across these plates that you hang on the wall and they had roosters on them. (I wasn't thinking of getting them for your mom- I just happened to see them) and they caught my attention because I was also looking for something to put on a bare spot in my kitchen and so I decided that I absolutely loved those plates so I bought 2 of them.

Well when I got home I realized that I hate roosters. lol. So now I have 2 plates hanging on the wall with roosters on them. Anyhow, the point of this is that I later thought that maybe your mom likes roosters and that's why I felt compelled to buy them? I don't know but something did because I never would've bought those on my own. I can't stand roosters but I freaking bought not one but TWO of the stupid things and now they are on my kitchen wall. lol. Oh and when I was shopping for things to put in your package, I did feel like there was a presence with me helping me pick things out, so maybe it was Patrick.

My reply -
Oh my God.
Mom and I are ALWAYS making a joke about roosters in kitchens. My brother HATES them and he is always telling us that we have too many roosters in our kitchen. (We only have one fancy glass ‘window’ picture with a rooster, a little canister and a fancy iron pot rack with roosters… and to my brother that’s extreme. Lol!) So whenever Mom and I are at the store and we see statues of roosters, etc. we always say we’re going to buy it just to tick my brother off. I think that’s so funny.

Maybe Patrick impressed you with that. You did say he’s really good at impressing things upon people. Sort of like mind control. (Reminds me of the Phantom. Lol!)

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January 31, 2007

This is a weird (I guess) coincidence. I copied and pasted passages from The Princess Bride novel on my MySpace page yesterday, and what were my results on a quiz today but --

YOUR LOVE QUOTE
"Death cannot stop true love.
All it can do is delay it for a while."

I’m sure this isn’t the case, but I like to think it’s a message from Patrick. I’ve been feeling frustrated with him lately for not letting me know he’s around via dreams, taps on the walls, turning off my fan, etc.

Of course, it may be just a coincidence. I DO believe that not all coincidences are messages.

Note: A couple days later guess what movie aired twice in a row on tv.

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Remembrance

Another friend and I were discussing past lives (not in depth), and the next day she started reading another book of hers b/c the audio book she wanted to listen to on her way to work she didn’t have. So she picked up “Remembrance” by Jude Devereaux. She asked if I’d ever read it and said she thought it a little strange that it was about a past life.

It just so turns out that I bought the book a long time ago but hadn’t read it yet. I read the blurb on the back and laughed. It said the heroine is a writer who can't stop thinking about a hero she created for one of her books, and it turns out her "made up" hero is someone who really exists. He's her soulmate from a past life.

And well... my latest book I'm writing right now is inspired and loosely based on Patrick, whom I'm pretty sure is my twin flame/soulmate. Also, the heroine in my book thinks she made up the man that's been in her dreams since her childhood. So that echoes that "Remembrance" book as well. It’s also funny that the female lead in my book has the exact same last name as Jude Deveraux.

I think Patrick was communicating to me through her again. He does this when I'm not listening to him, I think. I analyze everything to their eventual deaths and don't believe in signs as readily as most people, so I think he understands that the only thing I really DO take notice of are coincidences and synchronicities. That "Remembrance" book coupled with my own "Remember Me" coincidences lately (dreams, etc) are just one example of that. And I often run into signs through the books I read. It's happened with at least 3 or 4 books so far.

By the way... the book I'm currently reading is "A Garden in the Rain" by Lynn Kurland. Turns out the hero's name is Patrick. Also, this book is the sequel to one about his older brother, Jamie, which I've already read. That book was one of the stories that had a few signs/coincidences for me. And in the one I'm reading now, Jamie is obsessed with self-help psychology books. And well... in the book I'm writing right now the heroine's best friend DOES THE SAME THING! Her husband is a psychiatrist, so she's always nosing through his psychology textbooks trying to digest everything she can. She thinks she's an expert because of it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heard his voice for the 2nd time:

While reading "Remembrance" in my room, I heard a man's voice. It said "Becky... Becky." (Guess my name really was Becky, like my sister and aunt said). It sounded almost electronic. I don't know how to describe it.

The timing was really strange, I thought. I thought it strange because I'd just read a small mention about rabbits... which Patrick has brought up a couple times...and being rescued from dragons... just like a little 'fairytale' snippet I put in the book I'm writing now. I especially thought it weird that the book I happened to be reading when I hear Patrick's voice was that "Remembrance" book.

Then I remembered how I'd recently told Patrick that I would like it if he'd start talking to me. Lol! I guess he was listening after all.

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Patricia?

Last week another friend of mine mentioned in an email that she had her first dream about a ghost. She said in this dream she was talking to a ghost named “Patricia” at her friend’s old house. Then, when driving, the ghost was in the backseat of her car talking to her. They were just chatting back and forth as she drove.

Well I thought that really weird because just the day before, when Mom and I were driving home, I asked her if she ever thinks spirits ever hang out with us when we go driving someplace. Like if they’re in the backseat listening to us while we’re chatting back and forth.

So I think her dream matching my question to Mom was my answer. I also find it a little odd that the ghost in her dream was PATRICia, which is awfully close to PATRICk.

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I’ve been perusing a Writer’s Board lately and have stumbled upon a couple coincidences that are interesting:

- There’s a character in my new story whom I was having a lot of trouble getting to “know,” but what I did know was that he had a classic, Jimmy Stewart-like quality about him. Well, on this writers board there’s a thread where they’re talking about Jimmy Stewart and his movies.

