~ Readings, part 1 ~

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My email excerpt -

That's the only horse I've ever seen Patrick on, too. In two dreams he was riding a white horse, and when I explained one of those dreams to my aunt, that's when she pulled the sun card-- which had a white horse on it.

Her reply -

OMG! Ok, you are NOT going to believe this but I took it upon myself to do a reading on Patrick yesterday (I hope you don't mind- I will private message it to you when I get a chance to get my notes together) and the VERY FIRST CARD that came up was THE SUN with a man riding a white horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the information that I got from the reading, it seems that he was in a very high position of power and authority (I get the strong sense he was involved with royalty) - a great leader of some sort who everyone looked up to. Very powerful. He was very passive in nature but he was very passionate meaning that his passive demeanor would quickly change into being very fierce at only a moment's notice if needed. He kept things in order.

Now, I know your aunt said that HE looked after YOU, but what I got from the reading I did is that YOU attended to HIS needs like a servant of some sort. I also get the feeling that you were one of many women "servants" (for lack of a better word- I don't know what they would've called them back then), that attended to him. I feel that he grew to love you. You stood out to him over all the others. It's almost like he became obsessed with you (not in a bad way- he just loved you VERY much). I get the sense that you loved him too, but you, being a servant, well, I get the feeling that the love between the 2 of you had to be kept hidden because of his position, but he was willing to give up his authority/ position that he had to be with you because he loved you so much, he felt he could not be without you. I don't know if this actually happened that he ended up giving up his position or not, but I feel that he might have so that you could be together because it does say in the cards that there was a "giving up of authority" so he may very well have given up his position in order to be with you. I also sensed that you didn't reciprocate his feelings at first even though you loved him too because it scared you because there may have been severe consequences if the love between the 2 of you was to be discovered by anyone. (I don't know anything about the laws about that kind of thing back then but I think that just by using my common knowledge, that a relationship like that between such a public and powerful figure and a servant would not be looked upon nicely.) He might even have been married at the time.

Also, the cards said that you are going to be receiving some very important news which will release uncertainties and end the waiting. Unknown information is finally being revealed to you that makes sense and brimming with truths. (ah, HELLO???? Could that be this reading you are looking at right now??? LOL) Any feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are to be banished from your mind. You are to be reminded of the hard work that is necessary in order to gain understanding. Desire is not enough. Action must be taken.

The last card that was chosen was The Star (which "co-incidentally" depicts a lion on the front much like the lion on the crest that you posted). Follow your heart without fear- don't be afraid. This will be resolved with the best of results- believe in your ability. Your conscious and subconscious minds are working together and merging to bring about a new awareness of the situation that allows you to see this situation in a new light.

Note: A light bulb just went off, and here it is around 2 years later. On that paranormal forum I used to frequent, I remember someone telling me that they think it's like I act like I don't deserve Patrick's love, or that I'm unworthy and afraid. Well, in Nat's reading the cards said - "Any feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are to be banished from your mind."



Second Reading - The Spirit Spread

Card #1- Who the spirit is - A thoughtful, older man (not necessarily an "old" man), quiet and serene in nature. He possesses much authority. He is entranced by the prospect of the divine feminine that has been promised to him (um, could that be you???) and is alone and waiting for her to return.

Card #2- Why he is with you - Courtly but strong willed, upright and honorable, he is bringing you messages and understanding.

Card #3- What he wants you to know - Memories, nostalgia and hopes from the past. He is longing for the sweetness of the past. He is offering you something sacred.

Card #4- What actions you can take - Use your inner knowledge after information has been given.

Card#5- Summary/Outcome - Magic! Your powers and abilities and the strength of love can create a new awareness that brings with it magic and joy. (see??? I told you that you have something wonderful waiting for you!)

Now, I want you to know that I did not "color" this reading at all or add anything to it. It is exactly as I read the cards using my intuition to help guide me in interpreting the cards for the question at hand (which was- who is Patrick and what does he mean to Kristin?)



My reply -

Do you have any idea of which kind of "servant" I was? They had servants for everything back then. If you don't pick up on that, that's fine. I'm just curious.

Her reply -

Ok, as I was reading your message, guess who popped up? Yup- he's here. Patrick. Boy is he ever strong! He is urgently wanting to communicate with you BIG TIME. I just asked him what kind of a servant you were and I heard "chatelaine". I have no idea what that is so I looked it up on Google (the whole time shaking because Patrick is VERY impatient!) Here is what I found:

Chatelaine - Said to be from the French for "Lady of the House."

Chatelaine - the mistress of a chateau or large country house.

You were the head of the household. You were in charge of all the goings on and all the other women "servants" of the house. I'm trying to get him to calm down because he is extremely impatient and strong because I know you may not get this message for a while and I can't have him hanging around me like this all night! Lol! I can barely type this.

I will describe to you what he looks like to me:

Ok, first of all he is a big guy! Very husky looking. Not fat- just husky. He looks, how can I explain this.....fierce. Like if I didn't know any better, I would be scared shitless if I saw him in a dark alley! LOL! The funny thing is, he is NOT fierce at all- he just looks that way. He actually is a very loving and kind spirit with a gentle nature (although at the moment he is too excited and impatient to seem "gentle" lol) but I get the feeling that if he got upset or someone betrayed him- LOOK OUT! He has yellow-blonde hair- straight probably to about his chin or so. It is like YELLOW- like gold. He does have very rough features- now I know what you meant when you said he wasn't "classically handsome". He isn't ugly by any means though. Anyhow, his clothes- holy moly! He looks like he is of royalty and there are alot of designs on them. He is wearing mostly burgundy and royal blue and I think some gold. He has on a cloak that comes down to about mid-shin. His shirt is one of those shirts with the really puffy sleeves at the top near the shoulders and then it gets tighter around his arms and then flares out at the wrists. I hope I am explaining this right. I don't know much about that time period's clothing. Maybe I should look for some pictures on the internet to show you later. Anyhow, the shirt is a royal blue color with gold stripes on the puffy part of the sleeves (the top). He is wearing a burgundy vest- like thingy over top of the shirt with like gold sewn into it. The vest is tight and his royal blue shirt hangs down below the bottom of the vest if you know what I mean. He is wearing tight pants that come down to about his knee and then has on white-ish tights underneath with black shoes that are very pointy at the toe. I've never seen shoes like that before- they actually look kind of funny. lol (sorry Patrick). Anyhow, his clothes are VERY fancy- lots of intricate sewing and designs on them. He definitely looks like royalty for sure. I've never seen clothing like that before- very fancy and colorful - mostly royal blue, burgundy and some gold.

Ok, he seems to have calmed down some. Thank goodness. He was making me panicky! I hope you get this soon! lol



He is still here. He has calmed down a bit now, thank god. I was getting panicky there because i was feeling his impatience. I told him to cool it because I wasn't sure when you would get the message! So does any of that make sense to you? Do you know what a chatelaine is? And what I described him as- does that sound right to you? I know you saw him when you were 7 so is that what you remember? I asked him if he loved you and he had tears in his eyes and had both hands covering his heart.