- There’s a scene in my book where “All out of Love” by Air Supply is mentioned. But I’ve been a little upset lately because I discovered that I can’t use lyrics from any songs in my novel. Well, on this writers board there was a thread about what your favorite song lyrics are. The person that posted directly after me only typed “I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you.” Lol!

I’m also ALWAYS hearing that commercial on tv where they’re playing that song. The first time I heard that commercial was the day I put that song in my book. Right after I mentioned that song to my mother that evening, that “All out of Love” commercial came on the television.

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France:
(This happened the same week as the coincidences mentioned above)

A friend emailed me, and she kept bringing up French dialogue. Just a line here and there. She said she didn’t know WHY she was doing that either, as her French was rusty because she hadn’t spoken it since High School. But her speaking French and “not knowing why” made sense to me. Lol! (This is the same person I mentioned before who had that dream about speaking with a ghost in the car. Her dream answered a question that I had been wondering about just the day before, regarding Patrick. She’s also the one I mentioned in the “Remembrance” post).

Part of my email reply to her is below:

Email:
- Last night I discovered that my main character's last name is not English as I thought, but French. So last night I was looking up English surnames, then changed those passages in my story. But THEN I stumbled on another site which said "Deveraux" IS English, so I changed everything back.

But today it bugged me that most of the sites (which were few) say Devereaux is French, so I decided to B.S. my way out of it by making up some silly reason why Iain calls his wife a Sassenach.

Also, earlier today I decided to take a thirty-minute break from writing and editing. I hadn't eaten all day, so I made a little snack and watched an episode of “Reba.” Well, one of the characters kept talking fru-fru FRENCH in this episode.

And then I read your email today where you're speaking French, and don't know why. Lol! Too, too funny and just plain weird.

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What’s in a Name?

What I find really odd is that one of my evp's sounds like my mother, who is saying-- “Who’s Patrick?“ This evp was recorded in the year 2000 and it wasn't until 2004 that I discovered the evp.

Furthermore, it wasn't until 2003 (and confirmed a year later), that I even found out Patrick's name.

Another strange thing is that I had an evp that said – “I miss you, my lady. My Becky.” I kept this to myself for days b/c I wanted to be certain that’s what it was saying. Then one day I stumbled into an old journal entry where my sister said she thought my name in that life was some Gaelic or Celtic form of “Becky.” (Something I had completely forgotten about).

Now, this was BEFORE I even captured the evp. I had originally brushed her thought aside at the time b/c I found “Becky” to be Hebrew, but then someone directed me to a Names website which said Becky was on the top 100 Celtic names list of the Renaissance. Also strange is that one of the characters in my first books is named Rebecca/Becky. Maybe the truth IS in the details.

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Corny Poetry

I found 3 or 4 stupid poems that I wrote in High School recently. (I don’t even read poetry, so it’s strange that I wrote a few back then). No one even knows I did that – thank goodness. Anyway, one of them was corny as Hell, but the theme was awfully strange. It definitely echoed Patrick, even though I know I wasn’t picturing him at all at the time. Patrick was pretty much just “the ghost” to me back then.

We were on a beach when I asked the man in this poem to promise me that he’d never be out of my reach, even for one second. He always answered with “I’ll never be far.” Then we looked up at the sky, and a dark cloud obscured the moon. I looked back at him and a shadow was cast across his face, and he was gone. Disappeared. I reached for his hand but all I felt was empty air and how lonely I was. Then the stars were staring all glassy-eyed at me and I said I was going to search for him even if it took forever, and that we were destined to be together… blah blah blah. You know, just corny stuff. Then I felt a hand on my hair, but I guessed it was only the wind since there was no one there. But then I heard his voice and he said, again, “I’ll never be far,” and I felt him kiss my cheek. Next thing I know I look up and realize I’m back in my bedroom, staring up at the ceiling. It was such a corny poem, but I’m amazed at how it could easily echo Patrick watching over me – Patrick, who is “not very far away.” I was so shocked when I came across that. There was another one I wrote which echoed what my friend told me, too. (Him watching me when I wasn’t aware that he was. Us desperately wanting to be together, but circumstances not allowing it).

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Castle Music Box

- For MONTHS I (ever the skeptic) kept asking Patrick to play my Camelot music box for me. Months breezed by and nothing happened. But then one day I was cleaning my bedroom when the very last thing I dusted was my music box. DIRECTLY after I did that I decided to check my email, and what did I see but a message from my friend. She said that Patrick was around her again, and that the very first thing he showed her was a music box with a horse that was like a carousel. The music box was playing music, she said, and the horses on it moved in a circle. That completely blew me away b/c...

1). I had JUST finished dusting that darn music box.

2). I NEVER breathed a word to her that every night – for months – I had been asking Patrick to play my music box.

3). When my music box plays, the couple on the horse moves around the castle just like a carousel.

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Come Back To Me

That phrase has followed me all my life via Patrick dreams, movies, etc. I even titled my book "Come Back To Me." Well now there's a new song by David Cook with that title, and those lyrics could be the theme song for my book easily. It's kind of strange.

But these specific lyrics are interesting:

"Take your time I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you"

It was odd b/c in a fun quiz a long time ago I was asked "What would you want God to say to you when you enter the Pearly Gates?" My answer was this exactly:

"Welcome Home, Kristin. Your charming little cottage and treasured belongings are just as you left them. Patrick took good care of them while you were away. Now go on and have some fun."