******

No, you weren't married and I don't think you had any children together either. I think you were his mistress though. I heard "mistress". I'm getting the strong impression that you were his mistress for sure. I keep hearing that word over and over. I think he was married to someone else actually.

(Note: I never knew this until almost a year later, but it turns out that the wife of a laird, chatelaines, etc. would be addressed as such).

When I asked him if he gives you signs- the fan thing popped into my head - that was him. He doesn't like people using your bedroom. lol. He is very possessive of you. He doesn't want to "Share" you with anyone. He was pissed off that someone else was using your bedroom. I think his favourite place to be with you is your bedroom. I think he feels he has you "all to himself" there. That's pretty funny! LOL! Made me laugh. I asked if you two are soulmates and I heard "you better believe it".

That's all I seem to be able to get right now. I keep asking if there is a way that you might know that he is around and I'm not getting anything. Although I did see a book open on a desk in my mind's eye. I don't know if that would mean anything to you or not. Does anything weird ever happen with books or paper around you?

(Note: I think perhaps the open book was his way of saying he’s influencing my writing? And it is a little odd that the puppy dog paperweight we have - which my Dad wanted and Mom named "Patrick" - is lying on A BOOK!!!!)



(It just dawned on me…. In 2011... is that dog an Irish Setter?)

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Well he seemed to answer to the name Patrick, although that may be because that is what you call him. I just asked in my head "what is his name" and I heard the name William. I'm honestly not good with getting names though I will admit. I mostly get impressions and pictures. As far as where he was from, I get the impression that he was Scottish actually. Not Irish. I asked what your name was and I heard "annabelle". Now, like I said, I am not afraid to admit that I am not good with getting names so that could be wrong and also I think I remember reading that in the reading your aunt did too now that I think about it so that could be tainting what I am getting regarding your name. But William and Annabelle were the first names I heard when I asked both questions. Is William even a Scottish name? I don't know.

Sorry I can't answer your question about the tent dream. I really think he has left- I don't feel him around me at all now.

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My reply -

OMG! The transcript of the reading my aunt did was edited. In one part, near the beginning, she asked for me to say the first name that popped in my head. Guess what it was.... William.

Her reply -

OMG! You must be joking!!! GEEZ- I guess I should take my own advice then and trust myself more! WOW!

Well there ya go! I sure wasn't planning on that happening but wow am I ever exhausted now and I have a headache! LOL!

(Note: I do think it's strange that the letter that came to my mind during my aunt’s reading was an "L," and she came up with "William." The "L" could have stood for "Lord" or "Laird." I don't think I give my subconscious enough credit. I honestly thought I was just making up the "L" and "William" at the time. My aunt kept asking me for a name, so immediately I said "William").

Excerpt from my reply a few days later:

In that reading you mentioned how Patrick had on this shirt that he wore underneath his vest/jerkin. I didn't see the shirt when I was little, b/c he was kneeling at the time, but a few days before you did that reading I was watching "First Knight." I DISTINCTLY remember noticing that time how the shirt under Lancelot's vest wasn't tucked in, but hung out beneath the vest. That's EXACTLY what you described in that first reading. I thought that was pretty awesome to pick up on a detail like that. I now think there's a REASON I noticed that part of Lancelot's attire specifically during that viewing of that movie. I know I never paid attention to it before - and I've watched that movie many, many times in the past. And I just looked up the name William. It's a Teutonic name meaning "valiant protector."



And you are definitely right when you said that everything happened so fast!

One minute I am just getting home from picking up my hubby and decided to sit down to read my private messages and go out for a smoke and surprise... all of a sudden I am bombarded with a VERY anxious spirit! I mean, he was soooooooooo anxious and excited that I actually started shaking! I couldn't even think straight and I was having a really hard time typing. So if anything I said last night didn't make sense, or jumbled, it was because I couldn't type fast enough for him! LOL! I mean he REALLY took me by surprise! It happened after I read the message you sent me asking if I knew what kind of servant you were. I read it and then went outside for a smoke and I was going to respond to it after I got back in and as I was smoking outside, I was wondering to myself what kind of servant you might have been and then BOOM! There he was! I heard him say "chatelaine" and I was like "what the heck is a chatelaine?" LOL! The only place I've ever heard of a chatelaine is a magazine that we have here in Canada named "Chatelaine". So I immediately put out my smoke and came in and looked it up on google (all the while feeling Patrick's anxiousness and kept hearing him saying "tell her! Tell her!"- I was saying to him- "cool it man! I need to know what a chatelaine is before I tell her!" lol )

After I finally got offline I was so out of it! LOL! He really zapped me of my energy that is for sure. But I don't mind- I was happy to do it for you. I think I mentioned before that a lot of times when I am even just thinking about a spirit or reading about one, they somehow know and show up. LOL. So I wasn't really that surprised that he showed up - I was just taken aback by how strong he was and how panicky he made me. I think it was probably just because he was so excited and anxious himself that I was feeling it too.

I am curious about something though - the way I described him as looking- his clothes and stuff- did that all make sense to you? Is that how you remember him when you saw him when you were 7? I forgot to tell you too, that he was also wearing a hat. It had a white feather sticking out of the side, if you know what I mean.

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I just had a thought. The reason I asked you if your room looked like that is because when Patrick was here I saw a bedroom. Maybe he was showing me what your bedroom looked like when you saw him when you were 7 years old? Just a thought but I did see a bedroom when he was communicating with me.

I can't believe I never thought of this until now. The room I saw Patrick in was my sister's room, b/c I was too scared to sleep in my own room back then. It was a blue room, but MY ROOM was pink and frilly. Did you ever see what the bedcovers looked like? Poor, poor Patrick went from living inside a castle to hanging out in a tiny, frilly pink room with baby doll strollers and a pink rug.

Her reply:

Wow! That's pretty cool! The room was like drenched in pink! LOL! I remember seeing like flowery type pillows and I believe the bedding was flowers too (don't quote me on that though- I didn't see it that clearly - I just remember their was ALOT of pink and VERY girly). I think the pillows and bedding had like lace or frills around the edges? That's all I remember, and I don't even know if I am remembering the flowers correctly. It was definitely some kind of pattern though on the pillow and bedding and I really think that there were frills/lace around the pillow and the edges of the bedding.

(Note: She described everything correctly. Btw, I was hardly ever in that room. I’m beginning to wonder if the reason I was afraid of that room was b/c Patrick was always hanging out there? I have pretty much three memories in that room. Once, I tried proving to my sister that I COULD stay in there alone. LOL! The other time was when my sister and I shut the door so Mom wouldn’t know we made a slide out of my mattress. I just thought of something….. I also used to sit ‘inside’ the mattress when it was leaning against the wall like a slide. I sort of used it as a tent of sorts. Remember my tent dream and how I said I slept with all my favorite personal belongings… and necessities… every night? Maybe I traveled a lot in that PL; hence the tent dream and being ADAMANT on having my personal possessions next to me during the night). My third memory in that room was looking at the pictures of a castle and knights in a Sesame Street book).

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My reply -

I think the only thing Mom wasn't sure about was that I was his mistress. She thinks that when you heard "mistress," he meant mistress of a castle/his home. (Like in the definition of a chatelaine).

Her reply -

She could be right because I also heard something like "matron of honor" or "maid of honor" (something along those lines) but Chatelaine really stood out the most.

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Email to me:

I had a dream about you and your past life. Don't ask me why I would dream about that because I have not been thinking about that at all lately and I've never had a dream about you or your past life. Anyhow, I dreamt that you were still confused as to what your role was in that past life with Patrick and all of a sudden a HUGE white screen came up with big black bold letters that said "MAID OF HONOR". I know I already told you before that I heard that from Patrick but I think that Patrick snuck into my dreams that night and gave me confirmation because I think he knows you are still wondering.



Reading from Mom:

Mom didn't tell me much b/c of the headache he was giving her, but she did say that I was his ward. As I got older his feelings for me grew, which he fought b/c he was supposed to just be my caretaker; sort of like a father would. When he let me know of his feelings, I had a really hard time seeing him in that light. She said it scared me and I felt like it was wrong. She also says that she doesn't think I ever really thought of him as a father, but as someone who would just look after me and keep me safe. She says she doesn't think he really had that much to do with me until I was older. Which makes sense to me since he was probably away much of the time. He may have even been married with kids of his own at one time. I don't know. I do know that my aunt and another psychic said something about him losing his children. She also said that she thinks he had a really long name and that "Patrick" wasn't his first name. She said his name was something like ___ ___ Patrick___ The ____. (Know what I mean? Like "James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser" the Red). When she said that, I laughed b/c just that morning I was channel surfing. I stopped on Roseanne... one of the last lotto episodes I can't stand... and there was a character on there who was introduced as having like 7 names. Lol!



Things Mom Picked Up:

(She could feel him behind her. She gets a tingle on her right side, and it tickles her ear. It’s as if someone is whispering directly in her ear. She would have picked up more, but Dad kept interrupting her with talk about work, so she didn’t pick up as much as she could have).

- Patrick is not only watching over me, but he’s interested in everything and everyone I’m interested in; all aspects of my life.

- We had a secret rendezvous point at a loch or some river. The loch/river was named after a rock? She kept receiving something about “granite”. She said it was a pretty spot with black and white swans, and some craggy mountain there was reflected in the water.

- Mom saw the image of a woman in her head all day long. That night she had the name “Rowena” pop in her head. This woman has dark honey-blonde hair/mean, slanted eyes (almond-shaped), hair smoothed very flat on each side (parted in middle), and she’s very hard looking. Could she be his wife maybe?

Rowena:
Meaning- Celtic: “The white-haired one.”
Old English – “A well-known friend.”

- Patrick is royalty, but he’s a ways down in the line. (Ex.– 5 people or so are ahead of him in the royal line, but his family is definitely royalty. He’s ‘of money’).

- “She hated the cold.” (It got into my bones it was so cold).



Nat's reply to my question about the woman Mom saw -

Hmmm, I don't know. Could be his wife. I know that the whole time I was connecting with Patrick I had a vision of a woman in my head. I didn't tell you though because I wasn't sure if it meant anything but I will tell you what she looked like. She was slim and had strawberry blonde hair- light skinned and her hair was pulled back in a pony-tail which was very long. She was wearing a long, very pretty pinkish dress. She was pretty young- probably 16 - 20 years of age. I kept seeing her walking around a castle (the inside of it). I actually got the strong impression that it was you- that Patrick was showing me what you looked like. Very pretty, cute girl with a round face.

(Note: Her description matches how I've seen myself in a dream).



Mom’s Tarot Reading



The Chariot - Maintaining Balanced Control
Completion and triumph. Hard work pays off, and endeavors are crowned with success, which is entirely deserved. You may have had to constantly defend your position in order to get through difficult times, but now you can afford to relax a little and enjoy the rewards; you won’t always need to protect your personality with battle armor.

Five of Cups - Negative Effects
Unhappiness in a relationship. The sadness and disappointment you feel may be due to breaking up with a partner, and you know that what is hurt cannot be healed by regret. Focus on what remains, rather than dwell on what you have lost.

The Emperor - Power
The influence of an older person who holds fast to tradition. Indicates protection & support in any venture because the Emperor represents an honest, if domineering, ally. He lives in a dynamic, creative whirlwind powered by the strength of his will, yet his stubborn martial attitude leaves no room for subtlety or the nurturing qualities. Don’t assume an individual with strong qualities has good judgment.

And this came to her right after:

- When I was telling Mom about how maybe he sort of reminds me of “Dr. MacNeill” and that’s why I dream of him that way…. Mom told me I was totally off. She said that Patrick knows that that is the kind of man I’m attracted to and am comfortable with, so that’s why he comes to me in my dreams as “Dr. MacNeill.”

And I do find it odd that in that ‘cabin dream’ I had, I remember us both thinking - ‘To Hell with what everyone else thinks. We want to be together and so WE will be the ones calling the shots from now on’….. that does echo what Nat said in her reading about us not being allowed to be together. I shouldn’t have brushed off that dream just b/c “Dr. MacNeill” (or someone like him) was in it. No ‘wish fulfillment’ dream would be that deep. I can’t believe it took me so long to make that connection.

- I was similar to being Patrick’s ward. My father didn’t die, but he had to go away for a long period of time. He and Patrick may have even been best friends. My father put Patrick in charge of looking after me. She says my father was a rich landowner.

- There was a definite age gap between Patrick and myself of around 10 – 15 years.

- Our relationship was “sweet.” (Whatever that means)

- I loved children, and this amused Patrick.

- Just like you said, she thinks we were together for a while.

- It's highly likely I was a lady in waiting. (Like a maid of honor like you said. Or something similar to that).

- Patrick was very stubborn and not “affectionate” by nature. Not in touch whatsoever with his feminine side. Meaning, he probably was taken from his family at a tender age to prepare for his role in life. He was a great leader of men, and so was taught from infancy to be strong and above expressing his feelings; to be above even having feelings in the first place probably. He may not have even thought it right to marry anyone, due to his station. (Warfare, etc.) But then I came along and he began to question things and feel things for another person. He thought his feelings toward me were wrong. (I’m sure they were even uninvited).

- He was not outspoken until much later, when everything was taken away from him. Mom says what was taken away from him was me. That we couldn’t be together.

Update: This is contradictory to what she said later… that we married and had 2 kids. Unless the separation wasn't permanent but did last many years. Or maybe the connection was weakening, as Mom said Patrick kept saying - "No, you don't understand" & "Listen to me."

- He may or may not have married. If he did, it was because he had to. Also, by the time he was ‘in touch’ with the idea of he and I marrying, it was too late.

- I held fast to the conviction that if I couldn't be with Patrick, I didn't want to be with anyone else.



He’s not a Ghost , he’s a Spirit

To a scared 7-year-old, he’s a ghost. LOL!