So I guess that's another coincidence somewhat.

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Not sure if this is anything:

- I just watched Rachel McAdams in The Time Traveler's Wife Wife, only to see Mom watching another movie of hers downstairs.

- She was playing a character named BECKY.

- PAST LIVES are mentioned in passing. (This was the first line I heard from the movie when I entered the room; the name "Becky" and past lives).

- The leading male in this movie that Mom is watching is PATRICK Wilson, who played Raoul in my favorite movie of all time..... Phantom of the Opera. (And Patrick has sent POTO signs/a gift before).

~ Possible Signs / Coincidences ~

2011-08-26T00:30:00.011-05:00

Rubber Ducky

(I’ll copy and paste what I wrote on a forum I used to frequent)

Not much has been happening around here, so I decided to ask for a sign from Patrick. Just to sort of test him, I admit. I wanted the sign to be something that would stand out. Something a little silly. I decided to make my sign a rubber ducky. Two or three weeks passed and NOTHING. It was a little upsetting, but at the same time I thought - no biggie. (I've been told that he might have a bit of trouble with signs. I think dreams/coincidences are his strongest areas).

So last weekend my niece and nephew were in town. (Haven't seen the kids here since July!) While my nephew and his father were at the air show, we girls went shopping. My niece and I were in Claire's when I saw a "Grow Your Own Rubber Ducky" toy. At the time I thought it was just a coincidence. (I know a lot of you don't believe in coincidences, but I do). I especially thought nothing of it since I asked for that sign so long ago.

Okay now.... today at work at the junior high, I had a student come up to me to show me some pictures she drew for one of her friends, whose birthday was today. She came up to the desk and showed me the pictures she drew. The first and last picture she showed me was of a RUBBER DUCKY. She copied it from her friend's sweatshirt.

I thought that a little weird, but still thought it may just be a coincidence. After that class ended and I had a free period I... feeling really silly at the time... quietly said aloud to myself that IF that was confirmation from Patrick that I HAD received my sign last week... that I'd accept it as proof only if I felt him tap my head or something. (Patrick has been known to tap a couple people on the head before, my mother being one of them).

In another class that day I was standing near a student while he was working on his math assignment. Out of the blue he slapped at the back of his head and said he felt something hit him there. My first instinct was that some kid threw a little paper wad or something at him, but I was standing right next to him when he said that and I never saw anything hit him.

Do you think that the "Grow Your Own Rubber Ducky" that I saw at the mall was my sign? Do you think he waited so long to hand over my sign b/c he wanted to wait for my niece to be with me at the time? Make it that more special? (I am CRAZY about my niece and nephew and never see them, so seeing them just that one day was Heaven for me).

And do you think the rubber ducky pictures and the boy being (possibly) tapped on the head was confirmation?

- A day or two later something rubber ducky related happened at school again. I was a little bummed b/c I decided to test Patrick once more. (My bad, I know. I like PROOF). Anyway, 2 days passed and no sign. I mentioned this on that forum, but then something happened at school the next day. I’ll copy and paste what I wrote on that forum below:

"And at school today, what did a couple of the kids start singing but ‘Rubber Ducky, you're the one.’

When I related what happened, someone told me they thought that was Patrick’s way of saying – “Wasn’t the rubber ducky enough?”

That maybe the signs exhaust him and that it was too soon to ask for another.

-------------------------------

Horseshoe

One night I was thinking of looking at claddaugh rings on ebay. That same night my friend emailed me about POTO jewelry on ebay, and just then my mother yelled up at me from downstairs, asking if the last time we bought jewelry beads did we get some clasps, too? Lol! She said she was just now cleaning out her jewelry box of all things.

On that same night my friend found a little side link of Phantom of the Opera Jewelry. Of course, she sent it to me to feed my obsession. She later emailed me back to tell me she thinks the horseshoe sign I had been asking for from Patrick was on the POTO page. Of course, skeptic that I am didn’t believe her – despite the coincidences with the jewelry that night and the horseshoe jewelry being on a PHANTOM page. If that was my sign, Patrick must have been really let down. He probably thought that my sign being on a page for jewelry to my most favorite movie IN THE ENTIRE WORLD would have been really special. But noooooo, I had to analyze it. (Okay, so I still do). Well, it was the next evening I think when I emailed this to her. I think it was Patrick's way of not giving up on me recognizing that darned horseshoe sign?

My reply -
I think I know what your answer will be but could this be my horseshoe sign? Last night I was at the computer while “Shrek 2” was on tv. That movie is always on and if it is I usually just keep it on that since I can hear Shrek’s Scottish lilt. Lol!

Well, while typing at the computer last night I turned around and watched a scene near the end, where Shrek and Fiona turn back into ogres. I couldn’t help but notice that when Donkey was turning from a beautiful white mare to a donkey again, he watched his horseshoe popping off. (And Patrick’s horse was a white mare).

-------------------------------

Scotland and Lavender

- My friend was browsing the internet one night for Romeo and Juliet pics. She came across a picture of “The Most Romantic Castle in Scotland,” aka Donan Castle.

She said that she thought Patrick had been showing her things really fast and that she hadn’t even realized it. She thought she saw some kind of weird looking cow. When she went to the site that had the Donan Castle picture, she saw her strange cow. I instantly knew she was talking about a Highland Cow, of course. But I think having a picture of that shaggy beast inside her head disoriented her for a bit, hence the reason she brushed it off at first.