Oh yeah, I can definitely understand that. I just thought I would point it out though because I got the distinct feeling that Patrick took offense to that. lol

***

Yeah, I do believe that you were very high ranked if you were a servant. I really don't know the full meaning of what a Chatelaine is so you may not have been a servant at all or you were a very high end servant you know? It's kind of confusing for me because I definitely don't get the feeling that you 2 were married but I also get the feeling that you were very important in his household. So that is kind of confusing to me. But then again, I don't know 2 bits about how things were run back then. I also got the impression that he was away a lot and that the 2 of you didn't get to see each other very often.

***

Well I get the strong feeling that you were definitely never married in that life. I felt that your love was kept a secret. I felt that you were far- removed from his everyday life- meaning you didn't get involved or know, or were even allowed to get involved with his life. I feel that he had to go out of his way to steal a moment with you. That would explain your "rendezvous" with him in that place your mom talked about. I feel that the 2 of you would've pretended to ignore each other in the public eye but would try to "sneak away" together to be alone.



Question Asked -

What was Kristin and Patrick's relationship in their past life that Kristin is wondering about?

In the beginning, there were deep yearnings between the 2 of you for love, pleasure and emotional satisfaction. I sense that at the beginning, the 2 of you were so full of hope and anticipation that the 2 of you could be together and I definitely sense that you were together for a while. Great happiness - the start of a new love. Celebration. (Interestingly enough, on one of the cards it shows a happy couple in their own little world and in the background is a castle.)

THEN the reading suddenly turned into something quite different. It says that there was a lot of confusion and inner conflict going on inside of him. He couldn't decide what to do and was frustrated by his limitations. I got the STRONG sense that he was "betrothed" to another woman at some point during your relationship. One of the cards even outright said that there were more than 2 people in this relationship and I take that to mean, you, Patrick and his wife. Like a love triangle. You both knew it was coming but when it happened it was a shock. He didn't want to marry this woman but I sense that there was a definite obligation there and he had to do what was right for his family or in order to keep his reputation. (I don't know if they had arranged marriages back then but it would be like how a prince or someone of royalty, which we already know that he was would have to marry someone else of importance you know what I mean?) He went ahead and married this woman I feel but he was deeply upset about it and so were you. He definitely did not love her like he loved you. In fact, he may not have loved her at all because in the reading, it said that he wondered if he would ever feel that love again.

I feel that the 2 of you continued your relationship in secrecy for a while after he got married (which I picked up before in the other reading), meeting in secret places, etc, etc. But I feel that the 2 of you drifted apart after he married his wife (not on your part- but on HIS part). You were very hurt. I sense that it took you a very long time to get over him. The cards say that you felt very empty and even though there were others who offered their love to you, you did not want anything to do with them. You just couldn't forget about Patrick and I really don't think you ever loved again. That's the feeling I got from the cards. It actually said that you withdrew from everything to try to heal and even after you had come to terms with everything, there were still offers of love before you (meaning other men), but that it no longer had any meaning or value to you. Meaning, I think you felt that if you couldn't love Patrick, you would not love another. It just wouldn't be the same. It even says that you had an inability to find a loving partner after this.

Ok, then I asked who he is to you NOW. I didn't get much but here is what I DID pick up:

He has already sown and reaped and carries with him the enlightenment of his experiences and he is offering you the benefit of these lessons and achievements (meaning I think he is trying to guide you and help you to learn YOUR lessons in this life.) That's why I said before in my last message to you that I do not think he is incarnating ever again. I think he has already learned all his lessons and is now trying to help guide you so you can learn your lessons. It says that he will not mislead you- he is trying to help you with your life lessons.

So now I understand why you never felt like you wanted to marry in this life. That relates to what happened in your past life with Patrick. Once he married and the 2 of you drifted apart, I really got the strong sense that you never married or loved another. And it would also explain why you love the movies where the couples can never totally be together. I actually got quite emotional when I was typing this up and to me, that is definite confirmation that what I am picking up and sensing is true.

*********

My reply -

It's very depressing. But I'm THRILLED you did this reading. I never would have thought of this scenario that came through with this reading, but I do think it's probably all true. That latest vision I had must have really been something then. (Finding Patrick with another woman. She had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I was really calm about it, so I don‘t understand why that was). I knew it HAD to be something b/c I never have visions and that particular one came out of left field. The woman must have been his wife.

And maybe that other dream I had (of him and myself in the same room) was an aftermath of that? I definitely felt some sort of tension between us in that dream. I wasn’t angry, but there was tension. I was standing by the bed and he was way across the room, by the door.

**************

And also your mother told you about that "rendezvous" at the lake with the swans too right?

I'm beginning to wonder, now that I know things I didn't know when I had this dream, that maybe that was my subconscious remembering that PL. You know, in that our being together wasn't allowed by outside forces, but then WE decided to ignore what THEY wanted. That would explain our giddiness in our reunion and one of us BURSTING through the door. I really, really REALLY cannot even begin to describe how elated I felt... we both felt... in that dream. Heavenly isn't even the correct word. It went so BEYOND any words we have to describe that kind of happiness. It's like there isn't a word in any language that describes the feelings we had in that dream. I just can't help but think that that dream was a combination of an actual memory and my subconscious remembering our circumstances in that PL - in that we wanted to be together, but couldn't. I don't think dreams are always so straightforward. You know, in that it's always just a memory, spirits visiting you in a form you're comfortable with, or your subconscious coming up to the surface in any way it can.

That dream never made sense, but it definitely made an impression on me. I depressed me so much that I didn’t even bother writing it down. I knew there’d be no point since I wasn’t likely to ever forget it.

I always brushed that dream off b/c “Neil” (or someone looking very much like him) was in it. Also, it was a cabin, and in that tv series “Neil” lived in a cabin.

So it may be something like a memory of a reunion with Patrick (in disguise in my dream), or nothing as profound as that at all.



Mom’s Other Reading - Snippets

- The swans were a big deal because with each child we had, he gave me a swan. Lol! That’s why Mom kept seeing a black swan and a white swan. We had 2 children, so we had 2 swans. Mom said she thought that Patrick thought he was very creative/poetic when he came up with that, but that I thought it was a little silly.

(This is funny – in the sequel to my first novel, Joseph says they’ll plant a new rose tree with each child they have. Now… I did sort of borrow that idea from the Avonlea books and tv series, but I have always LOVED the idea. So maybe there’s a deeper reason why that always struck me as an awesome idea. Only in my book I didn’t use swans, but rose trees. And Patrick did tell you that I loved roses).

- I named our home myself, and it had something to do with swans. She said the name I chose was sort of a joke. Like Patrick thought the castle he built for us was so grand, etc. but I thought it was a bit too much. Lol! A bit ‘Goddy’ I guess. I called it “Castle Cygnet.” Mom asked me to look up what Cygnet meant. (I had only heard of “Signet Classics” – the publishing company. Lol!) But Mom and I didn’t know what it meant, so we looked it up on the internet. I was AMAZED. It said a Cygnet was:

A juvenile swan, traditionally thought of as being ‘ugly.’ (See ‘The Ugly Duckling’)

So… I referred to our home lovingly and jokingly; as “A Cygnet.”

- I mentioned to Mom that I would love to see where I used to live. She heard Patrick tell her “It’s not there anymore.” Lol! I guess he didn’t understand that I was talking about wanting to see it in A DREAM. Lol! Not in real life. (Even in that dream I had, it was in major RUINS).



Friend’s Email - Snippets



But I have to say that I keep hearing over and over and over again "She needs to know the truth" and "Tell her. Tell her. Tell her" and "She needs you".

I always ask for proof that what I have just relayed to the person is in fact true because I do NOT ever want to say something to someone that is false. Most times when I have relayed a message to you from Patrick, I have asked him to tap me on the head if I indeed got everything right and every time I felt a tap on my head.............. Oh get this- one time after I had just finished giving you a lengthy message from Patrick, I went outside for a smoke, and as I was standing on my deck, which faces the road I was saying to myself, "I really hope I got everything right because I will feel horrible if I said something that was not right". Well about 2 seconds after I said that, a big truck went by with 5 huge gold starts in a row on it. You know, like how they rate movies- it gets 5 stars if it was a good movie? Well, as soon as I saw that, I knew that was confirmation for me.



PS- I think I should tell you that Patrick was here for part of this email because when I started to answer some of your questions, I could hear words in my head that were not my own and I started typing and using words that I wouldn't normally use (I started to sound like a pompous snob- lol). I'm pretty sure he was impressing me with information because I all of a sudden got VERY passionate about what I was saying and telling you, and was answering your questions quite matter-of-factly. I actually had to go back and edit some of it because it didn't sound like me at all and I didn't want you to think I went cuckoo on you. lol. So just thought I would tell you that. (I actually started to feel a bit "regal" there for a while! LOL!)

*************

I told you a long time ago that I felt that you were a servant to HIM. The card even showed a man on a white horse with women, lower than him, surrounding him looking after him.

My being a servant would definitely explain the secrecy, but it doesn’t explain the engagement ring or that he’d build a place for me, a servant. I just never got the feeling that I was his servant. I could be WAY OFF, of course. (And it is interesting by the way that your card had a man on a WHITE HORSE with women looking up at him. Lol!) And in those other dreams I’ve had, I wasn’t a pauper by any means. I was dressed very grand. And didn’t you say Patrick showed you me walking around inside a castle? Did you ever see how I was dressed? Like I said, I could be soooo wrong but I just don’t think I was a servant. MAYBE a maid of honor for a time, but not a servant. I just don’t feel that at all, and in those dreams I was dressed very stylishly.

I think that if he formulated the Dr. Neil thing, he most likely formulated the entire dream. I think that dream was more meant for you to remember your feelings and the circumstances not the cabin.

I think that’s probably true. I do think it’s THE MESSAGE of the dream that’s the most important. That SOMETHING was keeping us apart, and that we were sick to death of it.

And I don't think he lived there with you. It was a place for him to come see you. So he could keep you safe and know where you are. That's my feelings on that anyhow.

Now-- if I was his ward like Mom said, that would make total sense out of the place he had built for me. Something like that (his act of building a place for me) would not have to be secret, and he could come and go as he pleased without people getting too suspicious.

And I do think that his being ordered to ‘look after me’ by my father/whomever feels right. I could be way off, but from the first time Mom said that - it felt right. I just don’t think I was a servant and… hey, wait a minute… maybe the “giving up of authority” was related to that. That he no longer looked to me as being just his ward that he was put in charge of.



Another Reading:



Before I respond to your email, I just wanted to let you know that this morning I did 2 more readings asking what your relationship to Patrick was in your PL. I asked if you were indeed married. Now, while shuffling the cards, one card, again, flew out of the deck and landed in front of me. It was the 4 of Staves upside down. That card has a picture of two lovers toasting their love in front of a castle. Now, right side up, that card indicates a new marriage, BUT it was upside down and when it appears upside down, it says, "The desire to put down roots but elusiveness in doing so. Wanting stability. Frustrations and disappointments with love". After I did the 2 readings, I couldn't get a definite answer on whether or not the 2 of you were married so I asked the cards to give me ONE card that would answer my question of whether or not you 2 were married and it was the Ace of Cups, upside down.That says, "Emotional disappointments. Disillusionment with love. Sadness and melancholy." So I am still thinking that the 2 of you were not married. Put those 2 cards together and they pretty much say the same thing.

Here are some other things I picked up in the 2 readings I did.…

I am beginning to think that your mom may have been right when she said that Patrick built that castle for you to impress you because a lot of his cards actually said "Using wealth to manipulate others. A need to control situations from behind the scenes." So that echoes that he used his wealth to impress you by building you a castle. I knew that it was definitely a gift for you but I wasn't sure why. I thought it was so that you 2 could have a place where you could meet in secret but I don't think I had the full picture. I think your mom was right- he did build it for you to impress you BUT I also think that it also was like I said too, a place where you could meet in secret. So not only did he build it to impress you, but it was a place for the 2 of you to be together away from everyone else. Also, a lot of the cards mentioned "secrecy" as well as "time to move on but unwillingness to do so". So I am still thinking that your relationship was secret and the time to move on has to do with your relationship ending. If you 2 WERE married and he died of old age, then there would be no need for the 2 of you to move on would there? Every reading I've done on the 2 of you mentions you 2 being torn apart, and time to move on but not wanting to do so, etc, etc. The readings also said "Stagnation and fear of change. Resisting transformations. Adherance to the status quo. The need to move in a new direction but not wanting to do so. Rigidity". That to me, is referring to him having to do what his family needed him to do and that was to marry someone else (or something along those lines).

>>>But wait a minute… just had a thought… if I really was a servant (still not sure about that) and our relationship was hush-hush… which is understandable… why would we ever be engaged? People whose relationships are a secret don't get engaged. Royalty don't ask peasants to marry them.

Well sometimes symbols are not literal. So maybe the engagement ring meant to show me that you 2 were committed to each other, not necessarily engaged. By the way- I have to tell you that the part about you being a servant was one of the parts where I felt Patrick was taking over my thinking. When I said "because you were a servant" when you said you just couldn't understand why the secrecy, that's when he started to come through. If I remember correctly, I actually started to type something like "It would be most inadvantageous for a man of my nobility to be seen with the likes of a servant". Now, do you think *I* talk like that? NO. I don't even know if "inadvantageous" is a word! lol. (it was something like that anyhow). I know you have doubts about being a servant but I really do feel that you were. Maybe you started out as being in his care but as you got older, you were "put to use" as a servant? And you asked me if I saw what you were wearing when I saw you in my visions- well you didn't look royal or high-up that is for sure. Your hair was long and it was pulled back in a long braid and you were wearing a plain looking dress with a flowery pattern on it with like a white apron-type thing around the front. You just looked like an average girl to me. When I see Patrick, there is NO doubt that he is high up. I mean his clothes are FANCY! lol. Yours were not, not even your hair- it was just a simple braid down your back. By the way, I've been meaning to tell you this but I keep forgetting. Ever since you and I have been writing back and forth everyday again, I think Patrick has been sneaking in some visits to me hoping I won't notice. LOL! The other day, I thought for sure that I saw him in my mind's eye and I was wondering what he might want. Well, I went to go out to have a cigarette, and you are not going to believe this (and nothing like this has EVER happened to me before)- I HEARD A MUSIC BOX PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew right then that it was Patrick. lol

~*~*~*~*~

Hoping you won't notice? Does he hide in the corner? Lol! That's funny.