Also, when she was replying to my email about the cow, she heard at least 4 taps on her entertainment center. (Tapping is another one of his calling cards). Directly after she acknowledged the taps, she remembered purple flowers. She had been seeing them in her mind's eye a lot, along with the HL cow, a white horse, etc.

My reply about the purple flowers was –

- This is weird. I’ve had a few dreams… non-Patrick related where there were purple flowers on a cliffside and in the distance was a lake with mountains rising behind them. (And Mom has said that Patrick’s shown her a loch filled with a couple swans, and with craggy mountains rising behind the lake). I guess that was Patrick's doing. Him trying to jog me memory of the purple flowers/lavender. Also, when my aunt did her reading that time, she said that Patrick said – “We know why we love lavender.”

We never did find out if he meant lavender the color, or lavender the flower. But I would assume he meant lavender the flower. We don't really know why he mentioned lavender to my aunt, and now TO YOU as well. But it’s also a little strange that at one time I had my room painted lavender, and I had Mom make the lady’s dress in my Renaissance stained glass, lavender. I remember feeling very adamant about her dress being that color.

- After she read my reply above, she felt a STRONG presence standing behind her and knew it was Patrick. She said she had forgotten how intimidating he is. He was on her left side just watching her type. She said he was actually making her nervous staring over her shoulder like that. She said he has a “VERY commanding presence” and almost felt like she should get out of her chair and bow down on her hands and knees. ROFL!

- Three nights earlier I was trying to find all my Scotland castle pictures. I found out that they were on the old computer, so I transferred them to the new computer. The next night I showed them to Mom. So I thought that kinda weird that she stumbled into Donan Castle around a time when I started looking at my Scottish castle pictures again.

-------------------------------

Lavender, Pansies & Thistles

My friend was searching for a picture of the purple flowers she’d been seeing. She discovered that she’d been seeing lavender and pansies.

My reply -
The ONLY thing I can think of relating to pansies is that when we were looking at model homes the other day, I voiced to Mom how sad I was that they pulled up all the pansies at this one model home. I’ve always LOVED the scent of that garden each time I walked past it.

Note: Maybe Patrick really does hang out with us?!

Here’s another reply from her -
Now here's the freaky part- as i was looking to find a pic of the flowers i have been seeing a lot of lately, i got led to a site that had the Flower of Scotland on it (because it has purple on it and i searched for "purple flowers" and that came up). And guess what the photographer's name is???? PATRICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my reply -

Ah, a thistle!

And did you notice that the only people commenting on the picture had “gerard” and “james” in their usernames? Well… Gerry’s full name is “GERARD JAMES Butler.” And the “Patryk” photographer is an odd coincidence.

-------------------------------

4-21-07

Two sides to the same coin

This is funny. In my email to someone just now, I mentioned how I’m always stumbling into coincidences these days. Well, a day or two ago I mentioned that I think twin flames are like two different sides to the same penny.

Sooo… what did I just now read on Gerry’s main website (which I don’t really look at these days) but--

“They're going to be wanting something from Leonidas that's held back from them. If they find the Phantom after Leonidas, then they're going to get that sensual, emotional side they were yearning for from Leo. It's almost like they're two halves of the same coin.”

-------------------------------

Roses & Rabbits make a comeback

On a whim I decided to read some of the back posts at a site that I frequent. (It’s the same site where Patrick first contacted Nat, only at the time I never saw her post and she had no idea yet who “Patrick” was). While there I stumbled into a post I made last year (1-23-06) about receiving signs from our spirit guides. (And I remember that that sign I asked for was if Patrick was for me, and not my mother or sister). In that post someone wrote:

"I think the more you try to test them, the less you will feel close to them. As **** put it, you just need to KNOW they are there. Maybe stop thinking about it for a few days. The sign might come to you then loud and clear because you weren't worrying about it. I feel impressed to ask you to meditate and visualise baby rabbits leaping around a spring meadow. This will relax you."

That one sentence about the rabbits grabbed my eye because I've been told that Patrick's strong point is impressing things upon people. Also, an ENTIRE YEAR after this post Nat saw Patrick with this big smile on his face as he was holding a furry white bunny next to his cheek. It drove her nuts not knowing what he meant by that, so she finally asked him to come back and tell her. (What she received is in a 'Readings' section of this site).

By the way, when that person mentioned visualizing rabbits in a spring meadow... at that time I thought nothing of it at all, as it wasn't until at least an entire year later that Patrick mentioned the rabbits in a reading. Even then, I didn't remember that one post. I just stumbled upon it again by accident one day.

But there’s more. The night before I read that back post, I saw something on tv which I thought for a second might be a sign for me, but then immediately dismissed. I was watching some Hallmark movie where two characters spoke about this woman's love of roses. Roses, which she could never grow but which eventually did grow due to her tetchy husband dumping 'fertilizer' on 'the sticks.' He eventually planted two extra rows for her.

Well--- in one of my books there's a character who planted a rose garden for his wife, and Patrick mentioned the same thing in the reading mentioned above. Also, right after that scene about the roses in that Hallmark movie was a commercial that was nothing but a close-up of a white bunny... just as Nat saw Patrick cuddling.

So in that reading he mentioned my love for roses and him putting up with my affection for rabbits, and on tv that night this woman loved roses – which her husband ‘put up with’ but ended up planting extra for her anyway (which sounds like what Nat told me about Patrick ‘putting up with’ my love for rabbits, and what I wrote about roses in my book) - and then there was that rabbit in that commercial.

And in that backpost I read last night (which was posted a YEAR ago), rabbits were mentioned. Not only that, but someone pointed out that when I told them about my roses and rabbits sign that night, the person who had made that post last year was at a birthday party that day…. and while there they were playing with rabbits.

I also find it a little funny that I suspect Patrick might have been Scottish, and I received my sign from a poster on that site who is from Scotland.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Also… a while back I was watching Ghost Hunters on tv. When a commercial came on I turned it to LOST b/c I suspected one of the characters was Scottish. It was on that particular actor’s scene when I turned the channel to LOST and heard him say – “I am Scottish.” And in the scene directly after his, there was a white rabbit inside a cage.

So maybe Patrick really was Scottish. I’m always thinking he was probably from Wales, but I keep running into signs saying otherwise. I’ve even had a dream which I think was him trying to let me know he was from Scotland. And maybe the poster (who said she felt impressed to ask me to visualize baby rabbits leaping in a field during meditation) being from Scotland was another way of him confirming that yes – he was from Scotland.

I think Patrick is VERY PATIENT with me, seeing as I'm always missing his signs. This is the second time I've come across communication from him via that forum and it took me at least a year to see it. And then there's my second-guessing the signs I do receive. No matter how adamant I am on not believing the sign, confirmation usually follows.

-------------------------------

May 1, 2007

Knight Angel for Truth Spirit Drawing

Last night, when reading through the kids’ last journal that I made years ago, I stumbled on a post I replied to on that paranormal site I frequent. The post was made on May 3, 2005. Someone posted a painting they did, then asked what everyone saw in the knight’s shield. It’s funny that my answer mirrors what Nat would later tell me about Patrick’s feather hat that she and I were always joking about. What I wrote is typed up below:

“I see a man on a horse. He's wearing a feather cap and fancy clothing. To his right, sort of in front of him, is an old man wearing some type of a robe. Like a robe a clergyman would wear back then. There’s something in his hand, and I think it’s a large staff. All I know is that he takes it with him everywhere he goes.”

And I guess it’s kind of strange that I stumbled into this. I was looking at my scrapbooking stuff to make Mom’s Mother’s Day card when I decided to look through the kids’ last journal that I made years ago. (It was the only journal with my scrapbook stuff in my armoire, and I had copied and pasted that post into the journal back then).

Also, over the past couple days I said that I wish I had a spirit drawing of him, so I can show my family what he looks like. I guess this proves how LITERAL spirits are. I guess he's making due with the feather hat pic? Lol! I think it's funny. What I would love to have is a beautiful spirit drawing of Patrick himself, but I can see the humor in the timing of me stumbling into that old picture. I give him kudos for coming through in any way he can. Lol! He is persistent.

And close to a year ago I guess, I had a quick flash of him in my mind come out of nowhere. I had just put down my book to go to bed when - suddenly - there's Patrick's face in front of mine. It was very close-up and very vivid. His blond hair was unkempt and hanging a bit around his face, and his eyes and expression were VERY intense. I brushed it off at the time, but over this past week especially, it's been on my mind a lot. It's just so vivid and feels so... well, REAL. I can see him so clearly. It's just seeing his face, his eyes looking into mine. And I can't begin to describe the intensity in his features. I really do believe Mom was right in her automatic writing, when Patrick said I sometimes feared him. I think he was a quiet, yet very intense guy. I think there were many sides to him. I think all of his intensity - which was sooo thick - felt like too much for me to handle and be the recipient of at times. I don't doubt that he is/was a loving spirit, but I do think being with him wasn't exactly a cakewalk; not just b/c of what life throws at a person, but because he was such a passionate man.

But I would give anything to have a nice drawing of that vision mentioned above. I don't have those flashes often, but this one has to be the most 'colorful' of the little bunch. It's just so clear and unmuddied. It's like looking at a photograph of him. It's almost "cartoonish" looking - if that makes sense. What I mean is it's very vivid.

-------------------------------

All Wands
Tried the cards. I asked how Patrick feels about (possibly) helping me write this book. I thought it interesting that the spread was all wands; Manifestation.

Page of Wands
Ace of Wands
8 of Wands

-------------------------------

Automatic Writing
9-18-07

I just realized that in that AW Mom did a while back, Patrick said – “I will always find you.”

And later, in an evp, he said – “Becky… love to find you.”

-------------------------------

The Granite City
(September 19, 2007)

Now this is strange. A few days ago I was looking at a Scotland Webcam. It was in Aberdeen. About a year ago Patrick kept telling Mom something about “Granite.” She even saw granite cliffs over water, with a swan swimming in a loch. Over and over again was the word, “Granite.” She finally made me do a search online for “granite” and “Scotland.” What I found was that Aberdeen, Scotland is nicknamed “The Granite City.” Mom looked at pictures I had saved of Scotland, and it turned out that what she kept seeing in her minds eye was the landscape like in Aberdeen.

Well, while looking at the Aberdeen Scotland webcam the other night I realized that one of the webcams was in “Castlegate.” Coincidentally, “Castlegate” is a name I used in one of my stories!

But wait, there’s more. I almost wrote about that to my friend (not Nat, as we’re no longer friends) in an email the other day, but deleted it b/c she’s not really into the paranormal like I am. But get this… today I receive an email from her about a package she’s mailing to me. She told me that she keeps wishing she put more goodies in it. One of the things she mentioned was a piece of GRANITE, since she lives in “THE GRANITE STATE.” (New Hampshire).