Well I just catch a glimpse of him once in a while. He looks like "Ooops, she saw me." lol



Long Names & Roses & Rabbits



Well he showed up here I believe when I was replying to your email. I felt someone tap my head and then I saw a huge orb moving like zig-zaggy through the air on my left side and I could clearly see him in my mind's eye. Yes, he was wearing his silly feather hat! LOL! I've been feeling a bit anxious too-- I think he is still here and wants to give you a message. I'm pretty tired right now, but if he is still here later I will see if I can figure out what he wants. Ok, he's definitely here- my ears are burning like crazy. Maybe I won't be able to hold him off after all. lol. Hmmmm, I just asked him to show me something and I immediately saw a music box with a horse like from a carousel (sp??) in it. Do you have one of those? I just saw a white tent too and I immediately got the impression that he is trying to tell me something about your tent dream that you had. I don't know what but I'll see if I can find out. It was meant to show you something or give you information about your past life. He is sorry that he scared you- that was not his intention at all - I think he feels really bad that he scared you. It was meant to give you more information. I keep hearing that over and over. You need to dig deeper for the meaning he is implying. I keep hearing the word "soulmates" too. What the heck??? I just saw a white bunny rabbit in my head. Don't know what the heck that means. lol! Maybe you will but I sure don’t. He's holding it now. What the heck??? LOL. Ok, I just asked in my head what was the meaning of the tent dream and I heard "to let her know that I will always protect her". I just asked him what he was in that past life- a king or a prince and I heard "Mascot". I don't know what the heck that is. Maybe you should look that up. I keep hearing France and Scotland as well. "Victory!" he just said that in my ear! LOL! Do you have a music box that goes off sometimes? i think he is saying that he plays with it sometimes to let you know he is around. Could be the one with the horse that I just described- I am not sure. I saw a bouquet of red roses too- think those were a gift to you from him. Patrick's not his real name, he said. Francis or something? I don't know. I keep hearing France over and over- maybe he is saying "Francis"? I am not sure. McKnight- I just heard that too. (bear with me, I am just typing as these things come to me). I keep seeing a white horse in my head too.

Well, I've been sitting here for a few minutes now trying to get more info but I'm not getting much more. Oh, I just saw a large pink heart- guess he wants to tell you he loves you. How sweet.

Well I wasn't expecting that! LOL! Let me know what you think about that. Oh I just saw the 1600's and 1700's in my head- maybe that is when you had your past life with him. I asked him if it was the 1600's or the 1700's and he said "both". So maybe it was the late 1600's, early 1700's? Also, I keep hearing "Scotland, Ireland and France" all together. I don't know if there was a time when all 3 of those places were connected somehow or what but for some reason I get the feeling that those 3 places mean something significant. Weird.

Ok, well let me know what you think of all that. He's still here but I'm not getting much more info from him- I just can sense very strongly his presence.

My reply -

That music box I have! It has a horse that circles the castle when you turn it on - like a carousel. I was JUST DUSTING the darn thing about one minute before I decided to check my email again. Also, I am always telling him to turn on that music box. (Okay… NAGGING him for months was more like it). I guess he came to you b/c he knew I was upset that he didn't come to Mom last night. And another little piece of info that tells me that maybe “McKnight” was his last name, is b/c just last night I asked Mom what his last name was. Mom said she isn’t good with names, so she didn’t get anything. Maybe he decided to tell you since Mom didn’t know last night.



Her reply -

WOW! That is great confirmation for me that he was here regarding the music box with the horse- that is the very first thing I saw! Although I don't really need any confirmation that he was here because he was DEFINITELY here! No doubt about that! I just got finished grounding myself actually because Patrick has a habit of making my head spin! LOL! I told him he could only communicate through me if he was a lot less impatient and anxious than the last time! LOL! And that is soooooooo cool that you said you are always asking Patrick to turn on your music box because as I said in my previous email, I got the feeling that he likes to play with it to let you know he is around. Maybe he was trying to tell me that you are always asking him to play with it! LOL! I definitely think that he DOES TRY to play with it for you- he definitely hears you asking him to. Maybe one of these days he will get the thing to play for you! LOL!

>>> I did NOT expect that.

Well that makes 2 of us then, because I did not expect it either! LOL! But as soon as I finished reading your email and started to respond to it, I knew he was here- I think he was making sure I was telling you the right things. LOL Like he was watching over my shoulder to approve of what I was writing back to you. I pictured him staring over my shoulder with his hand on his chin like "Hmmmmm, what is she saying?" lol

******************

Her email -

I was thinking it might have been his or your surname- not sure which one, or if it even is a surname. I heard Brian after that, but maybe that is because there is a singer I think named Brian McKnight. He was obviously trying to tell me something but I'm not exactly sure what it is. Maybe he wanted to remind me of Brian McKnight because one of his names was Brian??? I'm just guessing there.

My reply -

Well, my sister told me a long time ago she thought his name was Brian Patrick. So it is also possible that maybe his surname isn’t McKnight, but that was his way of getting you to hear the name “Brian.” So either McKnight is his surname, or Brian is one of his first names… or both are correct. (Note: I’ve recently stumbled into a dream in my journal from back in high school where my cousin Brian was in it. This dream I’ll mention later, but I really think it’s related to Patrick).



Yeah, that first time- WOW! Was he ever excited and impatient and anxious! I literally almost passed out- lol! He was much better this time. He left when I asked him to and most spirits don't give a crap if I ask them to leave or not! So he does have manners and respect! He is a pleasant spirit to work with now. I don't mind if he wants to come to me as long as he continues to respect my wishes like he did today. Very well-mannered guy there. ;) Actually, he is here now again and is just smiling and watching me type. He is impressing me with his feelings and I can tell that he is very grateful for being able to communicate through me. He's really happy. Awwwwwwwwww, he's sweet!!! I get the impression that he is a very well mannered, quiet, reserved type of guy. Very respectful too. Anyhow, he is just watching me now. He seems EXTREMELY interested in anything I say to you regarding him. lol. I don't blame him though. He's making sure I am getting everything right. Maybe he is a perfectionist like you said! LOL! Ok, my kid just started screaming so there goes my connection. LOL!



I really got the strong impression (and I can't stress this enough- it is a very strong feeling) that when he showed me the rabbit that he thought you would REALLY like it for some reason. Like I mentioned in my previous email to you, at first I thought that maybe you owned a white rabbit as a pet, but I just knew that was not right and then it hit me that maybe you loved rabbits in your past life and had one or more as a pet in the past life and he thought that you would remember if he showed it to you. I got the feeling it was a really sweet gesture - he was smiling when he showed it to me with a twinkle in his eye like it would mean something to you from him. That could be that he called you "bunny" or that he was reminding you of a beloved pet you had that he thought would make you smile. I really got the impression that he thought it would make you smile- maybe he was hoping you would remember some "inside joke" or something between the 2 of you.