So first I discover that Nat lives in Novia Scotia, translated as “New SCOTLAND,” and now this recent discovery with GRANITE; related to Scotland once again.

Maybe Patrick really was from Scotland.

-------------------------------

Obsession Films
(September 19, 2007)

We all have favorite movies which we can't get enough of. For me, it's movies where the lovers just cannot be together. Movies such as the ones below:

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
The Phantom of the Opera
Out of Africa
Somewhere in Time
Moulin Rouge!
Ghost
Anna and the King
Legends of the Fall
PS I Love You
The Thorn Birds
First Knight
Camelot (Richard Harris on Broadway)
Romeo and Juliet (the older version)

Okay, so you get the picture. Also, as a child I had an obsession song. I used to beg my father all the time to sing Willie Nelson's "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain," even though it made me cry.

Who knows? Maybe there's a deeper meaning for why I was so drawn to that song and those movies, even as a little girl. Is it Patrick-related? Don’t know.

----------------------------------------

Beauty & the Beast, King of Swords, a crown & roses

- I’m always making fun of the feather hat I’ve been told that Patrick likes to wear. But one day he came to Nat wearing a crown. She was also shown a piece of stained glass with a rose (the rose was part of the stained glass). She didn't see the whole piece - just a corner of it. She also saw a tarot card on top of the glass. It looked like the KING OF SWORDS.

Well… when I was talking to someone else who did a tarot reading for me… (just a general reading which wound up being about Patrick. They were on a Gerry Butler forum if ya can believe that. Lol!)… I mentioned how it’s been interesting trying to figure out Patrick’s personality over the years. I mentioned that I thought he was harsh-looking on the outside, but that he really is a quiet, kind person. A gentle soul, but at the same time perhaps very intense. (Like the Beast in the Disney cartoon actually. Lol!) I also mentioned how my mom said she thought that from a young age he was taught to detach from his emotions. Well, the lady replied back that that sounds like the KING OF SWORDS to a T. (King of Swords was one of the cards she pulled as well).

So I think Nat seeing the King of Swords card was a way for him to confirm that that’s what his personality is/was like.

- Remember when Mom did that automatic handwriting? Patrick mentioned:

“I loved you more than you loved me I think, for you sometimes feared me and you know you were most tender and kind to me, despite my crude ways. You were the flower. I was the thorn.”

That echoes Beauty and the Beast/Phantom of the Opera a lot; my top 2 obsession movies of all time. (Their stories are similar in a lot of ways, too). I also think Patrick’s personality was a lot like “The Phantom,” without all the erhm… stalking, killing innocent people, and living underground.

* Just random messages *

2011-08-25T15:22:00.008-05:00

Possible Message
1-29-10

Well, a long time ago it was almost a possible message anyway. I came across a really old PM from someone, which I never posted on my site. It isn't a biggie, but since it's Patrick-related, here it is:

Patrick is your resident ghost/spirit, right? I had a dream recently and the name Patrick was said to me very clearly and I've been trying to figure out who Patrick was, and where I had heard of Patrick before. I think this might be the same Patrick. I don't even know what the dream was about now. I just remember the name very clearly. Very interesting!

-----------------------------------------

A Reading
Someone wanted to practice their reading skills, so one day I finally volunteered. They got the name of my lead character of my book right: Emily. Some things were a little off, but for the most part they were bang on and I don't think I even had my website listed on that forum, so she couldn't have gotten the information there. (I think I had it listed for a while, but later took it off). The only thing that confuses me is the time period she said Patrick came from. She also made it sound like Patrick was just a guardian... which he probaly is but then what of the other readings and all those coincidences and synchronicities and dreams? She also mentioned his children, which my aunt even spoke of.

Here's part of her reading:
His name was "Patrick." A childhood guardian. :) Nothing to fear at all.He is nothing to fear. When I ask my guide, I hear he is an ancestor on your father's side. He hasn't moved on and is the type of spirit that tends to hang around and observe. His plane of existence is like a veil between you and him. He is on one side and you the oter. He is close to the veil, where some spirits move on to other planes of existence. Other people have their theories, but this is mine. :) Please come back if you find out more. I keep thinking Patrick is from the civil war era. He lost his children... this is what I am getting. Hmm.

-----------------------------------------

Tarot Reading
After speaking to a woman who did a tarot card reading on me (this was on a Gerry Butler website if you can believe that) which was just a general reading but ended up being about Patrick and the mystery more or less being at sort of an end, I mentioned my ’Target’ Dream (listed on this website) to her just in passing. Well, when checking my email a few minutes later there was a Target ad flashing at the top of the screen.

By the way, her reading mentioned --- “It looks like you are making a decision to leave something behind... looks like it will be over finally, and it looks like it involves a man. This is a huge decision and it has spiritual overtones to it.”

She also drew the King of Swords, which is a card Patrick showed my friend a few months later. (I’ve always seen that as confirmation that his personality is like the King of Swords).