*****

The "Gentle Giant"- that fits him perfectly! LOL! Remember when I told you the first time he appeared to me that he looked really fierce? Well I think that was just because he was "on a mission", you know what I mean? He was desperate to contact you and was desperately trying through me, so he was in "battle mode", ya know? That is probably why I felt him come on so strong and so anxious- because he was in his "battle mode". Trying to "get the job done". lol The reason I am telling you that is because when he appeared to me today, he looked so peaceful and serene. He is still a big guy, but he just looked very peaceful, serene and loving. He's definitely very kind and respectful and has good manners. I didn't tell you this the last time he came to me but I could've sworn I heard him call me "M'lady". Isn't that how they respectfully addressed women back then?

******

My email -

I do think it strange how it so clearly echoes what my aunt was saying about his impatience with her and his relief in getting through. She said he actually had tears in his eyes.

Her reply -
She said he had tears in his eyes??? I said the exact same thing to you when he came to me the first time! I asked him if he loved you and he put his hands over his heart and he had tears in his eyes!!!!



Patrick’s Here

Hey- I called Patrick to come to me because I couldn't take not knowing what that darned rabbit and the Francis business meant so I told Marcus to go get him and bring him here and he's here now. I asked him what the rabbit meant and if you had owned them in your past life and he was waving his hands around in the air and rolling his eyes and said "They were EVERYWHERE!" lol I also heard "she loved them like there was no tomorrow" and then I heard "it was a gift to her". He looked like he was acting out a scene from that life and was stumbling over the darned rabbits because they were everywhere! I think they drove him a bit nuts! LOL! This is too funny- I am actually laughing here. He's got a good sense of humour. You should see him jumping around waving his hands around in the air like he is tripping over rabbits trying to get to you. LOL! Ok, I just asked him if I am getting this right and I heard "You sure are!" (I know he likes to make sure I am getting everything just right! LOL!). I'm seeing a big grassy field with a ton of rabbits hopping around and there's a young girl there with reddish hair sitting in the grass playing with them all having a ball. And I get the feeling you don't know he is there and he is coming to see you and is tripping over all the rabbits. LOL! This is too funny!!!! I can't stop giggling. There are flowers in the field too - small ones, I think pink and white ones. Ok, he keeps saying that they're roses but I don't believe roses grow in fields, but I keep hearing "No, they're roses!". He said he planted them for you! OMG! That is tooooooooooooo sweet!!!!!! You loved roses he said! Awwwww, this is so sweet that I am getting teary eyed. I think I am picking up his feelings- he is reminiscing about the past. Awwwww!!!!!! He wants to give you a rabbit. A white one. Don't ask me how he is going to do that but I guess it's the thought that counts. That is why he had the sly grin on his face and the twinkle in his eyes when he held the rabbit- they drove him nuts but he put up with them because he knew you loved them so much and he loved you and wanted you to be happy. It made him happy to watch you play with them in the grass. He used to watch you when you didn't know it and just smile while you would roll around in the grass with the rabbits. Ok, i am asking him what is the deal with "Francis". He keeps saying "I'M Francis" ( putting a great deal of emphasis on the "I'M" part), but I remember you saying that he doesn't seem like a "Francis" to you so I keep dismissing it but I keep hearing "I'M Francis" I asked him if that was his first name and I immediately heard "second". Brian Francis Patrick McKnight. I just heard all those names in that order. I keep saying those names over and over and asking if that is really his name and I just heard "Yes, that's me" but I don’t know for sure- the connection is fading now. I think he is getting tired or something. lol

Anyhow, he wanted me to tell you that you were SUPPOSED to read those poems. I think he was trying to tell me that he led you to them because he wanted you to see them.



Coincidence about the Rose Garden mentioned:

This may be nothing but in the book I'm writing now I have a "Garden Scene." The female lead loves the Language of Flowers that was so popular in Victorian times, so when her husband surprised her with a house, the first thing she noticed were the rose trees. Also, in my first book the male lead mentions to the female lead that the owner of the abandoned house (they're outside, looking at the house during this scene) had a wife that had a profound love for roses, so he planted an entire plot of them for her. So... maybe there's something deeper with all that. Who knows. LOL!



ok, it's been a while since I sent you my previous email with the messages from Patrick, but I have had this nagging nagging feeling that I got something wrong with the name I gave you (Brian Francis Patrick McKnight). There's something wrong with it. I get the feeling it's jumbled up or something. I saw him moving his finger in a circle like it's not arranged right and needs to be "unscrambled" or something. Also, I was reminded of the name William too- somehow I get the strong feeling that the names William and Brian are connected. I don't know how or why but I am getting that sense. Ok, I am also getting a HUGE sense of relief wash over me too. I think that is Patrick feeling relieved that I clarified that. I think he's been hanging around waiting for me to clarify this to you. LOL. I was feeling this really really nagging feeling and a bit anxious too and I could still see him in my mind's eye so I think that was him trying to tell me that the name is somehow wrong or mixed up and that I needed to tell you- I get the feeling that it is jumbled- like it's not in the right order. Plus the William/Brian connection that I am not sure what it means but I am getting that in my head. Whew! I feel much better now that I told you that! lol

Ok, I just needed to clarify that because I think Patrick was bugging me to clarify that for you. As I said before, he is very particular that I give you the right information! LOL! Of course, I don't blame him.



* Note about the next reading *

This was when I was thinking Patrick was for my mother and not me. It's a long story, but let’s just say that when I was young one of Mom’s first stained glass pieces was of a swan, and about a year before the reading with Patrick and the bunnies, Mom went through a phase of collecting bunny rabbit trinkets to decorate my brother’s old room with after he went away to college. Both these things Patrick mentioned to my mother and my friend.

By the way, while I was having those doubts I asked that Patrick go to my friend to set the record straight if he could. That was the first (and only) time I ever did that, as I know Patrick's energy can be draining on her and I didn't want him to wear out his welcome. But turns out he DID go to her, so maybe he really is around and hears me. (Just like when I wondered out loud that morning what his horse's name was, and then I immediately dreamt the answer).

~*~*~*~*~*~

Forgot to tell you this



I forgot to tell you this but Patrick was with me all morning (he's back again now too). I was wondering why the heck he was coming to me this morning but now it just dawned on me that he knew you were confused about the rabbits and the music box and he wanted me to set the record straight for you. That would explain why he was hanging around this morning. I actually said to him "not now I am busy" and I heard him say "that's ok, I'll wait". And he wouldn't leave - just kept watching me and following me around all morning but not saying a word. I think he did leave at one point (must've got tired of waiting) but now that I read and responded to your last email saying that you are confused he is definitely back and is obviously wanting me to tell you something. I can sense him very strongly around me. I feel he wants you to know that it definitely was NOT your mom he was referring to- it was for YOU (the rabbits, the music box). And I just remembered how emotional I was getting when I was telling you about the scene of you in the grass with the rabbits- I NEVER get emotional unless what I am saying is true. There is NO WAY that I would get emotional if I was imagining things. I was picking up on his feelings of remembering the past with you playing with the rabbits. Also, I was just outside for a smoke before I sat down to write this email and I said out loud that if he really was referring to your mom that I would feel like a total dork. Well right after I said that, something hit me right on the side of the face- something small but it was enough to make me notice. I think someone was trying to tell me that no, I wasn't wrong at all. It happened exactly right after I said those words. LOL! It was definitely meant for you- not your mom. I can sense Patrick easing off a bit now so that to me is confirmation that I am right- that he is relieved that I am telling you this so that you won't be confused anymore. By the way- I think he wrote you a poem and he wants me to write it down for you but there is no way I would be able to hear an entire poem- I'm just not that good at clairaudience. I can hear a word or two or a phrase but I doubt that I would be able to hear him recite an entire poem to me. This happened this morning - I saw him with a piece of paper in his hands and I could've sworn I heard him say that he wrote you a poem and he wanted to share it with me so I would tell you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Funny excerpt from an email to me when I finally stopped overanalyzing:



It was weird because I thought I was imagining things but I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was definitely here and I was getting anxious and I always get anxious when there is a spirit around wanting to communicate. So I just told him to wait and he did. He hung around me all day just following me around and watching me, not saying a word. lol. After I got your email last night where you were doubting everything I could feel him around me again and I said to him "what are we going to do with her Patrick"? and I said "I'm going to go down there and kick her butt!!!" and he actually said "she needs it!" LOL. I told him that it's up to him now to make you believe because I don't know what else I can say to make you believe so I told him to show you a red rose or a sunflower- SOMETHING that you would see. Well he wanted ME to send you a red rose and I had to tell him that no, I can't do it- he needs to do it himself. LOL! I really don't think he knows exactly how to go about giving you signs. I mean, he wanted ME to show you the red rose and I had to tell him that is not the point- HE needs to do it himself. So I don't know if you happened to have seen a red rose or a sunflower yesterday or today but I told him to lead you to one so that you would see it.

>>>Anyway, I was thinking about what you said; that I had been nagging him for months to play that music box, and that HE DID in a way. Relating it to you is proof enough for me that he is listening to me, and that I'm not talking into thin air every single time I speak to him.

Yes, he did. It was playing when he showed it to me. To me, what better validation is that??? Again, your mom is tuned in to the spirit world- she's a medium. As far as Patrick is concerned, who better person to get his messages across than through your mom right? So he may have been impressing her with the rabbits so that YOU would see it and remember. It has NOTHING to do with your mom. I strongly think that he uses her to get his messages across and to make himself known because she is in tune with that stuff right? That would only make sense. Therefore, she named the paper weight "Patrick" which he probably impressed her mind with and probably thought "Aha! Finally someone may recognize that I am here!" and therefore your mom decorated the kids room with rabbits, probably picking up from him your love of rabbits and he probably thought again, "Aha! Finally Kristin will see those and remember me!" He probably hangs around your mom a lot trying to get messages across whether she knows it or not. I mean, to him, your mom is the PERFECT person to go to right?? I mean, think about it this way- if YOU were a spirit and YOUR soulmate was here and earth and he lived with a medium who could communicate with the spirit world , who would you go to try to get your messages across? DUH!!!! LOL

Also, if he was there for your mom, he would not have come to me yesterday when you asked because frankly, why would he give a crap if he was for your mom? He wouldn't!




The following is a dream which Nat had:

She was walking downtown with her hubby when they came across Gerry filming a movie in the city.


Note: I forgot to mention to her that when she dreamt that, at the time Gerry REALLY WAS filming outdoor scenes to a movie where she lived. At the time I was reading a lot of fan encounters on his websites, only I never told her about those since I didn’t want to bore her with my Gerry Butler obsession.

Anyhow, at the time my friend wasn’t thinking about GB in the slightest. She went up to Gerry and asked if she could videotape him for me.

Note: She says that in the beginning of the dream GB was skateboarding. Lol! Months after she told me this, I realized that in another Patrick dream that I had back in high school – a skateboard and my cousin “Brian” was in it. I remembered thinking at the time I dreamt that, that the skateboard and my cousin being in the dream was ridiculous. I couldn’t figure out the meaning. But when my friend mentioned Gerry and a skateboard, I looked up the meaning in a dream dictionary. The meaning made sense, as it echoed what she and others have told me about Patrick’s feelings for me.

The definition read: "To dream that you are skateboarding indicates the ups and downs of some emotional situation or relationship."

In this dream, Gerry told her that she could videotape him, and she remembered thinking that I was right about Gerry being really nice to his fans. After they parted she continued walking around the city, but then she bumped into Gerry again. This time, he came up TO HER. She said it was strange because she then saw ME standing on the sidewalk about 10 feet away talking to some other women.

The rest of her dream I’ll just copy and paste as she sent it. When you see the
**** symbols, that’s when she felt like automatic writing was coming through:

You didn't see me or Gerry at all. So Gerry comes up to me and he says this while gesturing to you- "You know, while I was courting her, I would often watch her as I am now when she was unaware that I was watching her and a huge smile would cross my face at the wonder of her enchantment". Then as he said that a huge, cheeky grin spread across his face and he looked at you with so much love in his eyes. I could tell that he loved you and cherished you VERY much. It was so sweet. He was just so incredibly enchanted by your personality and your presence. Oh yeah, he mentioned that he even loved your little "quirks", whatever that means, lol.

Anyhow, I woke up this morning with that dream fresh in my mind and I thought it was weird but really didn't think much of it because I know that you really love GB but what I thought was odd was that HE loved you in this dream and when he spoke and used the word "courting" I IMMEDIATELY put the 2 and 2 together and knew it was a message from Patrick. That Gerry was actually Patrick in the dream. We don't use the word "courting" anymore right? That would be something that someone from Patrick’s era would've said right? That's what got me, otherwise I would've just assumed it was silly dream. So I think that Patrick was confirming that he really is like Gerry and also wanted me to tell you the message that Gerry (Patrick) said about you in the dream.
**** That you were so different from him that it amused him and attracted him to you like no other. The traits that he once thought were odd about your personality and your ways, now enchanted him and he loved you the more for those "quirks" and personality traits that he found so different from himself. You were like a different species to him at first since the 2 of you were so different in your ways, that he thought it odd at first (that you were a bit odd) but he quickly fell in love with those traits and quirks and found you irresistible. Like a moth to a light. He wondered at your ways and never really did understand all your differences but that's what made him love you even more. You were absolutely irresistible to him and he loved you like no other. A wondrous creature you were. You bewitched him body, mind and soul. You were like no other he had ever seen or met before. **** Ok, now that was weird. THAT my dear, was some automatic writing there. The part where I said in the above paragraph- "That you were so different from him that it amused him....." That was from Patrick. I slipped into some automatic writing. And I know that because everytime I do automatic writing I don't realize it until it is over and when I stopped typing the above paragraph, I was like "What the heck just happened??" LOL Plus, those words were coming out sooooooooooooo fast and it was like I was actually FEELING everything that I was typing. Like I was him for a few minutes. So there ya go- there's a big message from Patrick for you. Actually 2- the dream and then the automatic writing I just did.