-----------------------------------------

Reminder to Self:
I just really feel the need to be reminded of this every once in a while. It's a very wise message someone (a very sweet lady whom shall remain nameless for privacy's sake) shared with me a while back. Seriously, I need to tape this to my bathroom mirror or something. :p

Ok. Deep breath here. I have a message for you and unless I buck up my courage and send it off, I'm going to keep getting this buzzing little nudges from my Guide, and I'm not going to get any work done that way. Please don't think I'm crazy. LOL. I'm so not used to doing this. I'm supposed to tell you that there are no coincidences. That everything that you notice and stumble across and experience is there for a reason, and that reason is to make you see. To understand. Your Patrick... he is there watching over you, yes, but you aren't to focus on the bittersweet knowledge that he hasn't come back for you. You are analytical and you doubt by nature {as do I, but I'm getting better about this}, and yet you are deeply intuitive but keep downplaying that part of yourself, and you need to stop. You need to get past that skepticism and go with what you feel, what you know deep inside. The world will make more sense to you if you do. You don't need a medium to understand. The truth is there inside you. You need to feel, to know, to **BELIEVE**, and you will have the answers that you seek. Society tells us none of this exists, and yet those of us who have a deeper connection... we have been given this glimpse into eternity for a reason. Don't squander it with doubt. Feel. Believe. And know the truth.Also, have you written a manuscript surrounding Patrick? I get the feeling that if you do so, much of the truth will come out.
P.S. I believe you are astral traveling through your dreams at times.

~*~*~*~*~

And this is in response to my reply:

Maybe... just maybe... the next time that you recognize yourself brushing something off as coincidence, you can purposely set that doubt aside, just for the moment, and acknowledge the thought/feeling/vision. Just say, "Hello, I see you. Thank you." Acknowledge it, file it away... but don't dismiss it as nothing. Just try to stay open to the possibility. I also wonder if Patrick isn't acting more as a spirit guide for you in this lifetime. He seems to be doing his darnedest to get your attention and to help you to see and believe in him, but also to just believe in general. His spirit doesn't seem to be coming through to contact you solely to remind you of your past relationship with him {for what would be the point? If he had truly learned everything he had to learn, enough not to reincarnate, he would have evolved past the earthly concerns. He must have a larger purpose than that...}I believe in twin flames, and in soul mates. In fact, I feel that I have one that I have remembered but am not with currently as well... and I think that idea would probably upset my husband. But then, we have other things that have tied us to each other. I probably sound very accepting of this... but it's been a lifetime in coming to terms with it, and I am only now embracing it fully. I still have my skeptical moments, but I have learned so much through speaking with others who are also sensitive. You, my dear, have ability. I can feel it, even through online contact. I do think that you push it away **because** you don't want to think of yourself as gullible. Again, me too. But it is a limitation you have set for yourself, and while you may think of it as your nature, you can overcome it.

--------------------------------------------

But Which Book?
3-14-11

My aunt told me on Facebook that she had a dream about me. I got sick, and didn't get to ask her until last night what her dream was.

Here is her reply:

YES, my dream was very sweet. We were talking about a book you wanted to write and I told you Patrick says write the book! Then I woke up. That is when I told you he was back. Are you thinking about writing? OR are you writing? If so, finish it. ha!

~ Past Comments ~

2011-08-24T15:31:00.009-05:00

Tonight, insomnia has forced me into typing up this page. I was perusing some old posts from a website I briefly visit from time to time; mainly in the form of lurking these days. Revisiting that site made me realize how fortunate I really am.

Despite my constant questioning about Patrick, I've come to realize that over the past years those questions have dwindled down a lot. I believe in my intuition a little more (although it is still difficult) and give my dreams much more credit than I did in the past. Personally, I think that right there was a huge leap for me. I've also realized that even though I'll always have questions surrounded the mystery that is Patrick, there are others out there that can relate. I've even had a lot of people leave comments on my old sites, telling me that reading my experiences have helped them. (I would post them here, but there are just too many... which surprises the heck out of me even today. I'm surprised anyone even found those old blogs).

So below I've decided to copy and paste snippets of people's responses about Patrick from a few years ago. (Back then, I still didn't even know his name). Reading them tonight made me realize that I'm pretty lucky to have this mystery to solve. I should enjoy that mystery more.

For privacy's sake, I'll not list the posters' names below:

* I think the medieval guy is WAY cool! He's obviously someone who loves you from before and is taking care of you. It gives me such a warm feeling! .............Love the medieval man - he's a sweetheart and a gem!

* I love him! And he was definitely there to see YOU! You think your dream and vision meant nothing? It's you he loves. Don't you think he knew the difference [b/w you and your sister]?? This is very cool. I just love him, and I don't even know why!

* Your dreams sounded very interesting! I've heard it said that past life dreams seem very real - both in emotion and setting, so I have to wonder if that's what your dreams entailed.

I, too, used to have dreams of medieval times and would wake up feeling that I'd traveled back in time. Unfortunately, I don't recall these dreams anymore, but they sparked my interest in reincarnation. However, unlike you I did develop a fascination with medieval times.

Funny, you said the rest of us were lucky to have the paranormal experiences we've had, yet you then go on to tell of your medieval ghost! That sounds pretty cool to me! I've yet to see a ghost very clearly, so I can't comment on how their eyes would look.

If you'd like to develop your psychic abilities more, I'd suggest the following: keep a dream journal (dreams can often be precognitive, and if not, still can be fascinating to decipher!) and keep an intuition journal of sorts - keep track of synchronicities, intuitive insights, etc. Just the fact that you an interest and awareness of these matters gives you a head start!

* Your story is just wild. I can't believe I love your ghost so much - and he was evil in your dream and had white eyes - oooh! You are definitely dreaming about and responding to a past life. The detail is incredible, but I can certainly understand your confusion and frustration over what to think and feel.

You may consider having a regression. It's not a cure-all; it's not even guaranteed you'll go back to that lifetime, but it's worth a shot. Also, you may want to go to a reputable psychic.

* I know it's hard not knowing. I wrestle with it all the time because my guides won't tell me stuff I want to know (unless they feel like it); they want me to accept so much on faith and feel it in my heart and stuff. I have a logical mind, too, and I want proof like you do. That's why I loved it when they told me the Giants would win the NL Pennant last year 8 months before they did - and the Giants did! That was proof! Proof in the real world!

But I don't know how we prove your medieval guy - who he is, what he is to you, etc.. Even if you had a regression or went to a psychic, I know you'd question them - and that's FINE! It's good to question. My gut feeling, though (for what it's worth), is that he is a positive, loving spirit. Seeing a ghost - or angel - is frightening! The Bible for instance is full of people being scared out of their wits when angels appear. (I have a hard time with the Bible, but I think the angel stuff is relevant.)

So don't be hard on yourself! You have a fun, inquiring mind!

* I do think it's significant that your obsession movies revolve around mortals and ghosts (or people in other time periods) who love but can't have each other. This is obviously a theme in your life but also a theme in the human experience! I think many people feel there's someone out there, but they can't reach them.

When you were afraid of seeing his big black boots, I think you were just focusing on the fear. I've done that before. Something in that person or relationship will spark a fear, and we hold onto it when it would be smarter to just forget about it.

I saw this recently: "The only thing that exists between souls is love." Everything else is illusion. I think this is true, although on the earth plane there's so much BAD (fear, hate, cruelty, pain, suffering) it's hard to believe sometimes. --Just concentrate on the love with this medieval guy. Talk to him in your head, and it will start to feel friendlier.

* You sound like me when you say "I’ve always been skeptical of my own experiences, so I can’t help but wonder if in this particular instance my second ‘remembering' of the dream was all imagination." I tend to be hesitant to share dreams or visions that might be past life related because I don't really trust them. Even when I accept something as probably being past life related, I still find myself searching to see what or who may have influenced the details, or if there is another explanation. I'm much more confident about my experiences with ghosts and guardian angels, but even then I sometimes overanalyze. On your question about white eyes on ghosts, I've never seen white eyes on a ghost, but I have seen a white glow or light coming from the eyes. I call it "love light" because it seems to accompany strong emotions.

* If you watch the eyes of living people, you will see the same glow. It's just not as bright or obvious as it is in spirits. I think it's kind of like the physical body mutes or contains the emotional energy (or whatever) that causes the glow, and in spirit form it shines brighter. Sometimes it freaks me out too. There's nothing quite like seeing a figure with glowing eyes staring at you intensely. I hope this helps explain my reasoning. I would love to know if other people have observed the same thing.

I'm guessing your medieval fellow is probably around you a lot, even when you aren't aware of it. He obviously has a lot of emotion for you, and smoothing your covers is a loving gesture. I get the impression he didn't expect you to catch him and doesn't want to frighten you. It's just my opinion, but I agree with --- that he's "way cool" and I think you are very lucky to have him!

I forgot to copy/paste this into the 'Readings' section. It's the message on that paranormal forum which Nat wrote before we started emailing each other. It was a while later that she told me about this, as I had never seen the post in the first place.

From April 28, 2005

Alright, who is PATRICK???? I keep hearing this name over and over again in my head for the past couple of days and I have NO clue as to who this Patrick is! Why am I hearing this name all the time? There's got to be a reason for this but I can't figure it out! I remember when I first met Mark, I asked him what his name was and the names that went through my head were David, Mark and Patrick. Now I know who Mark is now but now I am hearing Patrick over and over again in my head. And last night as I was coming out of my meditation I saw a black man with sort of like an afro and he was wearing a robe down to his knees and there were red and white and navy blue stripes all over it and he was wearing sandals. Who the heck is that? Did I imagine him? Is he a spirit guide? Is *HE* Patrick???? Why did he come into my mind? I wasn't even thinking about anyone really, except for Mark and then this guy pops into my head for a split second but I clearly remember what he looked like. Very weird. Was he real or just a figment of my imagination?????? When I asked the psychic at the fair on Saturday if she could describe my spirit guide, she said that she saw a robe with the colors red, white and navy blue on it. So did I subconsciously put him in my mind because of what she said?

Recent Updates

2011-08-23T13:10:00.025-05:00

November 25, 2011

Unexpected Caller

So here it is the day after Thanksgiving. Last night, as I was first trying to fall asleep after an exhausting day of putting up the Christmas tree, I had an image in my mind of my cell phone. Across the little caller screen was an incoming call. It read, in bold/white/capital letters, the name PATRICK.

I immediately ignored it, but this morning I'm second guessing that.

I don't know whether to take it seriously or not because it's been a l-o-n-g time since I've even had any Patrick dreams.

UPDATE: I just remembered that before going to bed I checked my cell phone. I was surprised I had missed a text from my niece the day before, telling me she was about to see the new Muppet movie. I tried falling asleep something like half an hour after checking my phone, so that probably explains it.

No sign there, and no surprise. As I said, it's been a looong time since I've received any messages or have had any dreams about Patrick. (Okay, make that possible messages and dreams b/c I'll always be skeptical).